Project Runway: S15 E4 "Sink or Swim"

I hope no one minds if I start with the most important aspect of this week's episode first. I know I should build up to this, but I've never been one for burying the lead: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWATCH!!!!! Everyone's favorite fabric store pup turned another year older during the filming of this episode. And I think I speak for everyone when I say that if there's any great takeaway from this season of PR, it's that that sweet little fella is still with us. Many happy returns, Swatch!

Now that that's out of the way, I guess we can get back to the more mundane subject of just what PR is doing this season. I've been asking that since the beginning, and I think I'm ready to stop asking. Not because I don't think it's still an appropriate question, though I am wondering if I'm not just overthinking it all a bit, but simply because I don't think there's an answer.

When I was in my first collegiate-level Creative Writing class, my professor told us about a theory about the Grotesque. As she put it, Zombies are scarier than Aliens because zombies are still too close to human for comfort. Aliens and monsters tend to look, act, and think nothing at all like us, so there's a slight level of safety with them. But zombies tend to be just off from center in a way that we find highly disturbing. Anyone of us could become a zombie at anytime, and that hits us where we live. That's what grotesque ultimately means: almost normal, but not quite, and therefore frightening.

That's what I feel about this season of Project Runway. If there were massive changes being made to the format of the show, we could point to them and draw up a reason for their existence. But instead, all the requisite parts of a PR season are still there, they just feel slightly off. Like starting with an unconventional materials challenge, or going four episodes without a team challenge, or bringing in "real women" in the second week only to not use them at all, or having a Heidi as client challenge in the fourth episode, or all of the fashion spread and put into production rewards that have already been doled out. All of these things are typical to a season of Project Runway, but they don't usually all happen in the first four episodes, right? Or am I just misremembering things again?

But the point is, I don't think there's a reason behind any of it. So at this point, I'm giving up on asking. From now on, I guess I'll just talk about the episodes on face value and try to determine if they're good or bad episodes of this show we've all been watching for so many years.

The Challenge

This week, the contestants are charged with getting inspired by some of Heidi's line of swimwear to create a swimsuit and coverup that would fit in with her collection. The winning look, of course, will be produced on Heidi's line. On top of that, they're also designing the textile to use for their garment. So we've got a challenge that combines swimwear with Heidi as the client and create your own textile. Should be a hoot and half. 

One of the more interesting aspects of the textile design section of the episode is just how little product placement there was. They seem to be using advanced tech to do the drawing, but there wasn't the typical waxing poetic about the HP whatever the hell. 

Per usual, some of the designs are good and highly personal, others seem a bit more basic. Sarah's girl laying down on a beach blanket is a bad idea from the start, but she seems so excited. Alex's using the design of his tattoo is really personal and unique. It's almost got the same feeling as Mondo's poz sign dress from the same kind of challenge. 

Heidi's visit is as colorful as always. As is typical of a Heidi as client workroom visit, she does most of the talking while Tim just kind of lets her. The main takeaways are how shocked I am that Cornelius seemed to be planning on leaving his bottoms as high waisted as they are on the model form. I mean come on, anyone can see that that's a bad plan. Also, Heidi hates everything about Jenni's entire look. She goes so far as to try on the bathing suit bottoms and walk around with a look of serious disappointment. Jenni's big idea for this? Keep everything the same! Always a brilliant course of action. 

Allow me to say that I love these challenges. Much like menswear, asking the designers to create swimwear or even lingerie showcases just how difficult that sort of thing is. There's so little fabric, outwardly it seems like there's so little actual design to the whole thing, and yet they give the contestants so much trouble. Cornelius and Tasha in particular are struggling with the entire concept behind designing and creating swimwear. My continued crush on Tasha means I'm more than a little worried for her in this one. 

The Runway

Rik: Yes to this! One piece!!!!! This would fly off the rack like it’s no one’s business. I don’t feel any kind of way about the coverup, but I will say that I like how quickly and easily it comes off. And the back! This is super sexy, and the textile is great. This works!

Erin: Her coverup doesn’t come off? Is that good or bad? The front of that top is very very open. Which also I can’t tell if it’s good or bad. At least it looks purposeful and not like poor fit issues. All in all, I guess it’s ok. But I question how well it suits the challenge.

Cornelius: This is hideous. I don’t think his print is as much of a problem as it could be, but the high waist on those bottoms isn’t being hidden enough by that coverup to get away with. The coverup itself is basic and simple. And the straps on that top are glaring and out of place. 

Nathalia: Getting rid of the framing around the print was the right way to go. This looks a lot more mature and sophisticated. I think the textile is too busy and it hurts my head a bit. It feels like a magic eye, and that’s a bit much, but she’s not wrong about how it blends from far off, so there’s that. 

Brik: Ok, I’m going to try and not let my general hatred of him get in the way of this reaction. I think there’s some odd bunching fit issues with the bottoms in the front. It’s the opposite of camel toe, take that how you will. Other than that, I actually do like the bathing suit. I don’t love the cut of the top, but it’s not horrible either. And the textile works because of its simplicity. The coverup is fucking horrible though. We’ve seen a lot of pattern mixing on this show over the years, and when it works it’s great, but when it’s horrible, like here, then you kind of want to kill the whole thing with fire. I like this more than I have anything else he’s done thus far, but it’s still just a step or two in the wrong direction. 

Jenni: The edit to the bottoms makes this work a lot more than it did in the workroom. The strings on the sides call to the cut of the top, and there’s something smart about that. I don’t love the coverup. It’s original, which I want to give her credit for, but there’s something about it that just feels off. And the unclasping of it to just reveal her vag is…odd I think.

Laurence: I like the cut of the back. It adds a bit of sexiness to a look that’s everything but sexy. The textile is boring, sadly, and the suit is ultimately unflattering. I wish we could have seen her take the coverup off, because I’m curious about how that happened. 

Alex: I would have loved to see the back without the coverup. I like this a lot. I certainly think getting rid of the big blue blocks on the side was the way to go. I’m curious to hear what others think of the coverup. I can see how it could read as matronly, but I actually really like it, and it’s certainly nowhere near as old as Sarah was making it sound. 

Tasha: Well, no wardrobe malfunction, so that’s good. I think there’s something very easily commercial about this. It’s simple and ill-fitting on her model, but I could easily see someone wearing it. But I also don’t buy women’s bikinis, so maybe I’m insane? The coverup, sadly, is too simple and under-designed. For someone who’s never made a bikini before, I’m more impressed than I expected to be, but I do love her so take all this with a grain of salt.

Mah-Jing: The coverup isn’t denim, right? It looks too light and flowy for it to be. I like this more than I expected. I do not like the cut of the bottoms. Something about them look matronly to me. But the top is sexy, and it all works together. Nice rebound from the last challenge. 

Dexter: Dexter’s problem in the workroom was how dedicated to that snake eye he was. The success here is that he ditched it and went with a more basic snakeskin inspired print. So this came together nicely. Everything except that weird black bar across the bottoms. What the fuck is that?

Sarah: That textile is hideous and should be burned. And that coverup is easily the worse so far. With that being said, I do like the cut of the top. That little cut out right at the cleavage is smart and sexy. 

Roberi: Does she have camel toe issues? There’s something worrisome about that part of the garment. But everything else I really love. It’s vibrant and colorful, the coverup works well with the rest of it, and the cut of that swimsuit feels fresh and new in so many ways. I like it a lot. 

Judgement

First off, who the hell is Lucky Blue Smith, why have I never heard of him before, and who do I talk to about getting him in my bed? Don't get me wrong, he's way prettier than I tend to like my men, but there's certainly something about him all the same. Those eyes, those lips, that soft spoken come hither voice, that man was doing it for me in this episode!

In any event, Rik, Roberi, and Alex are in the top, and Sarah, Tasha, and Jenni are in the bottom. 

The striking cut of Roberi's swimsuit and the way the coverup goes so well with it are the selling points here. Lucky likes the coverup more than he does the swim suit, and he's just so smart and classy and handsome that you can't help but to agree with him, right? No but really, I love the coverup, but it's really the cut of the swimsuit that I found the most striking. Nina points out later that the feathers would actually look just as good on a white fabric as they do on the black, and I think she's spot on. 

Alex's look seems to be Nina's favorite as she says she'd buy the whole thing and wear the coverup everywhere she could. No one says it's matronly, but I find myself wondering if Nina wanting to wear your outfit is a good thing or not. 

Rik is the real success story here. Going from the bottom in the last challenge all the way to the top here is really impressive. And everything on his look just works. From the pattern to the cut of it, to the genius and simple coverup. Lucky points out that it can be worn on the beach and then into a shop next to the beach without someone feeling like they're just wearing a bathing suit, and I think he's spot on about that. It's great work all around. 

As for the ladies, Jenni starts out by saying that she knows how Heidi feels about her look, and Heidi says she wants to hear what everyone else thinks. Turns out they all agree with Heidi. Which again leaves us wondering why she didn't change the damn thing. Admittedly, I thought the changes to the bikini bottoms were an improvement, but apparently I'm alone in that assessment. Zac has the most hatred for the look calling it granny stripper and sporty on top, slutty on bottom among other things. 

They point out how under-designed Tasha's look is and how much the coverup detracts from the two-piece and the textile itself. But that's not to say that they liked the textile to begin with, Heidi just thinks she should have fully committed to it and went all out. Which I can't disagree with. 

But from the start, it seems clear that Sarah is the weakest link here. This won't come as a surprise to some of our commenters who have been pointing out Sarah's shortcomings all season so far. And the most apt term for her looks thus far this season has been boring, but here she produces something that's downright ugly. Zac says the bottoms look like a boy's underwear, and Heidi is the only person to rightfully slam that horrible coverup. She started off the episode talking about how she didn't want to be safe anymore; I guess the point here is be careful what you wish for. 

Rik wins, Sarah goes home, and I don't think there's really any complaint to be had over this. Next week is the first group challenge of the year. I'm curious to see what this brings. 

Loose Threads

--Brik is still with us. At least this week he didn't actually have the ugliest thing on the runway so there's that. He did, however, like Sarah's look, which I think tells us everything we already knew about his judgement and taste level. He also had that "My name's Brik. I like Bricks" moment which I wish I could unhear. Something about it came off as very "I'm Groot" to me. 

--Anyone else noticing, and equally sick of, Mah-Jing's "I'm so straight. Look at how straight I am. Oh lady's bodies!!!!" routine?

--Tim in shorts....I got nothing. 

--Along with the continual conversation about Jenni's laugh, I think we should start talking about Alex's speech patterns. He's a sweet guy, and I like him, but he's only 30, and yet he talks and looks like he's much much older. When he speaks, I nearly fall asleep.

--Anyone have any thoughts about the fact that the three top looks were from men while the three bottom looks were from women? It's probably a little sexist to think so, but wouldn't you assume the ladies would have been better suited to making flattering swimwear for a woman's body than the collection of gay men on the show? 

--After some quick googling, I find out that Lucky Blue Smith is a model. He was scouted as young as 10 and was modeling by the time he was 12. Currently, he's 18 which makes me feel all kinds of creepy and cradle-robby, but only slightly so since he's still legal. Either way, he was easy on the eyes, but I also found him honest in his critiques. He may not have been the most insightful, but he also didn't play with kid's gloves which I always appreciate in a guest judge. I've talked about him too much haven't I? It's a bit creepy isn't it? I'll stop. 

--I do want to point out one more thing before I go, I'm very happy with the abundance of one-pieces on the runway. The one-piece is making a massive comeback lately, and seeing it on PR with the acknowledgment that it can be elegant and sexy was a great touch. Sorry, but I live in Florida and am at the beach or the pool every weekend, and I've been seeing one-pieces everywhere, so if it had been nothing but bikinis, I would have been pissed. 

Project Runway: S14 E6 "Lace to the Finish"

I'm officially of the opinion that Project Runway might be in crisis. Or maybe on it's last legs? Or maybe just in the midst of trying to reinvent itself a bit. Some of the changes work and have injected a bit of life into the long running series. Other changes have felt more like someone's been pushed from a plane and is trying to flap their arms in an attempt to stave off the inevitable: it won't help, but with the end only seconds away, it can't hurt either. It was mentioned in the comments on the last episode that some of what we're seeing could be due to budget concerns for the show, and the more I think about it, the more I think that that's the case. or at the very least it's one of those things where once you see it you can't unsee it, and now everything that happens on the show gets brought back around to that central issue.

Take this week for example. The challenge is the Heidi As Client staple for the show, but instead of making a nice Red Carpet look for her, or something sleek and elegant, the designers are asked to design underwear for her lingerie collection. At this point, let me pause and ask something that I wasn't sure about while watching the episode: is this the first Lingerie challenge we've had on the show? It's certainly the first I remember, but that isn't saying much as my memory is notoriously faulty. First time or not, the challenge in and of itself doesn't speak of budgetary concerns, but then the designers head back to the workroom and find that they've been provided with bras and fabric and basically they're just supposed to sew fabric over the provided bras (if that's how they want to do it) and add their own touch.

I've mentioned the dearth of Mood trips this season already, but this is a bit ridiculous. Not only do they not go to Mood, they're only given this scant amount of fabric to work with? This feels very much like the show is scraping the bottom of the barrel to get as much mileage out of its last few bucks as possible. If this season ends with the last five or six contestants going to Mood left and right with huge amounts of money to spend, I think the writing will be on the wall; they didn't have enough money to send everyone to the store each week like usual, so they waited until the end to send a few people with the money they had on hand for the occasion. But I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

The rest of the episode feels off. Or was it just me? It was oddly stock but also just a bit weird feeling. The show and the producers more so than the designers feel like they're just going through the motions of what's expected of them. I got the impression that the producers expected that asking everyone to design a bra and panties set would be just the juiciest and most dramatic thing ever, and then were let down by the footage they'd amassed and just threw something together at the last minute. Partially, this is because the designers are adults, and so designing underwear shouldn't be some big dramatic and crazy thing for them to do.

Or, they're all adults except for Blake I should say. Blake carries the brunt of the episode, which was an odd choice, I thought, until I reached the end of the episode and saw why. In the wake of what happened with Ashley and the mean girls last week, you'd think that would be the current that could carry this episode through. It couldn't have been setup better if it had been scripted: Plus sized girl is more-or-less bullied and abused by the skinny girls on her team one week, and then is asked to come back and design some sexy lingerie for some skinny model the next week. Two weeks in a row where some of her insecurities and traumas are just laid bare for all the world to see, and all she has to do is rise above it, create something spectacular, and get a win and all the validation that comes with it. It's honestly the outline for an after school special as is. But aside from a brief mention of the discomfort in the house that morning, nothing more is said about Ashley and she's only on the outskirts of the episode at best.

Instead, we focus most of our time on Blake and his comical (read childish) lack of understanding about basic female anatomy. Let me say, in the interest of full disclosure, that I, like Blake, have never come face to face with a vagina either. Out and proud gay man here and I've never had sex with a woman. Which is good because I don't think I'd be all that good at it, and it'd just be a waste of both our times; ladies you deserve so much better. But, unlike Blake, I know women in real life, I've even taken basic human biology classes a time or two, so I certainly know what a vagina looks like, where it sits on the body, and if need be I'm sure I could at least know how wide to make a piece of fabric in order to cover it. So what the fuck is this kid's problem? Once again his ignorance, whether feigned or honest, is met with derision from Laurie at least, and from some of the other contestants as well. But I can't help but to wonder if this isn't the first time he's been faced with such a reaction. It's not that he's as surprised by it as he seemed to be the first time around, but he's so unaware that it's baffling. Either way, by the end of the show he's made it painfully clear that he doesn't understand how boobs or vaginas work, and the rest of us are left thinking "But you want to design clothes for women?"

Heidi and Tim's visit brought to light two other things I hated about the episode: Tim reverts back to his useless self from earlier in the season as if the only way to impress the pretty girl on his arm is to be as ruthless and useless as possible. And so much of the rhetoric of the episode makes me uncomfortable. I'm not a prude, far from it really, but there's something about the talk of this episode that had my skin crawling. It wasn't until Jake's model fitting that I realized what it was.

Jake has a moment towards the end of the day with some of the other designers about how his model didn't want to be in a thong on the runway, so he had to change his design to have a fully covered bottom. And my initial and immediate reaction was "Oh suck it up, lady, this is your job and you have no choice but to do it!" and then in the second after that thought hit me, every bit of my feminism slapped me in the face and made me feel like shit. The problem is that the job of "model" is already about as problematic as it can be, and now here we are actually having these women who are praised only for their bodies in the first place parading on national TV and in front of everyone in as little clothing as possible. It's a job the model chose, that's for sure, but no one should be made to feel uncomfortable at their place of work, and this is one episode that really toys with that. It's one thing for a model in a full on dress to stand in front of the judges while Zac paws at them and insults every aspect of the dress. Then it's easy to divorce yourself from the comments which are clearly only about the clothes which you didn't even chose to wear. But when you're in as little clothing as these models have to wear this time, is it as easy to divorce yourself from those comments? My point being this: this episode had a way of taking something about the show that's always been a problem (these girls wearing the clothes are nothing more than coat hangers) and made it into something that I couldn't just ignore or gloss over. I guess that's all I'll say about that, either way it left a bad taste in my mouth out of what was otherwise a standard if not good episode.

It's also interesting to see how confident Merline and Ashley are in this challenge even as they put together looks that left me a bit uncertain on the model form. There's really no telling who will be confident in their abilities week after week on any given assignment, but it's refreshing when someone feels as though they've got something in hand and then turn out a look that proves they were right all along. For more on that, let's go to the runway. Bella Thorne was the guest judge this week and when I heard that and saw her on screen I decided immediately that I disliked her and didn't want to hear what she had to say, but then she gave critiques and she was intelligent and thoughtful and knew what she was talking about, so I felt a little bad.

The Runway:

Swapnil: There's an interesting kind of superhero vibe to this look that I like. There are two strips of the nude fabric on the back of the coverup that I hate and think look thrown on at the last minute, but other than that I like it. I also think the fit looks a little wonky in places, but I could just be crazy. There's movement, and flow, and it all feels like the kind of thing your wife would turn the corner in and your jaw would drop, so I'm impressed while not thinking it's the best thing we've seen of him thus far.

Ashley: This I love. If I have a complaint, and I promise you it's a small one at best, it's that I think the coverup could have been done a bit better or given a bit more thought. But I love the bra and panties set. They look extremely well thought out in a runway show that had a lot of things looking thrown together last minute. The set is well constructed, and a beautiful color, and fit perfectly. I love everything about this.

Jake: The fit is all off, I fully understand that and don't want to excuse it, but this is another of the better looks I think I've seen from Jake thus far. I like that he went with the polka dots and the lace accents look great, and there's a youthfullness to the look without it being juvenile no matter what Heidi says to the contrary. The coverup is a tragically sad afterthought, but so many of them are that I can't help but to wonder if that's a flaw on the part of the designer or on the part of the challenge itself. It's not that I think the whole look is good, just that I think it's good for Jake, so I'm grading on a curve, but still.

Edmond: I like everything about this except that horizontal line across her vagina. Honestly, can someone who wears panties explain to me if that serves some kind of a purpose? Because I find it horribly distracting and it makes me hate the rest of the look.

Lindsey: Hate it. Hate the styling, and the color, and the...fuck it, I hate it all.

Candice: My very favorite thing about this look is that the minute it stepped out, I knew it was Candice's! Not because I'd seen what she was doing on the dress form or anything like that, it just screamed her. And I mean that in the very best way possible. I think it's sexy and tasteful, and while I don't think it has the universal appeal of something like Ashley's look, I still think a lot of women would like to wear it. I love this!

Joseph: Get the fuck out of my face with that bullshit! Ok, I'll give him one small scrap of praise for this horror show: Heidi said it was matronly in the workroom and he changed it appropriately. Much like Edmond, he got a bad critique and responded by turning out something worthy of being safe at least. but holy hell do I hate this. It's boring!

Merline: I think I like this, but I also think that I want to like it more than I actually do like it, so it's a weird thing. Her model is about as flat chested as they come, and there's nothing at all wrong with that, but it makes this look like more of a lacey tube top than sexy lingerie. But I don't want to place the blame for that on Merline. Simultaneously, I don't think a bustier woman could really pull that off, someone please correct me if I'm wrong. Other than that, I think it's well thought out, well constructed, and easily marketable.

Blake: Oh dear God. Really, dude? Really?

Laurie: While I probably know more about a woman's body than Blake does, this is where I might have to show my ignorance of women's under things because I love this look. High in the front or not, I think these are adorable. I love that bra like it's nobody's business, and I think it's a technique that more bar manufacturers should probably start using, I think the color is beautiful, and I think it's all pretty sexy. I also like how the panties are more modest in the front but open in the back; it felt purposeful and I respect that. I also like her coverup more than most of them, so yeah. I like this.

Kelly: This is my favorite look of the night though, and someone smarter than me about these things is going to have to tell me why this look isn't in the top! The color, the construction, the fit, and that coverup, my God that coverup! I will say that I think the panties are a bit simple and probably not as taxing as they could have been, but the rest of it looks great. And I think it would go well on the website. This is the best look on the night hands down.

And so Swapnil, Ashley, and Merline find themselves on top while Blake, Jake, and Laurie find themselves on bottom. Switch Swapnil with Kelly and Laurie with Joseph or Lindsey and I think they'd have gotten it perfectly right. But that's just me.

Nina mentions that Swapnil's look verges on costume-y and confirmed my superhero observations. They all had mostly great things to say about Merline and Ashley though and it's clearly between them. The judges also point out that without an underwire to the top on Merline's look, there's no way a bigger busted woman would be able to wear it. So my assumptions on that front were also right, but it left me wondering about how big would be too big for that top? If a woman had a solid B cup, would she be able to fit it? If she could, would it be at all comfortable? Obviously, anyone up around a D or bigger wouldn't have any hope at all, but where would you say the cut off is? I expect the ladies to sound off in the comments about this. Either way, the universality of Ashley's look coupled with how great of a story it would be to have her win here after being thrown under the bus last challenge left me thinking she'd take this one and get her third win.

Over on the other side of the aisle, it's really between Blake and Jake for who goes home. Jake's look is called boring, though the judges like the scalloped lace on the bra, while Blake's look is just bad all over. He tries to pull his cutesy "But I'm just an idiot, and I don't know nothin' bout no boobies" routine for the judges and Zac quickly shuts him down saying if he has any real desire to be a designer he needs to learn to design for real women, and real women wear bras. It was a wonderful moment that I enjoyed rewinding and watching over and over again the same way I did on Game of Thrones whenever Joffery got slapped. And so it's the age old question: do you get rid of bad or do you get rid of boring? Zac suggests getting rid of both and they tease the fabled double elimination; which at this point would be a blessing as they can really start thinning the herd a bit and it'd all be for the better. I'm of the opinion that we'll never see anything truly great from Jake, Joseph, or Lindsey, and while Kelly and Candice have nice styles and the ability to turn out something great here and there, neither of them seem strong enough to actually win the whole thing. So killing multiple birds with one episode would be a blessing really.

In the end, however, I was shocked on both counts. Merline wins and Blake goes home. Blake's got an undeserved win under his belt already while Jake's been lucky to be safe most weeks so I thought for sure he'd be going home. Meanwhile, Merline's look could clearly only be worn by a small subset of women. If the looks weren't going to be produced and sold, this outcome wouldn't bother me so much. Merline's look is certainly nice, and a win wouldn't be surprising. But Ashley's look is both beautiful and sellable to a wide range of women. How does that look not win? It reminds me of the challenge Blake won as well: not because I think Merline is equally as underserving, but because it feels like the judges didn't take the reward for winning into consideration when they decided on a winner. It's the same as some of the designers not finishing a coverup for their looks: you have to take then entire thing into consideration before making a decision.

Loose Threads:

--Can someone please check and let me know how many consecutive weeks Swapnil's been in the top without winning? This is getting a bit absurd. I feel like we need one of those work place "this many days without an accident" signs.

--The sleepover thing in this episode is what I was referring to with my pushed out of a plane analogy. It wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't necessary.

--Did anyone else think that Lindsey getting stabbed with her scissors was karmic in some way for being such an asshole last episode? I don't even believe in karma and that's what I thought.

--I think everyone knows by now that I never watch the hair and makeup sessions, but this time I had the show on while I was at work at my desk (because for some reason I 100% forgot it was on last night) and I couldn't skip it the way I normally do with a trip to the bathroom or something, but anyway; holy fucking shit, how hot is the hair guy? How long has he been on the show? What's his name? And how much would it cost me to run my fingers through his awesome beard?

--I almost set out to write this review as a kind of redemption tale for Blake. He was pretty sweet last episode, and I enjoyed his "I don't wear underwear" line in spite of myself. But after multiple instances of his not knowing anything about the female body and making up words for vagina, I decided I was right to hate him all along.

--Ashley's moment of "Hold on, let me go try these on" when talking about Blake's panties though was HILARIOUS! I love that girl so much!

--When do we get the equivalent of this challenge but in men's wear?

--We're slowly getting down to the wire on this season, so where does everyone stand on the top 4? My guess right now is Ashley, Swapnil, Edmond, and Laurie in no particular order.

--And I'm thinking Laurie, Ashley, or Kelly might be candidates for a Tim Gunn save at some point. Ashley has that bad habit of being up one week and down the next, and it wouldn't surprise me if she got down so far one week that the judges sent her home. Laurie, on the other hand, has been sending down consistently good, but not good enough stuff and she could also be sent home on a whim. (Or does Laurie have a win that I'm not remembering and don't feel like looking up?) And though I said Kelly isn't strong enough to win, I'm thinking much the same about her that I do Laurie, and it wouldn't surprise me to find out that Tim believes in her more than the judges do at some point.

Project Runway S13 E5: "The Klum of Doom"

Hey there's Runaways, how was everyone's week? Do anything interesting? Is anyone else trying their best to avoid news about Ferguson because they find it so horribly depressing and a sure sign that we're in the end of days? I mean, things are rough right? Is anyone else wondering how long I can go without talking about the actual episode of Project Runway from this week? Because I'm guessing quite some time.... quit....awhile....indeed.....

Alright, I got nothing. Welcome to that PR staple: the Heidi Klum as client episode. This week, the designers are asked to design a look for Heidi to wear on the Red Carpet for the upcoming Emmy's. In one day! Winning look gets worn; when Heidi gets asked who she's wearing, that designer gets name dropped, blah blah blah. While the designers fret about how one goes about designing a Red Carpet look for the Goddess that is Klum, I sit back and wonder how does one go about writing a review for a show he's pretty much only hate watching at this point. I mean, admittedly, this season hasn't been as bad as this last season of True Blood, at least I haven't felt the need to develop a drinking game around PR in order to get through episodes (which I totally did for True Blood and it's glorious, you should play for the finale). But at this point I'm not sure exactly what's sustaining me on watching anymore. Are we only tuning in each week because we always have and don't know how to stop? And while we're at it, what really is the meaning of life?

Anyways, everyone goes to Mood, they buy fabric, and everyone debates what's needed for a Red Carpet look. Color? Fabric choice? What color would look good on Heidi's skin? The last one I find to be really interesting as I didn't realize Heidi had a skin tone that was so wonderfully unique that she had to match it with a specific color to really make her pop. Sorry to get on my POC high horse on this one, but Heidi's just another white girl super model, the colors that look good on her are all the colors that would normally look good on the Red Carpet. She could probably even pull off a boring Taupe color.

To be honest, the real problem I have here is just that the beginning of this episode felt so boring to me. It's nothing new or innovative on the part of the show. As I've said, we've seen this challenge a hundred times by now. Every time it comes up, the contestants talk about the same thing: How to make Heidi happy without losing my own aesthetic. There's only so many different ways to have the same conversation before we are left realizing it's just the same damn conversation. And there's something off about the pacing of those opening moments of the episode. Or is it just me? It just feels like there's no sense of urgency, there's no passion or drive. And I was just bored.

And then Heidi came in. This felt a lot like a "Let there be light!" moment for the episode, because Heidi hates EVERYTHING in sight. And with good reason: it's all so horrible. Ok admittedly, Kini and Sean are on the right track, but Kini's got construction issues that need to be reworked, and Sean's got vision but nothing definitive has been executed yet, so we're all kind of just taking it on faith that he'll pull it out. Luckily for him, he trusts his vision and doesn't allow Heidi's pointed "You know you've been on the bottom a lot now" statement to sway him.

But everyone else? Holy shit! Heidi and Fade talk smack about Korina's look in German, and it's the giddiest moment of my life. Heidi ends that exchange by telling Korina not to cry as if she takes anyone crying in her presence to be a great offense. And I'm left wondering if this is how she raises her kids. Because that's just priceless. Sadly, on this front I agree with her about Korina not crying. As much as I understand that I'm alone in liking Korina's Mean Girls vibe this season (I mean really, her snide "Not making what you're making" comments in the workroom make me so happy), I think that her crying in this moment isn't really the way for her to gain any sympathy from viewers who already hate her. It doesn't feel like a kind of crying that would go a long way towards conveying some heretofore unseen depth of personality, right? So she should stop.

I really do want to just keep talking about all the bad designs out there for this one. I mean I haven't even mentioned Sandy and Kristine's looks yet, but I feel like we should keep going. Having seen nothing that she'd even remotely consider wearing on a Red Carpet, Heidi decides to give everyone $100 and an extra twenty minutes at Mood. No one gets any more time, because one day is still somehow reasonable for a fucking Red Carpet dress, but you can have more fabric and even less time to finish. I mean I don't know how far the workroom is from Mood (someone want to Google that for me? because I also don't know that I care to do the legwork on that one), but I assume that 20 minutes in Mood, plus whatever the travel time is between Mood and the workroom would come out to at least 30 minutes of not working, if not more. So it sounds to me like instead of enhancing their looks, the people going to Mood are actually just shooting themselves in the foot... We'll circle back around to this concept.

The people who choose not to go to Mood aren't allowed to keep their money, but instead have to give it to one of the designers who are going. Is this right? Or was it just suggested that they give their money away? I ask because Sandy seems to be the only person asking for money, and everyone she asks at least seems to give her a very sad and resigned yes. Could they have said no? Could they at least have run to one of the designers and had a Fry moment?

Who knows, either way the result is what it is: Sandy spends over $400 on her return trip Mood. While I think this is a bit ridiculous because I hate her and I want her to die lose every week from now until she finally goes home, I also have to agree with Char's point that you can't really be mad at her for playing the game. Unlike last week's episode, everyone has the same opportunity to go back for more fabric, everyone has the option of getting money from the people staying behind, everyone has the ability to spend more than the $100 they are given for this. So it's at least fair, and Sandy exploiting that option is resourceful.

Everyone comes back to the workroom and I think the theme of the Mood trip was something along the lines of "Heidi complimented this one little thing about my look, so I'm just going to run with it!" Korina, having been insulted in multiple languages over her Hunter's Green, comes back with something she seems to think is Emerald Green. It isn't, but I worry that telling her that might have the same effect as telling a child there is no Santa, so I guess we'll just run with it. Heidi complimented the red in Kristine's look, so she just buys a lot of that and starts a new look. What could possibly go wrong?

The Runway:

Char: It moves beautifully, and I love the color, but something in the construction of the top and the back looks a little messy and unfinished. It looks like she had ½ of an idea and never finished it.

Emily: The look is certainly sexy, but it isn’t Red Carpet. Or at least not Emmy’s Red Carpet. Maybe the Grammy’s? Certainly an after party. But anyone wearing this on the Red Carpet would get ripped a new one.

Mitchell: I don’t like the front, but I don’t hate it either. I think considering the amount of time he had to throw it together, you can’t be too upset. But the back, oh God the back. That was just a serious miss on his part. That should have been much cleaner. I like the weaving detail he attempted, but he didn’t execute it well at all, which is probably because he didn’t have time.

Korina: Again, I don’t want to hate on this because she didn’t have as much time as she needed. I think the biggest problem with it is that I find it to be a boring dress that no one would wear on a Red Carpet. The color is muted and unflattering, the construction issues with the back just are what they are, and the front is boring. The styling is boring as well.

Fade: I love this. I don’t know if it’s Red Carpet, but I love it. I think it might be Red Carpet in the sense of someone really making a statement, but it’s certainly not a “gown.” I think it’s a bit too casual, but I love it. What can I say? I love it!

Alexander: Hm…. Even when we ignore the butt cheek issue (which we probably shouldn’t ignore the butt cheek issue), I’m still not really a fan of this dress. I think the construction is nice, but I don’t think the fabric photographs all that well. And the only interesting thing about the back is the butt cheek issue. Which shouldn’t be the best thing about the back of your dress.

Sandy: It’s beautiful, but I hate her, so I don’t want to talk about how beautiful it is. I don’t want to talk about how expensive it looks (which it should since she spent more money than everyone else), or how perfect the open back is, or how elegant it is, or how Red Carpet ready it is, because I hate her.

Samantha: It’s pretty; it’s more memorable (maybe) than anything she’s put down the runway thus far, but I still don’t like it. I find that black on black looks don’t tend to show up as well on the runway on this show. So the detail she added to the bodice doesn’t show until you see the dress close up, which makes it look like just a basic black dress. It also doesn’t scream elegance or sophistication to me. But it’s not an ugly look by any means.

Kristine: I know the Red Carpet portion of the event takes place in the evening, but that’s no reason for your model to look like a Lady of the Evening. Those are two different things, Kristine. And this dress is just a no!

Kini: Look out everyone, Kini is rocketing to the top of the ranks of this season. The way the sparkle (is that sequins?) perfectly adds that hourglass shape. It accentuates curves in a perfect fashion, the back is breathtaking, I love this look so so so much!

Sean: My sweet handsome Aussie boy. Here’s my one question for you more design savvy people, is there any way this dress could have been made and still function while being strapless? I love the movement, I love the color, I think it’s very fun, but there’s something about the spaghetti straps that makes it look a little cheap to me. I hope he’s in the top this week, because I think he needs a confidence boost, but I’m also starting to think that as much as I love him, he doesn’t have what it takes to win.

Amanda:  Is anyone else kind of bored with Amanda’s aesthetic? I think she saved this look from where it was during Heidi’s visit, but I’m still not impressed. It fits the challenge, although it doesn’t scream Heidi Klum to me, but I don’t find it to be very attention grabbing. 

Sean, Kini, and Amanda (really, guys? really?) in the top 3; Korina, Kristine, and Mitchell in the bottom three. Ok let's get it out of the way quickly because I want to talk about other issues than just the judging as we wrap this up: Sean wins, and Kristine and Mitchell go home. I know most people won't be sad to see Mitchell go, but even if I did like him (and I did) the truth is that his look this week was very not good. I almost wish he'd gone with his more typical and flashy aesthetic which probably would look at home on the Red Carpet is he just classed it up a little. 

The thing I want to talk about here is the extra trip to Mood. You'll notice that the three people in the top refrained from going to Mood, but the three in the bottom all did go back. All of them also had the added "excuse" of not having enough time to really finish their designs. Because you can't make a polished Red Carpet look in five hours. However, then there's Sandy. Who totally made a fully Red Carpet ready look in that same five hours. Granted, she had a lot more money and purchased fabric that was a lot more expensive, but still. So as much as it kills me to say so, Sandy should have been in the top in place of Amanda if for no other reason than to add in the drama of "But Sandy also pulled her look together in five hours and it's good." Not that I'm advocating someone being in the top just to add drama, but let's not pretend like this show is above so doing. 

The other thing I want to point out is that the judging problems of this season kind of continue. I don't think it's as problematic this week since someone other than Amanda or Sandy has won, and also because the winning look is really beautiful and totally something I think Heidi would (and should) wear. But I don't think there's really any doubt that Kini's look is the best of the night. If you do have an argument in favor of Sean over Kini, please share it in the comments. So we do have another week where a clearly more deserving designer doesn't get the win for some reason, but the deserving designer(s) go home. I say all that to say the problems with this season haven't gone away after 5 episodes, and I can't tell if I'm worried about that, or if it's still too soon to really worry. Will the judging finally even out a bit more now that we have our first non-Amanda non-Sandy win? Will there be an actually original challenge at any point this season? Will we ever discover if we're actually alone in the universe? Or, the more difficult question by far, figure out why we're still watching this damn show every week? Tune in next week, Runaways, where none of these questions will be answered. 

Stray Observations:

--In accordance with our semi-ongoing conversation about how the judging for this season might be fully purposeful: Does anyone think things are being staged in a fashion to stop Tim Gunn from using his save? Like maybe so much attention is being paid to who should go home in an effort to not enact the save at all, that less attention is being paid to who really should win? I don't think it's a mean thing, per se, but more like the judges want to constantly feel like they're right and the easiest way to do so is to not place yourself in a position where Gunn will have to contradict you. 

--In Mitchell's confessionals this week, he's wearing some plaid shirt with cutoff sleeves and open buttons at the neck. The entire thing just screams Red Neck. And I have never been more attracted to him in my life!!!! My God, I don't know who that person was, but I would do naughty things to him. 

--Tim Gunn pointedly telling Mitchell the look this week has to be tasteful was hilarious.

--Also hilarious: the looks on the designers faces when they agree to give Sandy their money. Which is why I wouldn't have given it to her. I literally would have stood up and said "Does anyone other than Sandy want my money to go to Mood?" but I'm not a very good person.