Project Runway Junior: S2 E3: "En Garde Avant Garde"

This is what Project Runway Junior has going for it: young, talented designers who don't get handled with kids gloves. I mentioned this last year while reviewing the show's first season. Dealing with kids automatically heightens the emotions of a thing. We're genetically programmed to further our species. This means we're genetically programmed to want to protect the young of our species. Reality competitions are hard. They're stressful and emotional powder kegs. Spending time with a group of people, growing close to that group, but always knowing that at the end of the day you're competing against one another is hard and stressful and confusing for an adult. You know it's harder for a teenager. So PRJR comes equipped with heightened emotions that PR simply can't match.

But there's more than just pathos in this show. The fact of the matter is PRJR wouldn't work if the kids they found weren't so damn talented. Project Runway has never not been about art and fashion. As such, you need great artists at its core for it to be compelling. This was never more on display than it was last season when everyone was pretty much equally (middlingly) talented. The complaint that would have quickly sank the PRJR ship would have been if the quality of the clothing produced had been significantly lesser than the quality of clothing on its parent show. Luckily, that's never been the case. I don't know if we're more impressed with the fashion on this show because we have lower expectations due to the youth of the contestants, or because it's genuinely masterful. All I do know is that I've never failed to be impressed with the fashion on this show.

And this season hasn't been any different. I've watched all three episodes even though I didn't review the first two. I needed a bit of a break in the wake of PR, but I have been impressed so far. Through three episodes, I would proclaim Tieler, Rene, Izzy, and Cartier, as the contestants to beat. I'll be keeping a close eye on Allie, Molly, and Chris as they interest me but I think they've been a little inconsistent thus far.

The Challenge

This week sees the remaining ten designers broken up into pairs and asked to create an Avant Garde look inspired by fencing gear and armor. It's an interesting way to introduce us all to the fact that Tim's taken up fencing in his old age. Most people celebrate a mid-life crisis with a sports car, Tim Gunn started learning a new sport with a phallic weapon. C'est la vie!

The button bag continues to be the decider of teams on PRJR. If I remember correctly, the show completely avoided any aspect of the school yard pick last season, and it seems like they're doing so again. When your contestant base is made up of a bunch of artsy, queer kids who have probably been on the harsh end of a school yard pick their whole lives, it makes sense to save them from that when you gather them together in doing something they all love.

From the start, the trouble team is Hawwaa and A'kai. As a quick aside, between those two, Cartier, and Tieler, we've got some of the most interesting names reality TV has ever seen, but I digress. Both Hawwaa and A'kai were in the bottom last week, and with good reason. Hawwaa points this out and makes it clear that they're the underdogs. But we've seen underdogs bounce back and be made stronger by their union on this show in the past.

And then they start working together and it's clear that this isn't going to be one of those stories. Team challenges are always hard, and communication is always the problem at the center of each poor team. Hawwaa and A'kai simply cannot communicate. Admittedly, A'kai's problems with clear communication were showcased all the way back to the first episode when he had the oddest exchange with a Mood employee that we've ever seen. He's also been shown to be a sensitive boy who cries under a very limited amount of stress. So he cries multiple times and always looks like he's mere seconds away from crying.

Then there's Hawwaa. As I was watching, I kept trying to figure out who came off worse in this episode. In the end, my money's on Hawwaa. At Mood, she goes on about how she has to be the leader because A'kai is younger than her. Then in the workroom, when he asks her for her input on sometime, she tells him to just go off and do it on his own. Then before the runway show, he makes a change without telling her and she goes off on him about not including her in the decision. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think you can have it three ways. Either you fall into the leadership role and you offer the guidance needed to accomplish the task, or you shirk that responsibility and just allow your team to sink or swim on its on accords. Either way, once you've chosen, you don't get to complain when the team makes a choice that's in accordance with your decision. The moment she said she didn't care anymore and A'kai just needed to finish the skirt however, was the moment she lost all right to be upset about him making a choice and not including her in it.

Everyone else seems to work together quite well and it shows in their final looks.

The Runway

Chelsea and Allie: Wow! Now that is one hell of a way to kick off a runway show. The neck line going so high up is stunning, the shoulders and those points are amazing, and the manner in which they employed the same technique on the pants is really smart. Love it.

Chris and Rene: Stunning! It's maybe just a little more wearable than I'd like for an Avant Garde challenge, but it's still exceptional and far out there. That jacket is to die for. The hood, the back of it, everywhere you look there's something stunning to behold. I like the jumpsuit a lot too. The way Rene loves showing skin continues to be impressive. At some point I wonder if his taste level might falter. It hasn't so far, and I love anticipating what he's sending down each week. But if this is the winning look, I think the win goes to that jacket!

A'kai and Hawwaa: It's poorly constructed, and the two pieces don't go together well, but it's not horrible. The top is striking, and there's a play on hard and soft that I can appreciate. It's not very good, and it may turn out to be the worst thing on the runway, but I've seen worse in PR history. 

Izzy and Cartier: I think this is beautiful, but I don't think it's very exciting. I think the poofy hips technique is an easy and lazy way to go when you do Avant Garde. But it's done well here. She says they have three pieces, but I thought I only saw two. 

Molly and Tieler: I love it. It's weird and out there, but wonderfully well constructed and thought out. I thought the back might be a little more open than it was, which would have been an interesting touch, but it all comes together wonderfully well. For someone with immunity, Tieler certainly didn't play it safe. 

Judgement

Allie and Chelsea are in the top along with Molly and Tieler. Hawwaa and A'kai find themselves in the bottom with Chris and Rene. 

It's pretty obvious that Chris and Rene aren't in danger of going home against what A'kai and Hawwaa did, but I was surprised by just how much the judges didn't like their outfit. Admittedly, it's more wearable than an Avant Garde look should be, but that's the only complaint I had about it. Aya calls it safe, which I don't agree with, and Christian simply doesn't like jumpsuits. I can't disagree with his point that the jumpsuit might not be where fashion is going, but I don't know that I think a general prejudice against the idea means you don't get to engage with the look on its own merits. I neither love nor hate a jumpsuit, but this one was at least well made and interesting. Or at least I thought it was. And the jacket was the selling point of the outfit to begin with and simply doesn't get the attention I think it deserves. 

The two winning teams are commended for how well they worked together and collaborated on their different ideas to create a new whole. As anyone could have predicted, Hawwaa and A'kai implode on the runway. It doesn't take very much of them trying to explain how hard it was for the judges to get the picture and pretty much tell them to just stuff it. 

Tieler and Molly get the win, and since the jacket was the bigger deal, Tieler gets his second win in a row. After a really difficult deliberation, and with Kelly in tears, A'kai is sent home. But anyone who was watching the episode and knew enough about the show knew what was coming next. The moment A'kai went to Tim during the workroom segment of the show to confess his struggles with Hawwaa and to ask his advice was the moment that sealed it in stone. If A'kai was to be sent home this episode, Tim was going to use his save on him. And he did exactly that. 

The looks of shock within the greenroom aren't without reason. It's the third episode of a long season, and already Tim Gunn has used his save. Here we go with yet another discussion about what the save is for; it seems like we touch on this every time he uses the damn thing. The truth of the matter is that A'kai isn't ready to be at this level of competition. He managed to escape the bottom three in the first episode on the sheer luck that there were three worse looks than his on the runway. Admittedly, three looks isn't a very large sample size, but what I can see for sure is that I have no real interest in seeing anything else from A'kai because I don't really think he has much more to show. He stumbled on the team challenge, but that's no more of a reason to save him than Lucas' failing on the unconventional materials challenge was basis to save him last week. Indeed, after Lucas' stunning dress in the first episode, there was more cause to save him last week than there was to save A'kai this week. 

But Tim liked him, and he asked Tim for help, and Tim helped him out about as much as it's within his power to do so. A'kai talks a big game about making sure everyone knows he was worth the save, but we'll see about that. Honestly, I don't expect him to make it to the midpoint of the season, but who knows. 

Loose Threads

--As much as I think Tim made the wrong choice in using his save, I did enjoy the scene between him and A'kai. Tim Gunn as mentor is one of the other things this show has going for it. Hannah is an alright host, but clearly she's no Heidi. Keeping Tim on and finding three really great judges is a choice that will keep this show afloat. 

--On thing this show has as a mark against it, however, is it's editing. The runway on the first episode was horrible. Each look was cut before you could get a good look at it. And there's something about the judgement sections that feels impossibly rushed and I've been noticing the music during them for some reason. Either the music needs to be lowered, or they need to pick something that adds tension but doesn't draw too much attention to itself. It's all rather disconcerting. And the makeup section of each episode needs to go away. The designers don't seem to get hair and makeup consultations, so why there's any time spent on that is beyond me. If it's the same set of producers behind this show as are behind PR, then this show really confirms that they've totally forgotten how to make a good hour long episode. 

--I mentioned Rene's aesthetic briefly but I must say, I'm really quite impressed with it. For a 17-year-old, it's really interesting how well he can make flattering, sexy clothes for a woman's body. With that being said, I feel odd looking at him with his many sleeveless, v-neck shirts and oddly short shorts. Put some damn clothes on that kid already so I don't have to feel like perv. 

--One thing I find interesting this season is the manner in which these kid's beliefs seem to matter to them and seep into their clothing. Allie and Hawwaa both admit that they come from religious and strict backgrounds, so neither of them really like to design revealing clothing. Allie's been able to do some interesting things without having to show much skin so far, and I'm curious to see if she can keep it up. Hawwaa made some comments about Rene's first dress that I'd like her to keep to herself from now on.  

Project Runway Junior: S1 E3 "Teamwork is Hard"

Is PR JR getting better with each passing episode? I ask this honestly, because I can hardly express how good I thought this episode was. We'll talk extensively about the ending and how that's either a mark against the hour or a point in its favor depending on where you stand, but everything prior to that felt like a kind of culmination of three episodes worth of toil. The progress of this season isn't surprising to anyone who watches PR on a regular basis. There's been an introductory episode, an unconventional materials challenge, and now a team challenge. Honestly, if we got a Heidi as client episode and a Real Woman episode in the next two, I'd say we'd have hit all of the PR staples in the first four hours. But there's something special here that we just don't get from PR anymore. And I'm sure everyone's tired of hearing me say this by now, so I promise I'll try and make the next review less about comparing this show to its predecessor, but it still rings true. These challenges are smarter, simpler, and thusly more entertaining than what we see on the other show. The quality of the finished designs might not be on the same level, but that's a given and a small enough consideration when you're dealing with contestants in their teens.

Take this week's challenge. The first thing we find out is that it's a team challenge. Fair enough. Hannah comes out with the button-bag-o-doom. She tells everyone Zachery has immunity for this challenge, but stops there because his win last challenge doesn't give him any other kind of leg up in this one. He doesn't get to pick a team, or start off a school-yard pick. No, PR JR is actually concerned enough for the mental wellbeing of its contestants that it doesn't put them through the potential hurt and embarrassment of a school-yard pick. Gone is also the "Who should win? Who should go home?" questioning we usually see on the runway, but we'll get there.

From the early going, it looks like one team is stacked and the other is the underdog. A team that features Matt, Samantha, Maya, Jesse, and Peytie simply feels stronger than one featuring Zach, Zachary, Bridget, Victoria, and Jaxson. Not horribly stronger, but the trio of Samantha, Jesse, and Maya sees contestants who have been consistently great to this point. Whereas Zachary and Jaxson are probably the strongest on their team with the others having been mostly safe, or even in the bottom as was the case with Zach in the first episode. But the picking was totally random, so there's no complaints to be made.

From there, it's off to see Tim where the designers are told that their being given three fashion eras to choose from (the 40s, 50s, or 60s, though I don't see why you don't replace the 40s with the flappers in the roaring 20s, but that's just me), and they're to be inspired by those eras to create a five piece cohesive collection. They're also told that only two people from each team will be going to Mood so the other three can stay behind and get to work. They'll be in communication with the workroom through FaceTime. I have to say, I like this as well. It shows a dedication to making sure there's time enough to get to work on the product, and also gets into the core of teamwork: having to trust members of your team to have your back and not screw you over when you aren't there to guide their hand.

One team picks the 40s, the other the 60s, and it's off the sketch and come up with a plan. From the start, it looks like Team 1940s has stronger communication and a more democratic kind of leadership while on Team 1960s, Samantha steps up and takes the leadership role almost by force. Matt comments that her consistent spot in the top three makes him confident in her abilities as a leader, so they're in good hands. The team seems to go through the motions of gaining consent, but there's something in the way that Samantha kind of (I say kind of because we've seen much worse) steam rolls people, and makes a "suggestion" and asks if everyone agrees that suggests she's not really looking for consent so much as expecting the others to just agree with her superior idea. Either way, everyone knows what they want to do, Maya is pretty set on her idea to make a vest, and it's off to Mood. Samantha and Peytie are going for Team 1960s and Zachary and Bridget head out for the 40s.

If Samantha's steps toward leadership in the workroom were tentative (and I'm not even sure that they were), then her actions in Mood are nothing but overt. It becomes clear that this is the Samantha show and everyone else on her team is just going to have to get in line. While she and Peytie are looking for fabric for Maya's vest, she blatantly says "I don't think we really need the vest, right? She can do something else." and after something of a beat, Peytie agrees. She either agrees or capitulates, I'm not certain which, but it's a problem either way. They have phones, they have the ability to call in to their team and check with them about these things instead of making unilateral decisions and declarations about what the people back at the workroom will do.

This isn't without its pratfalls, of course. Zachary FaceTimes his team and has a great conversation with Jaxson without a problem. But when Peytie tries to contact Jesse, they have a bad connection and lose the call. One of the things I loved about the idea of having the kids call back to the workroom to communicate fabric choices was that it seemed to fit in perfectly with this our 2015 world. These kids are probably on their phones constantly anyway (as are the rest of us to be fair), so this felt like a way to get at them on their own level to a certain extent. But of course when you rely on technology to such an extent, the option for that tech to crap out on you is always there looming over everything you do. Who hasn't had a meeting or an interview scheduled over Skype just to have your internet go down or Skype decide it just doesn't want to work today? But even so, I can't be the only one to think that Peytie could have tried a little harder. If Zachary can have a clear conversation with his team, there's clearly a sweet spot in Mood that she could have gotten to and got stronger reception.

Everyone gets back to the workroom and, surprise surprise, Team 1940s is happy with the fabric choice and already had a considerable amount marked out with muslin. Conversely, Samantha walks into the workroom and starts everything off with a "Here's how's it's going to go down" pronouncement, and everyone's miserable, Maya is especially upset about having to come up with an entirely different design since her vest was the focal point of what she was doing before and that idea got scraped without her knowledge. So when they do finally get fabric, almost everyone on the 60s team has to start their designs over from scratch because none of them got what they wanted.

Tim comes in and has one of the least effective visits of this short season. Gone is the harsh-but-ultimately-helpful Tim Gunn we've been seeing so far, and back is the mostly condescending and insulting Tim Gunn we saw in last season of Project Runway. He doesn't like much of what's happening with any of Team 1940s looks, or at least not the ones we hear him talking about. He thinks Jaxson's stark white top is horribly discordant to the rest of the collection, but he doesn't remark on the cut of it, so there's no telling if simply changing the color would be the way to go. He doesn't have anything overly negative to say about Zachary's look except that using the zippers as the hem of the pants is the wrong idea. And this is where I was most confused. While I agree with him about not using the zippers, where was the compliment to how great the top was on its own? Probably left on the cutting room floor, but still.

But that's nothing compared to Team 1960s critique. He likes Maya's dress, but hates the neckline of it and then spends all of his time talking about that one element. He's also not a fan of Matt's hunter green look, which I thought was the best thing the team had created. And he hates the tope colored fabric most of the looks are using. He also doesn't like Samantha's jacket, but it's the sole piece she's got going for her, and she likes it so she isn't changing it. Everyone else, however, scraps their looks and starts over yet again! Everyone except Maya who just reworks her neckline. I don't think we've ever seen this many start overs bode well for someone, and there's no reason to assume it'll all work out here.

The Runway:

Peytie: I’m not so concerned with how short it is, minus the fact that this is the 60s and there should be a little more modesty, but I am concerned with the way the print seems to carry the dress more so than anything else. It doesn’t look innovatively designed so much as just a simple dress with a cool print. I’m not impressed. 

Jesse: Not a fan of this either. The color blocking at least feels 60s inspired, but the dress is simple, and the cut of the hem looks sloppy and uneven to me. The addition of the pink at least pops and doing it in black and white would have been a massive failure, but I’m still not impressed. 

Matt: That head scarf has got to go. I don’t see Jackie O in that at all. There’s no way in hell this simple and basic look is better than the green dress we saw during Tim’s visit. All in all, this collection looks like exactly what it is: looks thrown together at the last minute. 

Maya: This is the best look so far. The color is perfect, the shine and the movement of the fabric is great, and the details along the neckline are fabulous. Does it say 60s to you, though? I’m still unsure. I love the swooping open back, and it’s pretty sexy, but there’s something about it all that I feel is a bit too edgy for the 60s. Still, this is great!

Samantha: The white dress gathers and bunches up in a way that’s horribly distracting, the coat still has those eyesore flyaway threads that makes it look messy and unfinished, and on top of all of that, it’s all horribly boring too. This is a massive failure from Samantha. 

Victoria: I’m going to say that I’d like to see something from her in colors other than blue and black. But with that being said, I still like this a lot. I think the pop of blue catches you off guard when you do see it. I think the peak-a-boo slit in the back of the top is really striking. And I think it’s all very tastefully done. 

Zachary: I love love love love this. The slits in the front showing off those spectacular pants! Another keyhole open back! The cut of the neckline! It’s all so sexy and sophisticated, and I like it that he says it’s modern because that’s what I think of it too. Idk that it screams 40s, but I also don’t know enough about the fashion of the 40s to be able to say one way or the other. What I do know is that it’s a great look!

Jaxson: I like this look. My complaints are in the messy construction of the top, and in the fact that the ribbon detailing on the top is black instead of in the same navy color of the dress. But other than that, it’s OK. His back isn’t open in the same way as the first two, which I think throws off that one element of cohesion, but we’ll see about the rest of the collection. 

Zach: I echo Kelly’s WOW on this one. That jacket is crazy great. The whole thing is streamlined and elegant and professional looking. It looks expensive. The neckline is sexy as hell too. I’m a fan of this!

Bridget: OK I like this a lot, I honestly do, but does it look a bit bath robe, or like a nightgown to you? Something about it takes it out of the glam I think she was going for and puts it more in the bedroom. It’s still nice, and the fabric and movement are great. I just don’t know that she achieved what she was specifically going for. 

No one's surprised to find that Team 1940s is in the top and Team 1960s is in the bottom, though Hannah is quick to point out that it's not that the 60s looks are bad so much as the 40s looks are really great. She can play lip-service to that idea all she likes, those 60s looks are pretty horrible. They talk to the 40s team first, and spend most of their time focused on Zach and Bridget. I love it that Aya is so quick to point out the evening gown quality of Bridget's look that I thought I might be alone in noticing. But as they point out, the collection goes from day to night, so Bridget's look works even better than I think she actually anticipated. But Zach's look is my favorite. They compliment the fit of the pants, and the impeccable tailoring of the whole thing. I think Zachary is short served with no one pointing out how great his look is and how impressive it is that he could pull this out even when he already had immunity. 

Maya gets the lions share of the compliments for the 60s team as her neckline and the open back are stellar aspects of the look. For some reason I simply don't understand, they seem to like Samantha's jacket (though I don't think we really hear from Aya about it), and then when she's asked to take the jacket off, everyone collectively gasps at the sight of the horrible and unfinished dress underneath. Kelly seems to like the frayed edges of the jacket itself, but to me it makes Samantha's clothes look cheap and it never feels purposeful or strategic. So when you couple that with the cheap and unfinished aspect of the dress she paired it with, you've got this consistent problem of Samantha putting cheap and unfinished looks down the runway. I forgave it in the first challenge since it was the first challenge and I figured they'd all need some time to adjust. Plus the design of that first look was strong enough to surpass any construction issues. That's not the case here though, and I find everything about this outfit to be a horrible problem. 

We don't get a closer look at the dresses in this challenge, but we do get a fairly extended conversation between the judges about who should win and who should go, and I honestly would love to see more of this in the future. It's clear that the decision on who to lose is between Samantha and Matt, and if you're anything like me, you assumed it was time for Matt to go since he's been safe-bottom-bottom through the first three challenges while Samantha has been win-top-bottom. But the judges explanation for each were really fascinating. Hearing Christian almost excuse Samantha's crappy dress in favor of the jacket they all like, and the intelligence to at least leave the jacket on to hide the horrible dress is fascinating. Couple that with Kelly's vehement anger over the state of Samantha's dress, and you can see that there's a really solid case for sending this girl home. 

Bridget wins which I can't be upset over though I like Zach's look more. Everyone is dismissed from the runway except for Samantha and Matt, and the looks on their faces say it all. Samantha is told that she's in, and she breaths a clear sigh of relief and starts to walk off the stage before anyone tells her to. Hannah stops her and sends her back to her spot before saying that Matt is safe too. No one is going home, but there will be a double elimination next week. 

Here's why I think this decision doesn't work so well: a lot of what we've been noticing thus far has seemed to be in favor of coddling these kids to an extent. A lot of what I pointed out in this episode alone suggests they're playing with kid gloves in certain places. One place where I'd like to see them not really do that is in the eliminations. I know I complain each week that these eliminations are harder to watch than the eliminations on PR, but they're still needed both to keep things moving and to perhaps teach these designers something. You can't have an off week and still be successful here. Plus, while I like Matt a lot, I don't think we've seen anything from him yet that automatically suggests we need him to stick around. Not sending anyone home here feels like a bit of a cop out. 

Here's why I think this decision works perfectly: if we take Hannah's statement that they really did like both teams looks, and didn't feel as though either team truly deserved to be in the bottom, and the arguing back and forth through the judging certainly seems to suggest that was the case, then why should anyone have to go home? I don't think they should make a habit of this by any means, but if there was ever a moment when it makes a level of sense, it's this one. Also, the conversation between the judges seems to suggest the biggest problem for the 60s team was a lack of inspiration. They bring up multiple times that it's odd that they didn't go psychedelic, Woodstock, hippy wear for this one. And while I can understand wanting to, I don't know that you can fully justify sending one person home for what is ultimately a failure on the part of the whole team. 

Either way, whether you agree with the decision or not, this is where we are. No one goes home, and yet we have a double elimination next week meaning no one except Bridget is safe. If they cop out again and only send home one person, or if they send home two and Tim saves one, that could be a problem and shed an even more negative light on this development. But if they stick with it, it could be the most stressful and dramatic episode thus far. 

Loose Threads:

--I forgot to mention that the winning look with have its pattern produced on Simplicity.com which is a site I'd never heard of before. It's for this reason that I certainly think Zach should have won since I thought his design had a little more thought and complexity to it than Bridget's did and fit in with that aspect of the challenge more. 

--Once again Zach is the only person upset by the outcome of no one going home. He seems to be the only person going hard on the competition aspect of the show. He's not wrong, but I maintain that he makes for a blight on the otherwise cute and friendly nature of the show that I've enjoyed so much. 

--With that being said, it's to his credit that he doesn't complain about not getting the win that I think he deserved. Even Bridget on the runway said she thought Zach was going to win, and he just holds his tongue. Gotta respect that. 

--Tim tell Jaxson that he doesn't like his top, and that leads to him changing it, but once again we see Jaxson's time management issue come up. Even when the team was talking about going to Mood, it was pointed out that Jaxson needed to stay in the workroom because he's constantly pressed for time. I'm happy to see them acknowledging this, but I'd like to see him get better. I'm hoping Jaxson sticks around for a long time. 

--Christian seems to be the main judge taking these kids to task on the runway. he doesn't seem to hold back much in his comments. There's one moment here where he says something and we catch the briefest shot of Kelly's "OMG! I can't believe you said that!" face before the show moves on. Kelly is quick to point out that Samantha's dress looks like shit, but she waits until everyone's in the greenroom before saying so. I've been fascinated with the judging thus far. 

Project Runway: S14 E3: "Shut Up and Sew"

There's something wonderfully organic about the drama of a team challenge on Project Runway. It's not really forced except when it feels like the producers have put certain people together for the sake of creating drama. A collection of artists with their own ideas and aesthetics are of course going to clash when asked to create something together. The truth is that compromise isn't in our nature. Everyone thinks their ideas are right. It's actually the same way I tend to think about religious people; when talking about the strife between different religions, something very basic has always been so clear to me: Of course the believers of this or that religion believe their religion to be the "right" one, if they didn't, they'd change and go with the one that was "right." That's what's at the heart of team challenges on this show; each designer, by their very nature, thinks their designs are best. The nature of a true collaboration isn't about getting them to see that their designs aren't the best, but that the two of you are more capable of coming up with something better if you work together. But until you setup the teams for any given episode, it's impossible to tell who'll be capable of doing that and who won't be.

This week, the designers are taken onto a luxurious cruise ship and told that they'll be put in pairs at which point they'll choose a suitcase. The suitcase has a destination written on it and fabric inside that will serve as the fabric they'll use. The challenge? Create a look that can easily transition from the excursion at your chosen destination back onto the ship and the typical night life found therein. For the second time this season I have to take some time and praise the show for maximizing the appeal of its runtime. This episode hit the ground running in a way that we haven't seen in years. There was no segment of the designers waking up and meeting Heidi to be told where to go meet Tim. Instead, the episode starts and the designers are already heading to the boat. Also, all of the impressed gushing over the lavish nature of the cruise ship feels earned. I don't buy for a minute that people are excited to be in a Hallmark store, but on a ship that big? Sure even I'd be awestruck. I know it's hard to sell some of the support of their sponsors, but this worked in a way very few things of this nature do. Bravo, PR, you seem to have finally learned a lesson.

I complained earlier that there didn't seem to be any big personalities on this season, and I stand by that observation, but it seems like the recipe for bringing that out of these contestants is to pair them up in some fashion. From the word "team," some of the gloves came off in confessionals. Candice (I think?) is quick to point out that she doesn't want to work with Edmond because he has immunity this week and she doesn't want to carry the brunt of the burden. Joseph says he doesn't want to work with Merline because she drives him crazy. And I was fully expecting both of them to be screwed on those points, but I was only half right. Tim pulls out the button bag and pairs people at random and Joseph and Merline end up being the last two left. To her credit, Merline seems honestly excited to be working with Joseph. Her smile during the car ride back to the workroom is unflappable as Joseph tells her point blank that her singing and dancing annoys him and she won't be allowed to do any of that when they work together.

Something else I said about the first episode of this season was that Merline was someone I found to be wonderfully authentic and the edits around her would be interesting. As we spend more time with her this week, I find myself being impressed with her authenticity as she shows how she's capable of being vulnerable. Or maybe vulnerable isn't the best word, but there's something about the way she gets upset and worries about her inability to make her and Joseph's look carry any part of her signature style, and the way she admits to being maybe too concerned with letting people down and trying hard to fit in with other people like she's still in high school. It feels honest and watching it transpire was oddly affecting. Either way, in this pair Merline comes off as the far more sympathetic party.

Once everyone gets back to the workroom, there's some small amount of manufactured drama about Blake grabbing the white fabric that Gabrielle and Amanda wanted to use, but it's short lived. There's a brief glance at all the designers working and getting along well with each other, and then the bulk of the episode is spent focusing on the three teams with the most toxic relationships. Merline and Joseph have problems whereby he seems to think his job is to teach Merline how to make the outfit he wants to make. Some portion of the problem here is that Merline isn't forceful enough to stand up for herself and speak her case. She's so concerned with hoping she doesn't let him down or that he likes her that she just allows him to make whatever he wants and then sits there demurely while he condescendingly tells her how to make it. Meanwhile, Joseph sees all the time that he "has" to spend telling her how to make his dress as a distraction from the work he could be doing if he were alone. But unless I missed something in the editing or through just not paying close enough attention, there wasn't a "need" to hold Merline's hand through it all; he chose to do that on his own accord and then got made at her for it. Joseph seems to thrive best when he's teaching someone else how to do something, and that's the dynamic he gets with Merline because he doesn't respect her and she's too passive to stand up and demand respect.

Meanwhile, Jake and Lindsey have their own set of problems. She doesn't like it when he calls her things like "sweetie" and "honey" and he doesn't like how forceful and direct she is with some of her opinions. There are, I think, two ways to read this situation. 1) Jake is a misogynistic ass who purposefully condescends to women with pet names in a manner that's meant to be placatory, and he has a problem with the fact that Lindsey has thoughts and opinions of her own. 2) There's a cultural misunderstanding between them and a fundamental difference in the way they communicate. What I mean by that is that I think, though I can't be sure, that I hear a hint of a southern accent when Jake speaks. If that's the case, then calling a woman, especially a woman younger than himself, things like sweetie is just so deeply engrained in him that he couldn't turn it off even if he tried. That's not to say that such a thing isn't accidentally condescending in and of itself, but I didn't get the impression that that was his intention, so maybe if they had just talked that out before getting to the runway, things could have been better? Either way, they don't like each other, and Jake's brilliant plan on how to get around that is to sit around doing nothing while Lindsey does all the work so he can throw her under the bus when they inevitably find themselves in the bottom.

Communication problems also extend to Han and Edmond. The interesting thing about this pairing was in how splendidly wrong they both were. Edmond wants them to communicate and wants Han to tell him all of her thoughts while she's having them right there right now. On the one hand, this is because they only really have eight hours in which to work and finish their look. On the other hand, he isn't taking into consideration the possibility that Han thinks in a different language than he does and therefore would have to formulate her thoughts and then translate them to English all in her head before she can even begin to get the words out. And even if that's not the case, different people think and process information differently; Edmond's insistence on her just blurting out what she's thinking isn't taking these things into consideration. But with all that being said, Han also has to do a better job of expressing her thoughts and concerns in a timely manner. When she complains that the dress she sketched was more in Edmond's aesthetic than in her own and she doesn't like it, he's right to point out that that's something they needed to address long before the time in which she brought it up. She's also inflexible to an extent that I found odd, and both of them are passive aggressive and a bit petty. So there's that.

Tim's visit is predictable. The teams that are getting along well need very little help, and the teams that aren't need miracles. My artists thinking that they're right theory holds true in a brief moment between Swapnil and Laurie when he points out that he wants to use one kind of fabric and she wants a different one, and Tim agrees with Laurie's choice and Swapnil looks a bit dejected. But to his credit, he listens and the outfit is made all the better for it. Tim's advice to Han and Edmond is that Han basically just needs to do what Edmond is saying and I'm left wondering what the fuck kind of advice is that? Sorry, but Tim's stock as a mentor is just plummeting with me this season.

There's one more moment of drama before the runway when Edmond decides to stop working on the skirt that's going to serve as the wrap for their bathing suit and start making a new bathing suit from scratch as he assumes the one Han made won't fit properly. Meanwhile, Han sees this, grabs her suit and their model and locks them both in a bathroom while she sews the model into the two piece without Edmond's knowledge. It's petty, deceitful, and underhanded, and hilarious. It's especially funny that Edmond complains about Han's move being those things without acknowledging that his own choice to make a second bathing suit on his own was also all of those things. It's a pot and kettle kind of moment, but I still couldn't help but to laugh.

On the runway, the lovely, funny, and talented Tracee Ellis Ross is a guest judge, and in that moment the reason why Laurie was talking about how much she loved Girlfriends and Tracee Ellis Ross earlier in the episode is made clear. For what it's worth, Ross is a thoughtful, capable, and rightfully harsh judge and I'd love for her to come back anytime!

The Runway:

Ashley and Candice Venice:

I like it way more than I expected to. I thought it would all be a bit much together, and there is a slight feeling of a lack of cohesion in the textiles, but not the looks themselves. It's something I can see someone buying specifically for vacation and I think it does serve to transition well between spaces. I think it's really pretty and well made. Welcome back to form, Ashley.

Swapnil & Laurie India:

Is there a weird fit to the pants? It looks oddly bunched up in the back. Maybe it’s just the fabric. Other than that, I like this look a lot. I like the fabric choice for the Sari drape as it’s really nicely understated. The top is really pretty. The pants are probably the weakest part of the look for me, but they work as part of the outfit. Maybe a little more time on getting the tailoring just right would make the difference. 

Lindsey & Jake Hong Kong:

I actually think it’s cute, but I don’t think the fabric photos well at all. It hurts my eyes on the runway. The cut of it is simple, but still cute, so I honestly have no complaints. If I didn’t want to see them on the runway complaining about each other, I’d say they deserved to be safe based on the look. 

Joseph & Merline St. Petersburg:

I like Joseph’s taste level, I really do, but good lord could that dress look any older, sadder, or more simple? The complaint that there’s no Merline is accurate. There’s no fun, and no youth, and I can’t imagine anyone who'd want to wear that on a cruise vacation. 

Edmond & Han The Caribbean:

The first thing I notice about this look is the way the model turns around and holds the skirt up over her ass to cover up just how exposed she is. It’s a bottom that wasn’t meant to be a thong but turned into a thong and that’s a problem. Other than that misstep, do I hate it? Maybe a bit, but not fully. It looks thrown together around all those straps in the middle, and the top looks poorly constructed, but there’s an idea there and there’s someone that I could imagine wearing it if it were actually finished. It needs a lot of work, but it's not the single worst piece of shit I've ever seen. It is, however, the worst thing on the runway thus far. 

Amanda & Gabrielle South of France:

The puckering in the back of the top is an eyesore. The pants are well made and cute, but ultimately I just found it boring. And I don’t see much of a transition to it. So I think it’s boring and it doesn’t really embody the challenge all that well. 

Blake & Kelly Greek Isles:

hm….. I want to like this, I really really do. And I find the cut of the top to be sexy without being tasteless. The only thing I don’t like is the cut of the bottom. The flowy sides look like fish fins to me, or something, and I can’t take my eyes off of them. On the one hand, it adds movement, so that’s nice, but on the other hand I find it distracting and not very flattering. Heidi smiling like that doesn’t surprise me though, this looks screams her. 

Blake & Kelly are the only safe look. Joseph & Merline and Edmond & Han are of course in the bottom. The surprise comes from Jake & Lindsey being in the top. They're joined by Swapnil & Laurie and Ashley & Candice. Gabrielle & Amanda round out the bottom. Which all just goes to show that how a team does or doesn't work together might not have much baring on where they end up. 

It's positive things all around for Ashley & Candice. Ross calls their willingness to mix textiles bold, and when they're asked who should win neither of them can pick. Heidi points out the poor fit on the pants in Swapnil & Laurie's look, but other than that the judges respond favorably to it. Ross, after being flattered by Laurie before the runway show started, admits that she doesn't mind the pants at all. So take that, Heidi! Laurie says, without hesitation, that Swapnil should win and he seems happy with that assessment. Jake & Lindsey's critique is the shit show we all could have assumed it would be. The manner in which they can't seem to leave well enough alone is just ridiculous. You made it to the top looks, take the compliment and try to sneak off with some amount of dignity. It doesn't even seem like the judges grill them much before Jake is just spilling the beans on everything that was wrong with their partnership. When it's time for the judges to talk about the outfit, they all seem a bit flustered and taken aback by just how much the designers didn't get along. They have nice things to say about the look, but it's clear they won't get giving the win to this team after all that dysfunction. 

As for the bottom looks, there's no real surprises in what the judges say. What annoys me the most is how even faced with the critique, with the judges asking who should go home, and with Joseph throwing her so firmly under the bus, Merline never really mounts a solid defense for herself. The dress is so clearly of Joseph's design and construction that there can be no doubt that it's all on him. He opens the defense by saying the person he designs for is older and everyone rips the dress for being too old. This is 100% his look, this is 100% his screw up, and yet he firmly believes that Merline should go home? He cites that having to take time away from what he needed to do caused the dress to be a s bad as it is, but at no point does Merline say that she never asked for or needed his constant tutelage and overbearing nature. Never once does she say she deserves to stay simply because she didn't really have a hand in anything that went down the runway. If they want to eliminate her for not working to help her partner, that'd be one thing, but it's information that the judges would have to have and make the call themselves. Instead she mostly just says that she shouldn't go home because she wants to stay and we're all left rolling our eyes. You've got to do better than that, baby girl. 

In the end, Ashley and Candice both get the win because the judges can't decide who to give it to. And Han goes home mostly, it seems, because Edmond has immunity. This is already the second win for Ashley who seems to have rebounded after the disaster last week, but in truth I would have given this one to Swapnil and Laurie. This makes the second week in a row that Swapnil was only barely edged out when he could have and should have won and it's starting to remind me of the times Sean stole wins from Kini last year. This also makes the second time that a contest went from a top look to a look that would have sent them home if they didn't already have immunity. So I guess we've gotta keep our eye on Candice and Ashley next week and see if the pattern holds. 

Loose Threads: 

--Joseph lost a lot of points with me in this episode. I don't know how much of it is the editing and how much of it is just him being a dick, but I was not a fan of his this week. 

--Idk how many people saw this, but there was a little moment during one of the commercial breaks where we got to spend time with Laurie while she called her daughter and gave a little more backstory on herself. It was the single cutest thing in the world. I'm always so much more invested in teary calls home with they involve children than I am when it's to partners. If you can't be without your boyfriend or girlfriend for a couple week without crying about it, then that speaks of codependency and it ain't cute. But this worked and it was a nice way to make the commercial break tolerable and to get to know a little more about one of the contestants without taking up the more important show time. Project Runway's good show management shows up again, and I'm loving it. 

--Why is everything always "about to get real" with Merline? Is she from some place where everything is just constantly fake?

--There was a significant lack of Blake in this episode and that was 100% the way to go. The less I see of him the better. 

Project Runway All-Stars S4 E3: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Stage show challenges are a favorite of Project Runway. It is understandable, considering the show is filmed in NYC in close proximity to Broadway. We've seen tie ins ranging from figure skating to the Rockettes to The Thunder Down Under. In fact, the Godspell challenge had a costume designed for the stage worn in the show. It is in this vei...

Wait...what? It seems that outside producers have figured out that one-day challenges suck. And, they don't want to commit to having to put a shitty outfit on stage sight unseen. They have good cause too, considering some of the lackluster designs that have come out. As a result, Project Runway All-Stars combined the stage show challenge with the avant-garde challenge, with the promise that the outfit would be in a window somewhere in the lobby.

The inspiration for this week is Wicked, the still-running musical about the Wicked Witch of the West. Wicked has been running for 11 years now, and is a Broadway juggernaut. I imagine that the ticket sales might be waning by now (especially with 2 different US tours also going around). There is no stopping Wicked, much like there's no stopping Project Runway.

The challenge this week pairs up the designers and pits them against each other. One side designs for Good, and the other designs for Wicked. The challenge runs two days, during which the All Stars must design a couture avant garde gown. The odd-on favorite of this is Chris March, who had designed one of Project Runway's all-time show stoppers with Christian Siriano (aka judge of Project Runway Threads). 

Obviously, the intent of this is to create drama and in-group animosity. Friends will become enemies, designers will fight with each other, ideas will be stolen, stress will be created. But, because Project Runway All Stars is running like the classic Project Runway, everybody is mainly bitter at having to compete one-on-one instead of at each other. The designers, and the editors, seem to be pointed against the producers for trying to generate drama instead of actually making good television.

On the other hand, we're actually getting a 2-day challenge for once. I imagine this is in no small part due to the late start they're probably getting. Unless Alyssa Milano woke up at like 3 am to get her makeup and hair done, fitted for her dress, and then harnessed on top of a moon, I imagine day one was a late start as day one was finished before the first commercial break. Which seems insane.

The two days allows for some of the most interesting failures. Helen, for instance, creates a big gorgeous ruffle fabric, which is immediately reminiscent of the afore-mentioned March and Siriano success. But, she doesn't know what to do with it, and just attaches it like a giant carpet or something. She had a great seedling of an idea, and was able to execute it...but didn't know what to do with that seedling. 

Fabio doesn't DO gowns, so elects to deconstruct the gown. Well, not so much as deconstruct, but construct the idea of a gown. Well, not so much as the idea of a gown, but a half-assed apron. He actually does two outfits, and puts the one that most people were criticizing, in a group think, on the runway. I'm not talking about confessional criticizing, but openly telling Fabio he's making a mistake. Still, he doesn't listen.

On the other hand, there are some interesting work arounds. Both Egg and Sonjia find fabrics where half of the work has already been done for them. Sonjia found a gorgeous edgy lace which doesn't look like the usual lace. It's a gorgeously constructed fabric with an intricate and unusual pattern cut into it. Egg finds a rhinestone fabric which glitters like the best of Broadway. It's a gorgeous fabric where you just have to put it into an interesting shape to make it look good.

Zanna comes around really early in the episode this week. In reality, she makes her appearance at 1:15pm on Day 2, which means that everybody has about half of a day to figure out how to make things better. This week, she's amazing. She has some great critiques. "Shower loofah." "Avoid every bone in your body." "Dullsville." "Get rid of anything that resembles crafty." Some people listen, and they're in the top. 

The best comment of the episode goes to Dimitry, who criticizes the afore-mentioned Fabio group think. According to Dimitry, the gang spends 30 minutes hemming and hawwing over Fabio's gown, and Dimitry is like "how the hell do you have the time for this?" Which, really? Although, Chris March, one of the guys in the group think, once took a nap in his original season.

The only detriment to these early episodes is that, in 60 minutes, the editors don't have any time to craft stories. Egg got some time this episode. Helen, so far, hasn't started any drama. The closest to a villain is Dimitry being periodically bitchy and self-absorbed. But, you know what? I'm not rooting against anybody this season. I'm rooting for Chris, because I absolutely loved his final collection and am still bitter I didn't get to see that in motion on tv. I really love Fabio's design. Justin is still a really sympathetic character who has great ideas that don't seem to get fully drawn out. Jay and Sonjia are edgy and fantastic. I mean, some people have tastes I don't like (*ahem* Portland *ahem*), but I'm not rooting against anybody this year. That's actually refreshing.

Runway

This week, Georgina Chapman has been replaced by Betsey Johnson (can we keep her?). And, the main guest is Ariel Winters, from Modern Family.

• Helen - So, remember when I said that she had a great idea and didn't know what to do with it. Remember when Zanna warned her that her giant ruffle thing could look like a shower loofah? Well, Helen decided to use the ruffles as a side attachment. It looks like a bath mat got stuck to the dress. Which matches the great sofa upholstry fabric she uses for the rest of the dress. Betsey later says it looks like a place to rest your drinks. It's really ridiculous and does seem like it should be for hiding something. Like, if you put a shelf into the dress you could have a bar at an awards ceremony ("would you like an old fashioned? Here, let me just get the mixers..."). The rest of the dress is an easy dress with black thingies sticking out of her shoulder for...some reason. Epic. Fail.
• Benjamin - Helen's counterpart. He makes an outfit that could be worn in an 80s sex comedy where somebody makes a deal with the devil in order to become a lothario. Especially if it were in red. It's also remarkably undetailed, with his fabric doing all the work for him. I can't find any way it's couture or avant-garde. He better thank his lucky stars that Helen pushed the envelope and failed.
• Deathrage - Here's one of those interesting failures. The fabric at the top is this white sik with a dark overlay that has been hand molded to create visual lines of dark and light. It looks like a purchased zebra fabric, but it isn't. It's gorgeous, but it doesn't do much for the dress itself. The feathers (what is with all the feathers this episode?!) are just attached at the top, and the bottom is dullsville. 
• Dmitry - Gorgeous. It looks like it could be high fashion or a Broadway costume. What looked crafty at the time of Zanna's meeding has been beaded and feathered over to give the cutouts added texture. The back is amazingly constructed. It looks like a haunted, wicked, look, and the handwork is immediately obvious.
• Sonjia - Here's a dress that I really don't get. The top is amazing. Sonjia lets the elaborate lace do a lot of the heavy lifting, and her Roman feather shoulders make for a great finish at the shoulders and even at the bottom of the skirt. But, then there's the dress, which looks like she took her boyfriend's trench coat and tied it around her waist for some reason. I don't see it as interesting, but just a dress. It looks cheap, and it ruins the bottom half for me.
• Kate - Overworked. It looks like a Hot Topic Halloween costume. The fabric choice is terrible, the skirt overlay is too much, the shoulders are awful, and the whole thing just feels tortured.
• Portland - It's a basic dress with a hidden vulva on her back. I feel like this is from Invasion of the Body Snatchers or something in order to show that you don't have an alien on your back. And, the vagina shape, complete with shin flaps, is just out O'Keefing Georgia. She got the avant-garde portion down, because...this is avant-garde to the max. But, the dress is boring and ill-constructed from the front and hilarious from the back.
• Chris - This feels like he went more for the Broadway side of things. This dress is a total Monet. From afar, it has a stagey presence that would play to the backseats. The styling cements it as an 80s goth band dancer. But, up close, the dress looks cheap and store bought. I love the effect he created, but the finishing was awful. Except for the petticoat, which is fabulous.
• Fabio - It's a sci-fi futuristic apron on a fabulous pair of pants. It doesn't create the idea of a gown. It is avant-garde, but I also don't see couture in it. It just is kind of out there and risky. Which, I can kind of get behind...in a way. Just not for this challenge.
• Justin - Neither avant garde nor couture. It's a boring but pretty dress with some sparkles on it.
• Jay - What? The reason I love this dress is because it made me go what? I hate this dress otherwise. His model is styled to look like a guy. The dress looks like it could be in the video for Army of Lovers' Crucified, and the ruffles...it just...it's risky. Which is good. But, it's terrible. Much like Helen's dress.
• Egg - The fabric does so much of the work for her. It's a pretty dress with sparkly fabric. The shape is kind of interesting in the jacket, but it looks like it's just meh.

The great dresses were generally up against really good dresses, and the bad dresses were up against other bad dresses. When Alyssa named the first three - Portland, Justin, Egg - I genuinely thought we were getting the losers of the group. Justin's is boring. Egg's is boring. Portland's is boring. But, then Sonjia was called, and I was like, "Wait, they thought Sonjia's was terrible? Maybe they didn't like the skirt too." Then, Benjamin and Dmitry. With Dmitry's being the only genuinely perfect outfit in the winners. Sonjia, Egg, and Dmitry are in the top. Chris, Fabio, and Helen are in the bottom. 

Chris designed right into Betsey Johnson's wheelhouse, but she seems excited by how awful it is. In fact, she seems to be having fun with all of the designers. She calls Chris' "Wonderfully wickedly wrong." She tells Helen that she liked the dress because she thought it was a place to rest your drink, or your arm, and laughs. She also tells Egg that her outfit is boring, which it is. 

That being said, the big toss up is between Helen and Chris. Helen's is a trainwreck from conception, but shows a lot of work. Chris is far more simplistic, and should have been able to at least shape the fishbone to the curves of a body. Chris went home because this was the second week in a row where his outfit was lazy and awful. While, Helen stays in.

Sonjia wins, but I still really don't get the dress wrap around.

Random Observations

• What is with Benjamin being fascinated by the smoke machines??\
• I miss the extended Handlebar Moustache Guy sequences.
• Why don't the designers do any of the hair like in the International Conference video? This is the avant-garde challenge. Go Loud and Proud!
• Apparently somebody just strapped a bolt of fabric to Alyssa Milano and called it good...
• Betsey Johnson has the best giant lipstick. She doesn't give a fuck.
• Why is Helen wearing a nurse's outfit on the stage?

Project Runway S13 E3: "Past, Present and Future"

PAST
Before we get into tonight's show, I have to rewind because Project Runway is pulling some total shenanigans this season.

Project Runway, in the 90 minute Premiere edition, cuts immediately from the runway show straight to the designers standing on the runway with the runway finding out who has been on the top and bottom. Once they find out, the non top/bottom designers go to the green room, and chit chat about who they think is top and bottom, but it's really casual and nothing ever really coheres.

Project Runway, in the shortened 60 minute Rerun edition, cuts immediately from the runway show to a mini collage of the designers doing a confessional voting for whom they think was the best and the worst. The Green room segment is cut out.

In episode 1, the majority of the designers didn't like Sandhya, and voted against her. So, when she won, there was a lot of animosity since they thought she was the worst.

In episode 2, the majority of the designers think that Fade should have won (7 votes), and 3 people chose Amanda (whose dress still makes me SO MAD...UGH). But, as we know, Angela brought Fade's team down, so he had no chance. A couple people voted for Angela, but, on the whole, the designers were split with the designer with the worst votes being Emily, getting 3 votes. Nobody liked those giant avant garde hips. The editors did not highlight any votes for Sandhya.

The thing is, this new segment is extremely important to the drama of the season. While the green room segment shows us the face the designers are giving to the other designers, the montage shows what the designers really were thinking, and they start resenting people who give them the opposite. Such as how I'm still completely resenting Amanda's win because...so awful. Worse than Angela's napkin dress.

That the "who we think should win and lose" is kept from the viewer of the premiere episode is baffling. I love this segment so much.

PRESENT
Today's episode is "Past, Present, and Future." Apparently Marie Claire magazine is 20 years old, and started in 1994. Which means that the Teutonic Goddess was just a Teutonic Princess-in-Waiting, Tim Gunn was in his 12th year at Parsons and becoming Assistant Dean, Nina was working as an assistant, and Zac was...14 and making such terrible sartorial choices he gets cut off.

Which brings us to the stupidity of this challenge. Marie Claire wants to see what the designers think that 2034 fashion will look like when filtered through the eyes of the present designer, inspired by some distant memory past.  Oh dear. Designing for the future is never good. Because, unless you're Elena and your aesthetic is already in the future, this will probably mean a lot of dark sci-fi bullshittery. Especially because the editor-in-chief referenced grunge as something she liked and that was coming back.

The whole goal of this episode is to try to bring the designers out of their Reality Show Archetypes and try to humanize everybody by bringing in their past, and letting them ping around with their past swirling through their head. But, the producers know that the challenge won't be enough on its own, so they make a bulletin board with a bunch of pictures of the designers from 1994. And...OMG, Sean has a sword! So adorbs!

Really, the past pictures can add only so much, and tear down so many walls. The picture they chose for Amanda has her wearing the first dress she ever made, and she humblebrags that she played bass guitar with her brother from...um...that one band? Yeah, she's going to remind you at every minute that her brother is her most interesting characteristic. Similarly, Angela had mastered her petrified look 20 years ago. However, this only lasts for a brief segment.

There's also a whole segment where people are gathering as friends (knocking off the team challenge from last week which was actually, like, yesterday in their time). The Texas Hipster says "Oh, yeah. I don't care about fitting in. I'm just gonna do my own thing. And, The Oppressed One comments, "Nobody likes me, but I'm just going to go with it. I don't care." You know, even though she bitched about it to Tim Gunn last week.

To be totally honest, the ones who, so far, haven't escaped the archetypes I proposed in the first episode have been Emily (The Mom), Sandhya (The Oppressed One), Angela (The Nervous One), Amanda (The Elder Statesman), and Mitchell (The Obnoxious Bitch). Really, I'm getting sick of both Angela's and Mitchell's shit. Unlike Adrian, I think a lot of this is in the editing actually. Because, we see Mitchell becoming friends with Char while Texas Hipster is having her "woe is me" aside. Amanda is having talks with Fade. Sean and Alexander are having private talks.

There are a lot a lot of moments that are in a 9 hour day, and the moments that the editors choose really create these characters in subtle ways. I think there's more to Angela that has been on display both in the work room and in the hotel room, but the editors choose not to highlight that. Sandhya gets a more even treatment, emphasizing her point of view, but she's still An Oppressed One. These are the stories that we're told from the producers and editing rooms.

The one person I really like is Char, whom I had previously labeled as a potential Sassy Black Woman, but is totally reminding me of some of the amazing women I met in Southfield (which, given she's from Detroit, about 15 miles away from there, of course). The editors are letting her be a full fledged woman. I like Fade (who had a really dour German picture from 1994...in a crop sweater...re-emphasizing his status as Dieter) and Emily, but Char is the one whom I'm rooting for purely based on personality. She's warm and funny and smart, and amazing.

But, enough about that...what about the clothes?!

As OB rightly intones (goddammit, I hate saying he's right), the majority of the people probably heard Grunge and went off on it. Alexander gets hung up on his single mother's afghan blanket, which means he was going future horse blanket. And, he had a complicated top that looked like it could have been fucking amazing, if he had figured out its construction. The lines were sleek and motorcycle future inspired by grungy past over a raggedy blanket, it would have been amazing. And, I think he should have send out the sloppy top.

The ones who are designing with bold color are Sandhya (pink and gold), Angela (fleshy pale peachy pink?), Char (bright blue), Fade (light blue), Korina (Yellow) and OB (greys with turquoise lining). Everybody else is doing grungy colors. It's a very dark runway show we're in for.

The most interesting story of fashion was Alexander. But, there's also Sean's last minute hat he makes from a Mood Bag. And, Mitchell is trying to make a story about Miami being underwater because global warming.

But, I'm cutting those stories short because, I have a few bones to pick with the judging this season. So, hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen, it's Runway Time, bitches!

Today, we're given two guest judges. The editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, and some fashion photographer who was granted a shallow-ass talk show that follows Project Runway. Which, has anybody actually watched the show? It's the worst post show ever. Can't we get Chris Hardwick to host? Or, even TLo? Or, may I suggest Adrian and I? We'll actually talk about Project Runway and not TMNT.

Anyways, Runway.

Kristine - I fucking love this look. This is, hands down, my favorite look of the night. It's sleek, it's past modern, and the jacket is kind of killer. The lines are gorgeous, and the white on white tonality is flawless.

Hernan - TRASHY. OMG. It's like some kinky fetish bra type thing with a harness, but with drape fabrics and...this isn't even the day to night challenge! This is just all sorts of wrong, and I really truly hated it. But, the back was gorgeous as hell.

Mitchell - I hate saying it, I like it. It's sportswear and it's tongue in cheek (comical is the word of the night). The lines being of completely different widths on the top and bottom kind of bug me, but the overall look is fun and sporty.

Amanda - I didn't hate it. That doesn't mean it's actually good. But, it's like 1970s crashed with the 1990s, and fucked up the model's hair. But, what was with the gold chain harness?

Angela - No. Terrible construction, even from afar. The idea was bizarre to begin with (a single white lapel that goes down and points at the girl's hoo haa? A sleeveless jacket in that fabric?), but the styling is so boring. Oh, Angela. This was terrible. And, the look of the label was copied from your first week's look that the judges hated. In the end, it's like the new look at the Clinique makeup counter.

Emily - Emily has the best model ever. She's got the best fiercest look coming down the runway, and the makeup Emily chose accentuated that strength. Then the clothing is just the best kind of warrior princess sci-fi inspired action movie outfit imaginable. The fit is great. And, it just works.

Samantha - Snooooooozzzzzzzeeee. A rich girl is going to school in the winter and threw on some random nice clothes.  SNOOOOOOOZZZZZEEE.

Kini - Its a nice pants and top with a decent cape. But, Emily's got you beat with almost the exact same look.

Fade - Here is somebody who had a very different future from everybody else. It's like, light blue and fluffy and feels like a European surrealistic future, perhaps in a Michel Gondry film? I really like it. It doesn't feel like the challenge at all, which is my favorite part about it. It feels like a take on the fashion we're seeing now and would be in the future. The best of the bunch.

Sean - BORING. It's clean, sophisticated, simple, modern, and very boring. There is no life in it, and it feels like somebody would have worn it in the 60s, the 90s, the 00s, the 10s, the 20s, and the 30s. In otherwords, it's moderately timeless and old hat. But, honey, your construction is shit.

Char - A miss. I mean, I love the two-toned pants. They're very graphic. But, the top doesn't belong with the pants, and it just doesn't work for me.

Korina - She has a terrible model who doesn't sell the look at all. But, it feels modern. Not of the future. Not of the past. But of the present. Like, "Hi, I just made a good looking outfit because I want to be safe."

Alexander - It's a potato sack dress in a bad fabric. I really feel I should hate it, but I'm so pessimistic about the future I really love it. This is what we're all going to be wearing in the future, you guys. It's really costumey though.

Sandhya - Speaking of costume, what the fuck is this? You guys might remember, I was a total Patricia apologist back in Season 12. But, this is just beyond Patricia. I can't even. It's like a costume from an Italian space opera of the 1970s that ripped off Star Wars. I'm not even joking, I can't deal with this. It's just awful.

Which...brings us to the judging. First of all, let me get this out of the way...what the fuck was Nina wearing? She was dressed like a disco ball...again? I swear I've seen her in similar awful tops. This kind of is as bad as the kindergarten alphabet sweater from Season 11. It's like she interprets the future as being a mirror computer. I was clawing my eyes out.

Besides this, the judging this season has been a season long trolling, I think. The winning dress every week has been calculated for #ProjectRunwayFail tweets. I liked Sandhya's first week dress, which was avant garde and announced her as a designer, and I could see the Indian styling to it. But, it wasn't the best of the week given it had some rough patches that needed to be worked out.

But, her dress this week was fucking awful. And, making her win again for something so inscrutably underdesigned, terrible and costumy. Heidi is right on this one. It was comical. And, it was awful. And, last week's had a similar DIY awfulness to it that just makes me think the winning design for the next few weeks are going to be college runway show shit.

The judges also were having fun tearing the dresses apart in the closer look. The editors really made them look cruel this week. And, they were even kind of cruel to the model.

But, when they were judging Alexander's look, I had a brief flash of them as judges in the Capital in the Hunger Games universe. They wanted the future to be fun and bright and silly and cheaply made! Alexander's dress may have been dour, but dour and dreary is not a valid criticism of the future when the present politics are so uneasy.

The worst dress this week was the winning look. But, I'm not too sad to see Angela go. Girl might be a better designer when she's not under pressure. But, the pressure got to her from when she was on the fucking plane, and she couldn't escape it because she was repeatedly on the bottom. Totally expendable, if only because she shouldn't be on a reality show.

FUTURE
The judges are going to smoke crack for awhile until it's fairly obvious their judging shouldn't be taken seriously at all.

The designers are going to be bitter at Sandhya for winning, when most probably felt she was going home, re-emphasizing her The Oppressed One archetype and storyline.

Korina will still be striving for villain.

We'll keep watching. Can you send us some burger coupons?

Random Observations

• Happy Birthday Adrian. 
• Also, I should say that this year is Project Runway's 10th anniversary season. Yeah, yeah, I know they celebrated their 10th back in Season 10. But, really, the first episode was aired in December 2004. Shhhh. 
• Tim pronounces quasi "QUAY SZIGH"
• Does unshaved Alexander in the confessionals remind anybody else of Zippy the Pinhead? Just me? It's mainly the hair which has been waxed to death
• Das Ist Kunst!

Project Runway S12 E03: "An Unconventional Coney Island"

HAH!

Did I scare you?

Well, I'm no Teutonic Queen.

Heidi starts off the episode by waking up everybody at 5:30 am with messy hair. She says "We're going to Coney Island," but she doesn't actually make it there. So, HAH! Fuck you all, she needs her beauty rest.

At Coney Island, Tim Gunn shows us the product placement of this episode, which may actually be among the worst that Project Runway has ever come up with: Yoplait Froyo. 

Yoplait, you see, cannot afford to do their own marketing and testing for their froyo, and have the Project Runway designers hand out froyo on this cold, rainy June day in New York to get words that describe the experience. You know, so the words can describe the outfits...or, for Yoplait to use in their marketing. Whichever.

On top of this, this is a teams challenge, which seems alright except it seems cynically planned to pair Team Portlandia-In-Milwaukee together. You know, Sunstainidiot and Ex Military Miranda. One is oblivious to the world around them, and the other hates everybody, specifically her partner.

The other teams seem well paired, at first. Make note of "at first". 

The teams hand out their froyo, and once that bit of marketing brouhaha is out of the way, we get down to what the challenge actually is: make froyo-descriptive outfits out of carnival toys that the teams have to play games to win! Whee!!!

At this point, everybody is having fun, including Team Portlandia...namely because Miranda is biting back her hate to attempt to work with Sustainidiot, even going so far as to lie to him saying she may have been bitchy to him so far, but she's actually glad to be working with him! He is oblivious to these lies, and instead focuses in winning a unicorn stuffy. 

Once toys are procured, we are delivered to the work room, where Sandro promptly starts alpha male-ing his partner, Sue the Burner. Sandro, who had previously already been showing his douchy side, becomes ultra-bro douche this episode. He starts dominating Sue and constantly belittling her at every turn.

The other team of fascination is Team Portlandia, where Manic Pixie Sustainidiot maximizes his neuroses while Miranda starts patterning. While she's patterning, Sustainidiot changes their mind, deletes the sketch from the HP workbook (save? What's that?!) and re sketches something completely different. This is the beginning of the end for Team Portlandia, as Miranda comes back incredulously and starts to lose her see-through mask of cordiality.

Everybody else seems fine, and gets about 30 seconds of airtime.

Tim Gunn review time!

Ken and Jeremy (aka ToKen and London) show Tim sketches. And have nothing to show Tim. He approves of the material.

Alexandria and Dom (a white blonde whom I keep forgetting about and the black girl with taste to spare), are making a "Japanese street culture" dress that looks like an ugly kid's toy on the mannequin. Tim approves.

Justin and Alexander (deaf guy and red head probable drag queen) are making something that, according to Alexander, might be junior. Tim tells them to add something but be tasteful!

Karen and Bradon (Red Head Drew Barrymore and Dance Beard) is creating something avant garde, but only have a giant green vinyl tumor on their form's hip. Tasteless Sandro sees this bit of hideousness and says "I want to do that next time!" Tim says they're the only ones doing this avant garde thing, and that's good.

Sue and Sandro are having their fights spill over into Tim Gunn review time, as Sue immediately starts bitching about Sandro's dominance to Tim upon Tim's arrival. They show Tim a cheap blue vinyl top, and then Sandro starts ripping apart the design sketches they have. He then starts worrying about Zac Posen's critiques of his work as "This too much, that too much." Since this recap is obviously written after the next week's episode aired, I want you readers to make note that Zac Posen was starting to creep into Sandro's mind and poison him. Then, Sandro starts cursing up a storm and calling Sue's ideas "Lady Gaga shit." He starts insulting her work, and she's trying not to fight him in front of Tim.

Kate and Helen do a bodice and structured skirt out of deconstructed sombrero remnants. Tim approves.

Team Portlandia have assembled a cheap looking dress that Tim calls "hospital gown-y," "Disney", "Happy Hands at Home" and crafty! And, Sustainidiot is doing a could-be-cool but ultimately cheap looking yellow weaving fabric to make a vest over. Tim's critique is the breaking point for Miranda, was already visibly seething, and she shuts down while Sustainidiot tries to resurrect their dress with add-ons.

Miranda loses faith in the dress, and in Sustainidiot, and turns into Megabitch shutting down Sustainidiot. Meanwhile, Sue starts standing up for herself to Sandro.

Finally, Megabitch starts mouthing off about Sustainidiot and their dress in the sewing room. And, by mouthing off, she's totally insulting Sustainidiot, saying he sucks and that he's a terrible designer, and he's awful to work with. Even when Timothy enters the room, Megabitch is all "I don't care if he's in the room. You wanted the Mean Miranda, you got the Mean Miranda." Timothy's been crushed, hard, and he goes to cry to somebody because, well, she was being unusually cruel. And, when he walks off the show for a couple hours and re-passes the sewing room, Megabitch is STILL mouthing off. Even Drama Helen tells her she's being a bitch, and she's needs to cool it with that shit. Megabitch's attitude is even noted enough to prompt Sophie, the model, to write a letter to Timothy. Then, Megabitch loses her steam and starts feeling shitty and crying. When Timothy comes back, it's that tense calm after the storm.

Meanwhile, Angry Warrior Sandro and Sue are still fighting until Sue finally kowtows to Angry Warrior and says that she'll just be his assistant. He says he respects that decision, because he finally won.

The next day, Megabitch tells Timothy that she feels "so rude" for how she treated Timothy yesterday. And, she "feels like an incredible ass." She doesn't apologize on screen. And, Timothy makes her eat her words. "Actions speak louder than words." And, "I did nothing wrong." These are the words of a grown up victim if bullying. Megabitch then starts lying her ass off saying she loved the look they've created in order to curry Timothy's favor, and it doesn't work.

Makeup and Hair, then runway!

Heidi comes on stage to explain all the convolutions of this week's project and it's completely ridiculous. First Yoplait Froyo, Descriptive words, then Coney Island games to get the materials for the outfits. And tonight's guest judge: Kelly Osbourne.

Team Redhead: An avant garde look that would be amazing, if they hadn't made the gigantic green tumor on the side so gigantic. The swirling of the plastic waves of the dress is gorgeous, and the green swirl at the center is placed so well to be playful but not perverse. I even love the frothy brown shoulder strap with the fluffy cotton on it. They were safe. 

Dom and Alexandria: Raver culture, Japanese street culture, and Domo Kun collide to make this fun thing that's very young and raver. It's edgy, but its just so....90s pulp raver/00s Burner that I can't get behind it fully. 2nd place.

Sandro and Sue: Cheap Plastic bags. Just meh. Inexplicably safe.

Kate and Helen: Sombreros make great fabric! The structure is great and the skirt most of all is very effortlessly Jetsons. It's amazing.  Helen wins for the dress.

Alexander and Justin: No. It's cheap, it's too much. It's cheap. It's color clashy. It's cheap. It's got too many ideas. Did I mention that its cheap? Bottom two.

London and ToKen: I love this look. The vinyl pants are so well made and are like silken butter from the future. And the brown jacket and top are perfectly matched with the blue and this is the perfect, London twinged, fashion distillation of raver culture. Not that Domo Kun outfit. They were inexplicably safe.

Team Portlandia: A cheap Disney bathing dress with a crappy crafty vest on top of it. Lost. 

In the confessional spliced in on the way to the back room, Sandro says a telling, damning thing on Lifetime, a network for women: "When a woman listen to a man...it's so cool." I don't even remember Sandro ever wearing that shirt. He wasn't wearing it on Day 1 or Day 2, and not on either of the next episode's days...Which means he was called in to make that comment.  

In the review, Sustainidiot starts laying out the sob story of Megabitch's Mean Girl-ness, knowing that it worked for Helen last week. They fight on the cat walk to the embarrassment of all involved. It doesn't work, and Sustainidiot goes home (after being on the bottom for the past three weeks). 

Stray observations

- Team Redhead didn't get any airtime beyond the critique of Tim Gunn

- Handlebar Moustache Guy is fucking dreamy with his crew top and he can say "kitten with a whip" and day of the week. *drool*

- Sandro, wearing some fucking overalls and country shirt shit thing that's kind of hipster and totally gay united aesthetic. And, to make Sandro into the Russian equivalent of Big Gay Josh, he has his shirt unbuttoned far enough to flash his a nipple.

- Token is wearing a red turban?

- Even back stage, Megabitch says that her attitudes made her feel like shit and pushes that Timothy's non-acceptance of her non-apology was making her feel like shit. 

- Don't touch the unicorn after Sustainidiot took it home. It may not be...um...clean.

- Since this post was done well after the Downfall of Sandro story arc was completed, I can comment on the warning signs that the editors put in this episode.  There is the rage against Zac Posen in front of Tim Gunn.  There is Helen already getting in Sandro's face saying "You've already started enough today" (even though, Sandro was trying to cool off Megabitch).  There is ToKen coming to Sandro's defense saying that he's probably a big ol' softy underneath trying to scare everybody with his big tough exterior.  It's all really foreboding, and the editors this year seem to be on top of their game.