Under The Gunn S1 E2: "The Mentor Face Off"

Welcome back to Project Runway's The Voice-inspired spinoff, Under The Gunn. Today, we bring you Part 2 of the 2-part season premiere, with each episode lasting 90 minutes each.

In case you missed the set up for the premiere, here's the set-up for the 2 premiere episodes:

• Under the Gunn is set in LA
• The producers brought together a pool of 15 designers to compete in the premiere episode
• The producers also brought in 3 previous Project Runway stars: Anya, Mondo and Nick Verreos to choose teams of 4 from the 15 designers to mentor over the course of the season
• The 15 designers are divided into 2 groups, of 8 and 7, to create an outfit in 6 hours
• The mentors have to look at the portfolios of the designers to figure out who they like
• The mentors also get to watch the designers work under pressure, and figure out who they click with.
• The mentors also a brief consulting period to interact with the designers
• The designers have a runway show
• The mentors then get to woo the good designers to their team

Which is a lot to pack in in 90 minutes. Add in that we have to do this twice in two weeks, and *whew*. Under the Gunn editors, my hat is totally off to you for these two episodes. The episodes were as close to coherent and interesting as that huge event listing could lead you to. Faithful readers, according to my DVR, we return to 60 minute episodes next week, so I'm not sure what the new format will look like on a day to day schedule.

Where we left off last week, 1 of the 15 designers has gone home, 2 of the remaining 7 have to go home this week. Anya has 3 of her four slots filled, while Nick and Mondo each only have 2.

The design challenge this week: there are big barrels which have bolts of fabric hanging around in the background. The designers have 30 seconds to grab as much fabric as they can and figure out what outfit they are going to make in the 6 hours.  Which is different than last week's everybody gets a bag of the same shitty 4 fabrics.

The designers this week:

• Isabelle Donola, 33, Rio De Janeiro and New York - Ex-professional skateboarder! Crazy, hyperactive, and maybe a bit sloppy
• Asha Daniels, 25, Cincinnati - Younger designer who primarily designed for family members, including prom dresses and big events. She designs for women who kick ass. And, she does things that are future-tech but also artistic.
• Sam Donovan (aka Bitch, Sassy Sustainable Sam, or SSS, or Triple S), 23, Boston - Really young typically catty gay who focuses on sustainable clothing...but might be more intelligent than Sustainidiot
• Rey Ortiz, 32, Fort Worth and Puerto Rico - HOT Puerto Rican turned American who designs for "women who aren't afraid of pants" and "career-oriented sluts" (his words). An overdesigner in his aesthetic.
• Stephanie Ohnmach, 37, Denver - An ex-farm girl who started making clothes as a child to fit in with everybody else. Quiet designer.
• Amy Sim, 53, Portland - Married with cute adult children. Recently graduated from design school after sending her kids to college. Her aesthetic is constantly safe and what rich ladies think people want to wear. They're high end, bubbly, modern and kind of timeless but always safe and ready to wear.
• Nicholas Komor, 26, Atlanta - Cute cubby guy who focuses on over-intellectualized menswear, with a really hot model friend

As I mentioned earlier, this week has a completely different feel than last week. Last week, all designers had 4 really ugly fabrics, including a polka dot and a gold lame. But, this week, all of the designers have a completely different set of fabrics, which they chose on the fly in 30 seconds. So, while they don't have the 30 minutes that we're used to at Mood, at least these fabrics have a semblance of taste and generally kind of fit with what the designers are comfortable with.

While the designers are designing, they are also setting up their archetypes, which I had started to hint at in the examinations of the contestants. Amy is the bubbly elder woman. Rey is flat and mildly negative, with a kind of intensity that almost borders on hot scary, and also has a lack of filter in his word selection. Stephanie is the pixie arty designer. Sam is a bitchy baby gay. Nicholas is a quiet hard worker who may come out of his geeky shell, and may have an emotional arc. Isabelle is the hyperactive time-mismanager. Asha hasn't had much time to shine yet.

All of the above came out in the first 26 minutes of the show. Which, if you've not been watching, gives you an idea of just how hyperactive and overpacked these first two episodes of Under The Gunn actually are. The mentors have already had their consultation as well.

Tim consults the mentors to see how the choices are going. Anya continues her observations, saying "their looks are more varied; pushing the boundaries more." And, really, that's what happens when you give them better fabrics, and different fabrics from each other. The fabrics talk to you and say what they kind of want to be, and so the looks are going to push the boundaries when somebody is going with a flimsy see-through pattern, while another is using a heavy pleather or vinyl.

The difference between these two challenges makes for an interesting philosophy, if you'll indulge me while the designers have their freakout as they're finishing and setting up their characters. The first challenge sets up the designers against each other with the same fabrics. The looks speak to who the designer is, and pits the designers against each other with the same base foundation. But, today's challenge is much more free. It reveals more of what the designer's voice is by the fabrics they chose and how they chose to assemble them, but says less about who they are with regards to the other designers.

The first challenge focuses on ingenuity, while the second focuses on style. The first places everybody with respect to each other, while the second places everybody on their own. And, therein lies the problem I have with the differences between these two episodes. Since, ostensibly, the mentors are making choices based on the same criteria in both episodes. I prefer the second episode, since the first episode has traditionally been a "speak with your voice" episode, and the second is much more of than than the first. What are your guys' takes on this? I think that this discrepency actually has a lot of meat, but I could be stretching.

Anyways, soon enough, it is time for the models to come in, get dressed and made up. And, HOLY HELL, Rey is only wearing a pair of boxer briefs? Well, that's about all there is to his pants on Day 2. Jeez. He's a career-oriented slut.  I like him. And, this is when we have Isabelle getting cut off from her work, since she was sewing past the last minute.

Runway:

• Stephanie - A medium cute indie hipster dress that has lovely little keyhole slits totally look like a homemade pie crust. The silhouette is perfectly acceptable for indie girls, and it has adorable pleats.
• Amy - A cute young summer dress with a great top and a bunch of panels to make up the skirt. It's plainly adorable. It would be a great dress that wouldn't be out of place in the background of a summer party in a movie about the tennis set.
• Triple S - This is a perfect movie costume for a girl who was trying to make a statement about how lazy she looks. There was a quote from something that went "People don't realize how long it takes to look like you don't care how you look." That's this outfit. Its stylishly lumpy and misshapen, and great for fall.
• Isabelle - Space age shiny material, and looks like it could be an outfit from The Next Generation. I'm not wowed by it.
• Rey - Um...wow. Leopard esque leggings, with a boxy, oversized teal double breasted blazer and no shirt, with a chunky gold chain, Jackie O glasses, dual black gauntlets with a silver something or other, and slicked back hair. It's a lot of look. A LOT of look, especially for America. Designers steeped in latin culture love added everything on top of everything. Oscar did it last week in his head-to-toe gold look, and Rey did it this week in this...whatever it is.
• Asha - A weird vinyl art mess. I dunno. I didn't get it. It's really tight in the back, and the front if coming up. I really don't get it. It would be great in a music video.
• Nicholas - A tunic that is just a touch too short. There's nothing more to say about it.

In the end, we have our three teams:

Anya: Shan, Blake, Brady, and Nicholas

Mondo: Michelle, Camila, Triple S, and Asha 

Nick: Oscar, Natalia, Isabelle, and Stephanie

Rey and Amy go home. Which, sad. But, Rey was over designed to the point of wut?, and Amy has a shining future designing for the expensive boutique-going crowd. She just has to open a store, and get to it.

And, this concludes the 2-part, 3-hour total, premiere episode of Under the Gunn. How are you guys doing?

Random Observations:

• Apologies for the overuse of bullet points. It helped me keep this episode straight, as it was really packed.
• "You are...beautiful" = "A lot older than the rest of us"
• "If you send her down assless, you're going straight home." 
• "I want to kill myself. Ah...I would never do that, but I want to kill myself."
• I love the helper who has to physically intervene between Isabelle and her model.

Under the Gunn S1 E1: "Who is under the Gunn?"

Welcome to the first half of the premiere of the new show Under the Gunn, better known as Tim Gunn Wants To Retire, Bitches. This is a two episode premiere episode, and each episode is 90 minutes long, so we're in for a 3 hour premiere.  WHOO!!!

Under the Gunn is an experimental show, kind of. It borrows its format from The Voice in which there are three Project Runway-experienced designers as mentors who get to choose four designers from a pool of 15 potential contestants to figure out who is going to win.

The show seems to be two fold. The first is the usual Project Runway styled challenges, and the second is to find out who will work best as a mentor and fit the format of Project Runway, which Heidi Klum will probably maintain as hostess.  Or, they're going to be the next mentor on Project Runway All-Stars. Of course that's pure speculation on my part, as the mentor position is not part of the prize package.

Because we're borrowing from The Voice, we get 2 premiere episodes. One this week, and one next week. They both are 90 minutes long, the new length of Project Runway classic edition. I don't know if the later episodes are going to remain 90 minutes, or if we're going to revert to the usual spin-off length of 60 minutes once all this initial choosing stuff is going to be finished. I suspect the whole season is going to be 90 minutes, as I suspect Lifetime had been all "Hey, Where's Project Runway Winter 2014?!" The producers then were like "Tim, help. Heidi is busy because we forgot about that."

The first surprise is that we're no longer in New York. We're in Los Angeles at FIDM, aka Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, where Nick Verreos has been a mentor for 10 years. And, if anybody remembers the dreaded Los Angeles season (aka the first Lifetime season), we're already seeing doom and gloom.

The challenge is for the fifteen designers to be divided into two groups. The first 8 designers are given a bag of 6 shitty fabrics, and have to knock out a dress in 6 hours. Seriously. 6 hours. I guess people need to sleep in in Los Angeles. And the fabrics are a polka dot, a gold lame, lumberjack flannel, black, blue and a whore's pattern. Oh, wait, that's probably Horse pattern. Sorry. That was one of those designers.

Meanwhile, the mentors have to look over the portfolios and through that we get our introduction to the designers. This integrates the portfolio aspects of the usual Project Runway pre-show within the context of the show. Which is interesting in a way because most people don't watch Project Runway episode 0, but it creates a completely schizophrenic episode.

In the first group of designers, we have:
- Blake Smith, 25, Hoboken - Young, cute, and boring. SNOOOOZE.
- Shan Keith Oliver, 33, St Louis - This season's black male designer. Married with kids (wait, what? Not gay?). But, he has a lot of style and edginess in his portfolio.
- Natalia Fedner, 30, West Hollywood - WeHo = fashionable, slightly trampy, fruit fly, and her design aesthetic shows that.
- Brady Lance, 29, Portland - Designs Streetwear, men and women. For some reason I confuse him and Blake because they're both generic gay stereotype #4 stolen from The A-List
- Michelle Uberreste, 29, Burbank - Edgy, future sci-fi inspired designer. A less gender bending Elena.
- Oscar Garcia-Lopez, 40, Coral Gables - Designer from Cuba. Which means, he's going to be steeped in tacky and conservative
- Melissa...I couldn't find any information on her in the show. Spoiler: When you're one of 8 featured designers and you only get a brief consultation, your outlook isn't good.
- Camila Castillo, 47, Caracas Venezuela - Older and future edgy.

In the course of the first episode, the 8 designers are also preyed upon by the 3 mentors when they come in to assess everybody's progress. This won't be the format after episode 2 hopefully, but it is fun when they descend on the designers and the designers have a look of fear.

This first evaluation exposes the best and worst of our mentors. Anya, talking about Camila's style, "Because, we've seen this technique in your portfolio, I would just pay attention to what you haven't shown us." And, "Camila seems to be taking the safe route." Anya says this without a HINT of self-awareness or irony. Especially after seeing Anya's collection of beach wear that looks like every collection of Anya's beach wear ever.

Nick Verreos emphasizes the weirdest words, making it easier to transcribe. "Polkadottedfromheadtotoe. [pause] I...hope...it doesn't end up looking like Mi ckey ... or ... Mi nny." I think he ran out of gasoline by the end of those two sentences.

Mondo is the only one who has a personality that doesn't bug me, but he is still so inexperienced that it shows in his advice.

...

On the flip side, we have designers trying to create personalities to stay on the show longest. Blake is fussy. Camila is contentious. Oscar is Cuban. Natalia is a ball of nervous energy and a source of drama.

...

Everybody is design design design, and then we get to the makeup and hair. Handlebar Moustache Guy got to be in Los Angeles and now has a crew cut. Which, ZOMG. Why weren't you at the Eagle when I was? Drool. But, we have a new hair stylist, who is also hot, but not Handlebar Moustache Guy hot. Especially when HMG almost cuts a bitch because she tells him how she wants her model's hair done. This moment is emphasized by Under the Gunn's new modern Big Block All-Caps Font used outside of the Project Runway-designated subtitle area. "I love you, but we're in the makeup room right now!" Followed by a forced smile saying "can't you see the makeup or read the brand name on the wall in gigantic letters?!" This is my new favorite Project Runway moment.

And, we get to the runway, which is a modern set with a lot of crooked lines, and poppy colors. It looks less like a runway and more like a tv set made to look like a runway. Its intimate and fresh, but it doesn't have the practice class feeling of Project Runway's runway. Plus, the lights on the runway seem to be so that the outfits were backlit when the cameras were filming them. Maybe this will be fixed in the next episode.

Runway:
Michelle - Black and Gold Lame is so tacky. And, this is no exception. It would have looked better in blue. But, it is modern and not a complete disaster, with a really nice silhouette and decent looking, though rather hoary, sleeves.

Brady - A trainwreck using every textile. It's just so so much. It's cute, but all together its just...whoa.

Melissa - Cute and mildly boring all polka dot outfit.

Blake - Adorable and sophisticated little black dress. Elegant but safe (Anya got it right).

Natalia - Given that she had six hours, this dress was headed in some amazing places, but the execution was terrible. I love all of the design elements in the dress, from the braiding technique, to the black and blue collar with a strip to the back. The silhouette is nice too. But, with the time constraints, the lines are crooked, the hem is unfinished and sloppy, the dress is way too short, and its just a gread idea executed poorly.

Shan - Ugly ass bomber jacket with two patterns that don't mix, and a great black cocktail dress that has short sleeves, which I kind of really like in their tiny detail.

Oscar - SO SO MUCH. Tacky, overstyled, and just so over the top.

Camila - The only black and gold dress I like. It uses a great technique, even though Anya is bored by it because she hates Camila. Anya feels like she's trying to become the Nina of the show.  Which is so terrible. Anya isn't talented or observant enough to be the next Nina.

Based on this, the mentors now get to fight over the designers to form their team.

The first episode results:
Team Mondo: Michelle, Camila
Team Anya: Shan, Blake, Brady
Team Nick: Oscar, Natalia
Eliminated: Melissa

In this episode, Tim Gunn, as host, plays a huge role in the show. He's like a mentor of the mentors, and doesn't just appear at the beginning and the end like Heidi does. He's integrated into the show, and almost a little too hands-on. I like seeing him mentor, but let the mentors mentor.

Random Observations:

- Blake and Brady are interchangable. And they're on the same team.

- Nick Verreos, age 46, calls himself Grandpa Nick. He doesn't look 46. He's a hot daddy.

- The next episode is going to be just as schizophrenic, but we'll find out how this plays out in S3

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E11: "Season 3 Reunion Special"

We've made it to the end of Project Runway All-Stars. A season full of mixed outfits, terrible judging (fucking Isaac killed us all), alcohol and a high-concept finale.

But, really, almost all of the drama was low-key and manufactured. ZOMG, Elena's crying again. Oh look, one designer "stole" a look from the designer who was helping him out. Oh look, somebody's getting the silent treatment.

With a lack of high explosive drama, what is the reunion special going to be about? You know, besides Curly Moustache Guy's what-the-fucking-fuck-is-that?? oh-honey-you're-trying-too-hard sweater. Seriously, it's near the tackiest and ugliest thing I think I've seen on this show, including Jeffrey's avant garde outfit. And, this is what you're wearing on TV? No.

There are two other look changes of note. Jeffrey has grown a scruffy hipster beard in order to hide his nicknamesake, his necktat. And, Palu has also buzzed his hair, eliminating his kinship to the beloved Pokemon, Pansear. Palu looks more mature, and is kind of hotter. But I also like the punk look. He always looks like somebody kicked his puppy though.

But, in more actual content notes, the reunion special is everything you expect this season's reunion to have.

• Korto talks about Liberia, and her work there
• The Viktor and Palu silent treatment is exploded to its own segment
• Deborah Harry makes a by-phone cameo to say that she really is going to wear Elena's outfit someday
• Viktor gives his drink dress to Alyssa Milano, who says that she really is going to wear his outfit someday
• Project Runway fellating itself
• Alyssa trying to create drama by asking things like "What was your most liked dress?" "What was your most embarrassing moment?" etc

The one thing of note in the reunion special is that Jeffrey's mediocre outfit for the Bonnie & Clyde miniseries was probably not used, but instead he had to make ANOTHER period dress for the Flowers in the Attic miniseries (hopefully with 500% more incest).

Another point of interest is The Simpsons animating all of the dresses that were designed for their challenge (not just that terrible purple dress). And, based on the animation, I think that Palu's, Seth Aaron's and Korto's dress were the top three dresses, with Korto's being my favorite. I still can't get behind the winning garment. But, I'm also not as over-the-moon with Elena's outfit in cartoon land. 

Anyways, stay tuned for Under the Gunn where I try to figure out what the fuck is going on. I think its like The Voice, maybe. But, I don't watch The Voice. If somebody wants to chime in on Under the Gunn, feel free.

Random Observations:

- Today's lesson: "I'm So Excited" should not be said through clenched teeth.

- Alyssa: "Something has happened to Daniel since we last saw him." Me: "He's pregnant too?! That explains the sweatervest."

- Alyssa's hood-in-the-bedroom comment made the final cut!

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E10: "Are U.N. or Are You Out?"

Hello constant readers. Much thanks to Mediagrrl for her brilliant reviews that were hilarious and incisive as they were honest.

Congratulations! We've survived another season of Project Runway All-Stars. Barely. There have been some tears, namely Elena's. There has been some sweat, like Pansear running around with his mannequin last episode (and it didn't even come to life!). We've shared drinks at the tacky Jay-Z bar that shall not be named for its free advertising. And, so, all that's left is some blood.

Sadly, the finale of Project Runway All-Stars is not going to be a Thunderdome, where three designers enter, but one designer gets out...with special guest judge Tina Turner (Producers, if you're reading, that would have been a great episode, especially with Elena). This week's episode deals with blood in a different manner. Relations.

As Miss Milano walks out to tell u...holy hell what are you wearing?  Remember how she said she loved shoulder pads due to her name dropping Who's The Boss With Judith Light?  Well, now she's wearing a blouse with extra fabric posing as shoulder pads and a mormon collar? With the schoolmarm bun placed on the top of her head? Honey, you over Judith Lighted Judith Light.

Miss Milano tells us that we're actually exploring blood in terms of culture. Since we have a Liberian, an American, and a Ukranian as our three finalists, we're off to the United Nations.  Which makes me wonder what Pansear was. Would he have been met by Japan for his Poke-ness?

Seth Aaron helpfully informs the viewers that United Nations "is for officials from all over the world/ Humanity! Down...the list. That's what this building represents." See also: Hotel.  Thanks Seth.

The United Nations has decided to donate some time to Project Runway All-Stars by allowing one of their meeting rooms to be used for the finale runway. Because, why not? The designers are meant to keep their eye open and use the culture they have and are assigned as their guiding eye towards designing a six-look mini-collection. Seth Aaron has some Spanish in his background, so he gets Spain.

The three designers meet up with their delegates, which Korto likens to "meeting your mom's sister by accident on the street." Which would be your Aunt. Even if she was a "sister by accident," she's still your aunt. Korto meets up with George S.W. Patten, Sr, who holds several decent political positions. Her section was about the Liberian Civil Wars, and it feels like the whole season has been leading to this moment. Like, Korto had it in her contract to make it to the final episode and to spread the word of post-Civil War Liberia.

Seth Aaron meets up with the totally Unf-y Fernando Fernandez-Arias, who is also the director of Office of Human Rights at the Spanish Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Cooperation. And, Fernando is distractingly handsome, which is a good thing because the only thing we learn about Spain is that the land is sometimes Bright Yellow. So deep. I'm going to stare at your Spanish beard some more.  *sigh*

Elena talks about her personal journey from Ukraine to the US with Yegor Pyvovarov, who looks like a junior delegate as he may be 20 years old. Yegor talks about Ukraine Fashion Week, and is trying to get Elena to come to Fashion Week so that she can bring prestige to Ukraine or something.

The TL;DR edition:
Liberia: Civil War aftermath
Spain: Soil = Bright Yellow; handsome bearded delegate
Ukraine: Fashion Week recruitment

Spain isn't even backed up with images of Spain yet. Not even stock images. Liberia at least has pictures of Korto in Liberia. Ukraine has images of Elena growing up. Yeah.

*sigh* Really, Project Runway?  That's as deep as we'll get? *breathe in, breathe out* I know I'm not asking for much, but we're at the fucking U.N. Give us some credit.

The three initial designs:
Elena: Fall/Winter collection (Ukraine is cold) in wool and bright colors of the Ukranian flag with her patented cut out technique dominating the collection
Seth Aaron: Architectural inspiration with Black and white with hints of red...and gold! Very modern very clean.
Korto: Pattern inspired by Liberian prints, with design that is based on the every day people going to the laundry.

Zanna Roberts Rossi comes in, and gives helpful hints like "you're behind" and "make sure your style doesn't change over the next few outfits."  Thanks Zanna. But, she also brings in helpers for the designers: Necktat for Seth Aaron (of course), Pansear with Korto, and Zinger with Elena (of course). You know what I noticed while watching the marathon yesterday? Zanna doesn't even come in to see anybody off. She's no Tim Gunn.

Then we get a twist on Day 3 from Miss Milano in a Blue pleather dress that would probably go really well with her bedroom hoods. They now have to make a dress from scarf material from some guy's discarded scarves (Product Placement!). This causes Elena to have another breakdown. Yeah, yawn.

Anyways, this is the last time we'll be seeing Handlebar Moustache Guy.  Which, ZOMG. Still fucking hot. Excuse me while I drool some more. I still remember his old Black Party picture I found. Unf. HMG, if you read this, call me!

Tonight's special guest judges: Gayle King (aka Oprah's not-girlfriend girlfriend), and Zac Fucking Posen!!!  YAYAYAY!

Runway time!

Elena's Runway: It's like Elena's First Collection. It feels like somebody still developing her voice through the same patterns, silhouettes and materials. She never really developed her style beyond the one thing she wanted to say starting in her first season. It's interesting, but I was kind of hoping for something more.

Seth Aaron: A mini-collection of wow moments. To me, this is like a collection that Pedro Almodovar would be proud of. Sometimes a little kinky. Sometimes a bit retro. Sometimes a bit dark. Sometimes a huge pattern. Kind of stylish. I hate to admit it, but I kind of really like it. I think I'd not see as much Spain in it if I wasn't a Pedro Alomodovar fan.

Korto: Fascinatingly all over the map. Some just didn't work for me, especially the bright yellow patterns which seemed to be chopped up as opposed to a flowing thought process. Maybe she was making a statement on the destruction of Civil War. But, it didn't come across in the other pieces, and there was no flow through the show. She needed more of a throughline. Not Elena-style heavy through-line, but more than just here are some Liberian-inspired outfits.

I said in Episode 1 that this was Korto's competition to lose, and thought this would be engineered for her to win. She was going to be a Fan Favorite Revenge Story. I think they really were going to do that, especially with the Liberian Civil War focus in the beginning. But, her collection was so non-cohesive that they had to give it to Seth Aaron who had made a really good collection.

So, Seth Aaron deservedly won. I didn't think I'd be writing that sentence.

See you for the reunion.

Stray Observations:
- Emilio Sosa made an appearance!

- Miss Milano's final look is as a Ladybug.

- Isaac is off his meds as he had emotional moments with two different collections.

- Will you all be watching Under the Gunn?

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E9 : "Fashion Cents" 

Good people, we now pause, put down our shears, our remotes, our lacy fans, and remember for a moment our fallen comrades. The Project Runway game is a tough'n, and the hardest and most painful part of the course is that last challenge, not getting eliminated before Fashion Week/the Final Collections.

So we fondly remember the two designers that fell at the final hurdle, Kenley Collins, charm school graduate and lone wolf, who couldn't line up a print at the seams, and Joshua McKinley, who interpreted couture as heavy black lace and twee pop-bright flowers. So, so close to a return trip to the final runway, they would soon be joined by another designer that tasted the nectar of Bryant Park/reasonable facsimile, only to have the second sip rudely taken away.

But who would it be? We are left with Seth Aaron, Pansear, Korto and Elena, the only remaining designer who has not made the finals before. Since we are fiercely stomping down memory lane, I'll remind you that Elena landed in 6th place in a season that was deservedly won by her nemesis, the Boris to her Natasha, Dmitry.

But that was then and this is now, and in fashion, I once heard, one day you are in and the next day you are out. I did not, however, hear this from our current host, Alyssa Milano, who prefers to start her runway days off with some light gushing over guest judges, some contractually obligated declarations of Georgina's beauty and telling the safely seated designers to "break a leg".

But all of that for later, as we kick off this episode with the announcement of the challenge, that Pansear confidentially whispers to us that he'd like to win. Alyssa comes out to taunt SA about his lack of challenge wins, wearing a messy co-ed ponytail and a quasi-retro Rosemary Clooney-does-the-walk-of-shame-from-Sinatra's-house all white ensemble, with souvenir shack up-prize man's bowtie slung about her neck.

She tells the designers that since last week they came face-to-face with real customers (referencing the grounded-in-reality bloggers whose makeup-application skills landed them a guest-spot on PR:AS), this week they are going to dip their beringed toes into the pond of ready-to-wear sales. The final four nod and all make the appropriately polite noises of people who have been earning their crust doing just that for a combined 20+ years but are too nice to say anything. They will be designing a sellable, price-controlled look for the NY-produced fashion house Milly, with the proceeds from the sales going to "Save the Garment District".

The producers have done this challenge for each of the PR:AS seasons and I think it is my favorite. Instead of flights of fancy at Mood, we get the strict, real-life limitations of working with certain custom fabrics, design ethos and most-importantly, price points. In this episode we don't get shown quite the amount of detail about things like, for example, exactly how much trim one is allowed to use (okay that's one quarter yard of purple rick-rack at 16.99 per yard... divide by four... carry the two...) but again we see the compromise that comes with having to work within "perimeters", as Korto calls them: to use chosen Milly fabrics, fulfil the brief of "urban tribal, feminine with an edge", keep it under 400 dollars retail, and get it all approved by the Milly president and Phil Mickelson golf buddy, Andrew Oshrin.

Elena and Pansear are told that if they stick to their designs, they will make the price point and are approved. SA is told to use a less expensive zipper, which he is happy about in that it does not compromise his vision, but Korto is called out for choosing matching (clashing) expensive fabrics in a pastel tribal print and wanting to use a lot of it to create her maxi-dress. As she puts it, she has champagne tastes and lemonade pockets. She doesn't mention that she has similar-looking designs featured on her website, with abundant fabric in the skirt, that she retails for 320 dollars (on sale for 260). So, she knows this design could be done, but remains committed to the more expensive tribal chiffon and cuts a few inches off of her look to get signed off from Oshrin.

In the workroom she cuts very carefully, using every inch to squeeze out a racer-back almost-maxi. Elena goes for white leather, white raw-edged mesh, and yellow neon, which she describes as her "favorite color" - neon, that is, not yellow. Note: my favourite color is plaid. Seth Aaron is also using the white mesh, some black and some color to make a sleeveless girly dress, and Pansear goes for a vegan leather, tight black and white dress, with a sarong skirt.

And here's where all of those rules, rules, man! start to pinch. As Korto measures thrice before cutting once and keeps Oshrin's words of wisdom in her head, Pansear starts to go slightly off the reservation, making changes -- he muses on making his dress into separates and using a second zipper. Uncle Seth tries to set our boy straight, pointing out the added costs of additional hardware. Elena concurs, so Pansear starts thinking of tweaking the design. Now before you think that Elena is all commonsense this week, she dispenses advice and then starts a second dress of her own with different, less elephant-eared sleeves. Auntie Korto doesn't like this. Do you know who also changed their design from the pre-approved one? Kenley, and we all know how that turned out. Glinda the Good floats in to check on the designers, with Milly's own Michelle Smith in tow, and they confirm all of this-- stick to what was approved, and all shall be well in the kingdom.

Runway time.

Judges:

Alyssa is happy to tell us that The Beautiful Georgina Chapman® is back, and if we were wondering where she had gone (and our thoughts didn't drift off to the horrific idea of her at home in bed with Harvey Weinstein), we get one of those awkward "added in post production" sales things about her new perfume or something. Isaac is there, of course, and the guest judges:

Winner of all of our hearts, the delighted and delightful head on a stick, Kristin Chenoweth

Actor, host, comedian and rapper, now "with his own line of male accessories", which is appropriate because he himself is one, Nick Cannon.

Worldwide cult-leader owner of a label that has a "world-wide cult following", Michelle Smith.


The Looks:

Seth Aaron - Very graphic with a black and white chevroned top with a neon-coral grosgrain trim down the front and a flared circle skirt in white with black trim. He also customized his model's shoes, making a patterned ankle strap out of fabric. There is a lot going on, and not only is the level of "tribal" debatable, but the judges are split on loving or hating the neon accent, but all in all they like it a lot, I like it a lot and SA gets his first win of the season.

Elena - again, not so tribal, unless you come from a frozen planet of big-shouldered women, ruled by Robert Palmer's soul and lost in a time vortex of the 1980s and 2080s . The judges love her big swirly-sleeved, white leather/mesh/neoprene (if it was there at Milly, she found it) laid over the screaming yellow neon in a way that tones it down to a muted chartreuse. Like SA's look,  there is a zipper running up the front, but Georgina feels Elena's is a little forced and would have preferred a matte white zipper over the silver. This dress is so, so tight that I found myself imagining how little fabric was required to cover the model's torso, but this gets Elena into the finale.

Pansear - A black and white vegan leather (that term inexplicably makes me laugh) hard warrior dress that softens up with a semi-attached tribal-print sarong skirt in silk georgette. As complicated as this is - it counts as one piece. The judges don't like the fact that the top doesn't lie smoothly on the model's chest (it's not meant to), and Georgina just doesn't know "who" Christopher is, but I think this is a brief-fulfilling dress that makes good use of Michelle's print, and I really like it on Christopher's redheaded model.

Korto - She managed to get enough fabric to make it neither maxi nor mini, and it is a striking combo of prints that she has chosen. Mr. MediaGrrl hated the prints both alone and put together. I liked them separately, but felt together (one print belts the other) they started to look busy. The dress doesn't do any favors for the model's front, but looks sharp from the back. Not bad at all, but is this enough to keep Korto in the running?

 

Yes. Yes and no. After SA and Elena are sent off to the greenroom, the deadlocked judges pull out an old-fashioned All Star sew-off. Korto and Pansear are givin three of their previous ensembles to gut and reassemble, in a hour, right there on the runway, while a fidgety SA and Elena unknowingly wait. Korto's new look, her Bonnie and Clyde challenge pants edited into a skirt, paired with a drapey top, seems like a new look, and is stylish. Pansear makes a Frankendress out of his shredded fabric gown, Georgina describes it as "pretty" and the judges pretend to like more than they do.

Doing nothing to improve his usual slightly put-upon demeanor, Pansear is out.

Well guys, Julius should be back for next week, taking you through the big Finale, where once again the PR:All Stars production team tries to make the United Nations relevant to fashion. Come on, people, that hasn't worked since Benetton.

I look forward to your comments!

--Martina

Stray Observations:

- Nick Cannon brings up what I've pointed out before -  want to impress the female judges? Sneak pockets into your design.

- Seth Aaron, can you make this look retail for under 400 AND pay tribute to a fallen comrade at the same time?  SNAP!  "done!" SA is the new VL.

- Is color-blocking "in the seams" different from just color-blocking? Isn't that easier anyway? Someone call Mila and ask.

- Elena wears a LBD tank dress to the runway, and girl has got the body for it.

- In looking up who were the 4th place finishers in the All Star seasons (okay, I did know that by heart but wanted to see who else was involved), I noticed that only five people did better the second time around. Mondo, obviously, and also Austin Scarlett (4th to Runner Up), Michael Costello (an emotional 4th to 3rd), Casanova (10th to 7th) and Ivy Higa (8th to 5th).

- "when I got close, did I see... nipple?" asks Alyssa hopefully.

- Remember the All-Star Challenge? The precursor to PR:AS, it was a two hour, one challenge special that saw a miserable Korto complain about coming in second again, first to LeeAnn Marshall, then to Daniel Vosivic. Next week should be interesting.

-Nick Cannon's favorite part of the dress? "the easy access"

 

 

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E8 : "Nina's Trending" 

In fashion, it's not about following the trends, it is about setting them. This week, our intrepid designers are asked to look into their Swarovski crystal balls and design a garment that will capture what is new and happening next year. As the last challenge resulted in a gown that will be sold next year, we could say that they have already ticked this box (surely we will all be wearing Korto's taupe and orange post-Sochi?)

Now, few people would say that I, MediaGrrl, am a fashion trendsetter, but what do you know, here comes Alyssa wearing a blouse and denim skirt combo I wore to many a Chicago bar in the late 90s, showing all the world not only her tasteful, ladylike side, but also the reason I went home alone most nights.  Alyssa wants to know how this thing we call All Stars compares to their own seasons. If she wanted some behind the scenes dirt or even amusing whining, she gets nothing. The designers mumble something about, well, you know, it not being the first time. its actually easier, so...

Enough! Challenge time! Who better then to be the hand-feeder of the details, and guest judge, but the arbiter of style and questioner of taste levels, Nina Garcia. Yay, Nina's back. Now, judging the final looks is a deadly serious business, but this handing out the assignment - not so much. No need to show up completely sober. Nina seems to have come from a three martini lunch (or, as they say on 30 Rock, she's business drunk), gives Alyssa a big hug (I really love you, Lyssa Merano), and tosses the chunks of challenge meat to the hungry design tigers.

Bloggers - the biggest influence in the fashion industry (note: surely it is tv recap bloggers?), the voice of the people, like Gretchen once proclaimed of herself, a force to be reckoned with, and the convenient satisfier of this year's "real women" challenge. PR:AS has flown in five of the best from all over the  world. Sort of like the A-Team, if everyone was Faceman and BA was not a chronic over-accessorizer. See, in a weird twist, all of them are gorgeous. No lumpy bridesmaid or dumpy mother to tent up this season. Extensions glued in and glottal frys set to "psyched", one aspiring Garcianista will jet off to Belgium with Nina to shoot a video with the winning look. This will not appear in or on Marie Claire, oh no, but on the front page of a fashion blog-blog called Style Hall, an agreement Nina clearly inked after the fourth on-an-empty-stomach cocktail, and let's just say, it is a good thing Joanna Coles isn't around to see this moonlighting. You might remember, Joanna had the power to crush Nina like a little bug, but now she is off supervising astrology-based sex quizzes and staring down interns for the gals at Cosmo.

Pantone is sponsoring this challenge, even putting up the winners at the Pantone hotel (who knew) to publicize the color of the year, 2014, which is.... no, not black, Elena... Radiant Orchid! Write that one down for the next time you shop, Radiant Orchid. What Pottery Barn sage green and my short denim skirts were to the 90s, Radiant Orchid will be to the nows. Or the almost nows.

The designers return to the workroom and select their bloggers. Korto goes with Carli from New Jersey. Christopher gets Fleur from London, the one in England, whom he describes as having an easy, breezy (catches himself dangerously close to Maybelline territory) natural beauty. Seth Aaron takes Gigi from Toronto because he feels she has ADD, like him, and she is lively and stunning and the tallest of the bunch. Elena and Viktor take the interchangeable Dulce from Los Angeles, and Jarmaine, who is also from Los Angeles. Weird - what are the odds that two mermaid-haired brunettes in the greater LA area would have the inclination to create blogs devoted to putting on makeup, showing off makeup and scoring free makeup (JlovesMAC, anyone?) and lure in innocent designers by appearing adorably in the shower and asking sexually charged questions like: "do you remember this vest of mine?"  Yeah you do, Zinger. Yeah you do.

So our remaining five come up (now) with a trend prediction (future) that features a color that Pantone has decided (now) will be the color of the (future).  If you follow.

The Runway:

Zinger forecasts: creating your own textile

In a last minute change of plan, he creates a 50s flirty circle-skirted dress in black Neoprene over the Radial Ochre. To mix it up, he adds a great looking white biker jacket, with a zipper in matching RO. Cute look. Zinger says the jacket is "a staple from the 50s but I feels that in 2014 is not going to changes" .  What does that even mean?  I think... I may have caught what Nina has.

Nina calls him out for being too soon, and Isaac underlines the fact that she is 100% right. Bottom three.

Elena forecasts:  creating your own (heavy) textile

This is styled like a catalog look, one where the bottom or inner garments are completely plain, so they fade into the background and showcase the item for sale. Here we get a nondescript black skirt paired with the featured item, a big, collarless jacket that is appliqued (?) with geometric stripes. I can't make my mind up on the tweedy, beribboned, peplumed  jacket. I know I don't care for it on the model, who is vertically challenged.  Part of me likes the originality of it and the combo of colors, part of me thinks it belongs at a fundraising tea. Here's to the Ladies Who Lunch. (I'll drink to that, Nina.) Elena doesn't quite get the idea that a peplum cuts her tiny blogger in half, but she does rock lipstick in the color of the year, Radon Oprah. 

Seth Aaron forecasts:  color blocked seams in a "British-flag inspired" dress

I almost always like SA's looks, and this is no exception. He also receives props from Nina for the best use of the color, but the dress, while beautiful, flawlessly made and wearable, even for the everyday woman or person without curves, like Gigi, it doesn't have quite the wow SA is capable of.

Korto forecasts:  no color

This is a great look. Crisp clean white, nicely cut vest top with almost a fan-pleated effect, lined in Redundant Orca. We can question the shoes and the clutch (both cool, but perhaps not with this look) but this is the clear winner.

Pansear forecasts: Near-vintage-Paris-soft-military

As with most Christopher creations, his sketch was so much better than the finished product. The color choice takes the original idea from a bright teal green, which popped against the RO, to a faded olive, which simply clashes. The lace overlay looks forced, and his description of "soft military" seems to come from not being able to find the cloth he wanted at Mood. Nina no likey. It does bring us to this odd exchange:

Nina: it looks like seaweed that has come out of the swamp.

Pansear: Thank you.

Nina: That's not a compliment

Pansear: I didn't take it as one.

The judges scramble to find any sort of competition to give us drama for the 1st place prize, but we all know it will be Korto's blogger flying off to Belgium to eat Panetone, use Pantene, stay at the Pantone hotel.

Viktor is sent to pack his fans. All Stars has lost its zing.

Stray Observations:

Alyssa Milano could play the co-lead in of How I Met Your Mother's Sister

In watching the opening credits, I had forgotten Daniel was on the show

Elena  is pissed that everyone is stealing her Neoprene fashion ideas

Alyssa  shows why she was the go-to under 12 actress for Movies of the Week about divorce: "Nina, can you stay for always?"

Christian Soriano is correct: over-design is a tough sell

Korto's girl predicted a victory "in the name of Jesus, Amen." Take that, panel of judges.

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E7 : "As Sewn on TV"

Hello Runaways,

You might know me as MediaGrrl in the comments section, but for the first time, I'm filling in for the wonderful Julius as he is off opening his one man revival show, Christian? Sorry? Oh, no!  I will do my best to keep the Project Runaways mood of serious frivolity going, and I look forward to your comments as well. On to the recap we go!

This week is brought to you by the letters Q, V and C, who are sponsoring The Wall this season. Please use it thoughtfully, or not, as Tim is not here to remind us.

This episode starts with a bang-- no shots of sleepy designers waking up to the site of a grizzled cameraman from IATSE Local 600 hovering over their twin beds this season. Instead we are at a helicopter pad, somewhere adjacent to Manhattan. Alyssa is there to tell the final six that they will be designing something for QVC and they're going to meet the famous Lisa Robertson, program host (for hours of QVC sales are called "programs", not streams of endless pitches of a overly caffeinated auctioneers. It's less wordy.) and "Style Authority," a title that sounds both dubious and menacing.

The designers have yet to put two and two together to understand why they are standing in front of helicopters-- as no one really knows where the Batcave QVC HQ is located, they don't realize they will be crossing state lines to visit Westchester, Pennysylvania. I assume this quiet berg of 18,000, home to Dave Barry and coach Muffet McGraw, has rarely incited squeals on the level of Elena's excitement, nor been host to an off-her-meds Ukrainian neon enthusiast and a crew this motley.  Bubbly Elena and the girls get in and away they go. Irina is pleased!

The men also load in to their helicopter, and as you've seen a million times in dude movies like Black Hawn Down and Blue Thunder, they immediately begin putting makeup on. We also get a fan-flick and a bon mot or two from Zinger, who is acting like his normal hilarious and in-need-of-air self. Please note that. He's just fine and dandy at this stage.

The designers arrive at QVC and enter a cavernous, clean lobby that looks like a smart hotel that would be attached to an airport in the 1970s. They look with wonder at the pale marble and oooh over the flatscreens showing the International versions of QVC. We even get a not-at-all forced soundbite from Seth Aaron, marvelling at the fact that QVC is on in, like, Germany. Way to sell it, crew.

Uh, oh, is that Lee Meriwether descending the staircase from the Delta Sky Lounge? Nope, it is Lisa Robertson, product of the pageant system, winner of the cheekbone lottery and a student of the "chin on the chest shows gravitas" school of media training. She informs us that she is lucky enough to reveal this week's challenge - designing a gown for she herself  to wear at (or near, or around, or close to, or while at home thinking about) the QVC Oscars-related "star-studded gala", where she will be working the red carpet. She mentions this is a live broadcast, so please, no designs that must be touched up in post-production or CGI'd in later. This gown must also look good in photographs, and later we'll see that this is part of the judging, one of those parts that the judges seem to ignore if it doesn't go along with their auf'ing plans.

As I had never heard of the barnacle to the Oscars boat that is the "Star-Studded QVC Live Broadcast", I checked the roster of "A listers" from last year. They had Jennifer Hudson, fair enough, and her personal career cautionary tale, Marisa Tomei, the ubiquitous Lisa Rinna, an always-welcome dash of Jane Seymour and an up and coming model from Germany, one Miss Heidi Klum, if I'm spelling that right. Pretty girl, I assume she was just happy to have been invited.

Lisa Robertson is not just a Style Authority, she is a damn good tour guide, showing off the studios and inviting them to try their hands at on-camera (but not live, thank goodness) program hosting. She forgets to point out her chin technique, as if they'd master that in a day. I must agree with the giddy, hairflipping, nervous Elena, "It's not as easy as it looks". Nope, and that is why we have laboratories that create lisarobertsonbots. The six are then led into Isaac Mizrahi's own studio, which Seth Aaron claims that they all recognize, ya know, from watching it on QVC. Barring a hospital stay, the only person less likely than Seth Aaron to watch QVC is Isaac himself, who pops in to say hello, in a shot that seems like a third take ("that's great, Isaac, can we just do one more shot of you entering, more excitement this time, have fun with it").

The designers sit and sketch, captured by the smooth tracking shots and brighter lighting that give these past few episodes a different, more stylish and less rough reality show feel.

We see Lisa will have a wide variety of looks to choose from:

Pansear is thinking semi-strapless, fitted, a mermaid shape.

Viktor is going form fitting, stylish, flared out at the bottom in a mermaid silhouette.

Irina is taking Isaac's advice to go dramatic and "pull out all of the stops", and so to differentiate herself, designs an almost bridal look, assuming the bride wanted a strapless, fitted, mermaid gown. 

So lots of options for Lisa.

It is then the next day, and we can tell that as everyone has changed clothes:  Elena has reapplied eyeliner over yesterday's, and Viktor has changed into a yellow polo shirt. What - a yellow polo? No costumey corduroy bowtie and kid's birthday hat? How mundane. Is there something wrong with little Zinger? No, he seems fine, but stay tuned, gentle reader! After a trip to Mood, the remaining six have about 11 hours to pull off a gown. "A GOWN", frets Pansear, blocking out the fact that he has done at least three gowns this season. He decides to whip out his fabric feathering technique, which the judges loved during his season.

Irina is also fretting, as she has concerns about completing her complicated design in the allotted time. No one made you put 18 panels into your dress, Irina. Still, she has always been an efficient worker, so surely she can whip up all of those seams, perfectly, then top stitch each, and add boning, and reinforce the skirt, and then applique her dress before deadline? I am tired just typing all of that, but godspeed Irina. She doesn't seem pleased.

And in a constant state of fret-itude is Elena, or Pikachu, as Viktor calls her, who confesses that she is worried that she doesn't "know the techniques for evening wear" (also should be noted, she made a silky smooth red gown last week that looked very evening),and speaks for the audience when she wonders aloud if she will freak out. Is it better or worse, mental heath-wise, if she is aware that she is losing her marbles during challenges?

But Elena will only have a supporting role in today's big story, for, noticing the vaccuum of drama and sensing there is airtime up for grabs, Viktor takes a turn for the sad. Is something wrong with Zinger? Has he lost his... zing? The first and biggest clue that a Big Moment is coming is the postprodution insertion of Lifetime's Emotional Confession Music. The camer a captures a sigh as he cuts fabric. Zinger, with brow delicately furrowed, claims that he has something on his mind, a thing that has been bothering him so much, something that makes him afraid of how other people will treat him, and he needs to talk about it, confess it to the world, because he just "wants to be free".

Oh the drama! Mr. MediaGrrl and I paused the tv-- intrigued. What was it? What was troubling our hero? What had he done? Had he killed a hobo? Worn white after Labor Day?

We would find out along with Zinger's two closest friends, Elena and... Seth Aaron? who knew?, whom he thoughtfully interrupts as they diligently work to finish their complex red carpet gowns. Zinger steers them into the break room, takes a deep breath and -- and Elena, jumping out of her skin, shrieks "what the fuck, dude, tell me what's wrong!"

Mr. MediaGrrl had guessed testicular cancer. I had guessed bankruptcy. Turns out, Viktor is HIV positive. He has known for ages, but only his partner has been told. His family will possibly find out on tv. Dare I say Elena and Seth Aaron look relieved? Editorially, I want to add, what a good place to be in, from a public health standpoint, when HIV positive status, while not great, is not received as a death sentence. I remember the 80s, when not only my crush Mark Harmon's sexy doctor character on St. Elsewhere was dealt that card, and that meant he was a goner, but in the years that followed many people I knew in what we call "real life" were affected. Modern medicine is a wonderful thing. HIV is not, then or now.

So, back to Viktor's big reveal. His friends, mulling over this news, must not have given Zinger the gasp, the snap of the fan, if you will, that he was looking for, so he mewls "I just didn't want you to treat me differently", and looks sad, forcing them to get up and defend their respect and fondness for him with hugs. Elena even offers a backrub. Manipulative little so-and-so. Seriously, I do not get the motivation for the timing of this kind of announcement, especially when we see who is sitting on the judging panel this week.

The mood is immediately lightened by a glistening pink bubble that floats in and bursts to reveal Glinda, the GiggleWitch of the South, aka Zanna Roberts Rassi, here to shut down the design munchkins with a lilt in her voice and a shake of her blonde curls. Today Glinda has forsaken her sparkly gown for a matchy two- piece flowered outfit that wouldn't  look out of place at an English gardening club meeting. She gets right to work dispensing advice, some of it good (Korto's orange ruffles look cheap, Irina's is too bridal) some bad (tells Pansear "keep adding" to his look) and some intriguing (people do not like green). She is not very pleased with what she sees.

Runway Day:

The models march in wearing matching black tanks, as Korto gives us the Freak Out Update. She's freaking out because after viewing her test photos, she sees her orange super-gathered dress is a neon mess, and starts over completely. According to Korto, Christopher's freaking out, Viktor's freaking out, Irina is ice cold, Elena, duh, and Seth Aaron is running around like crazy. She herself, well, girl is "twisted", which I think is the DefCon 5 of freak outs.

Irina should be worried - in putting the dress over her model's head, she experiences the first of quite a few rips of the 18 pieces of delicate fabric she has worked so hard to piece together. Zinger thinks that this may be due to her stiffening the fabric with buckram, a cotton which is used a lot in hat making. He says it can tear easily. Irina is not pleased. Aside from that, and some ass-measurement issues from Pansear and Elena, we are off to the runway.

Judges:

Sitting next to Isaac today in place of The Beautiful Georgina Chapman® is Mondo Guerra. You might remember him from his tearful HIV positive confession during Season 8, the one that seemed organic, real and heartfelt. Also, you might recall that he wore crazy little outfits that included shorts with suspenders, pins and necklaces, a style that that seemed organic, (sur)real and heartfelt. Mondo is his own man. Viktor is not.

When Mondo's name is mentioned by Alyssa, there is a quick cut to Viktor, who looks down. Wild coincidence that Mondo is visiting this week?

Lisa Robertson is there, natch, and the end chair is occupied by the lovely Elisabeth Moss, one of the "greatest acting  talents of her generation", according to the lovely actress Alyssa Milano, who, despite what you think of Charmed,  is not.

Runway:

Pansear:  I love midnight blue and black together, but damn does this dress have a lot going on. Feathered technique on a fabric that has a tiny bit of sparkle, leather trim on the boobs and a full leather shoulder piece, a belt and a poofy tulle train. The ethereal model doesn't sell it so much, and during judging, standing still, the dress makes her boobs look like Good  'n Plentys, but somehow it all comes together.

Zinger:  Who doesn't love olive green? Guest judge Elisabeth Moss, as it happens. I like it on redheads and ashey blondes like Viktor's model, but the color is not the biggest problem here, it's the gores and the ruffles and the fins and the train. This dress is busier than a tornado at a trailer park, a theme carried through by the model's messy styling. It's okay. Not for anyone above a size two, or with Lisa's fantastic figure.

Seth Aaron:  Full disclosure here: much like Emilio Sosa  declared when he designed his own fabric, MediaGrrl  hearts Seth Aaron. From his positive attitude to his cool cartoon-y sketching style, excepting his current eyebrow situation, I just adore him, and I think Alyssa feels the same way. In fact, Seth seemed to give her quite the glance when she walked out tonight. Hmmm.  His sparkling, non strapless, non mermaid gown is one of my favourites, even with the Cadillac fin'd bum.

Korto:  There is a fine line between effortless and lazy, and Korto's is right there. Not sure how my buddy SA got knuckle-rapped for a basic drapey gown last week when Korto's maxidressey simple gown is seen as comfortable and flowy.  The skirt is made of various levels of left-over orange chiffon, and has pockets, which always get the female judges squealing. The top is made of taupe fabric, twisted into a sort of halter. I'm thinking that drab color will not look as nice on the pale skinned QVC host as it does on Korto's darker-skinned model,  and I predict it will be changed when the actual dress is made.

Elena:  She's gone all Patricia and made her own textile, black overlaid onto purplish brocade, cut out to create an effect of scales. It's cool. The judges seem to have more of a problem with the design of the dress than the fabric, pointing out the "dowdy" bateau neckline and some weird seaming in the back. Elena's warming up for her self-predicted meltdown, not thrilled with her dress, saying "I'm just praying that the judges don't execute me for it". That says a lot about design school discipline in the Ukraine.

Irina:  a gown for the perfectly postured, impossibly thin, showin' off the A-cups bride who will be married in a church with no steps and no modesty code. The mermaid skirt maintains its stiffness and does look beautiful, but I found the faux-leather and pearl flower appliques strewn about it a little heavy-handed. The model can't quite make it on and off of the runway without giving us another nice rip.  Of the dress, I mean.

Personalities abound and opinions differ on the runway tonight.

By the time all of the models are brought out for the judging, the seam split has grown to about 6 inches. Irina is not pleased. Isaac is blaming the fabric, Irina is blaming te model, and as she is questioned about this catastrophe, Irina softly snarls, "yeah, she RIPPED it". Her model does not have the mobility to kick her for this.

Seth Aaron announces, without prompting, that "he is back!" which delights Alyssa, annoys Isaac and prompts a flirty "no, you are Schmoopie" back-and-forth with Elisabeth Moss on the merits of sparkle. (Turns out they both like it. Awwww.) Style Authority Lisa Robertson feels the gown is "too close to home" and by home she means where her vagina would be, if such a thing was allowed on QVC. Silly Lisa, lady parts are known around here as "the good china". It is agreed by the judging panel that the widening of one's bottom is not a good thing. SA is in the bottom three.

Isaac says Pansear "had him at navy tulle". I looked it up - thinking the Navy Tulle might be a military event that the two attended, and we were getting our second confession of the episode. Nope, he just loved the train, and Pansear's feathering technique, which, sadly, is also nothing sexual.

Zinger  gets shut down, multiple times, for his choice of color, by a blonder than I've seen her Elisabeth, who actually would look lovely in that shade. Alyssa says she's disappointed, she expects more of Viktor, and why can't he be more like Mondo? (Well, she doesn't go that far.) He is in the bottom three.

Elena's is called a "good dress", making her gasp and smile, but also "dowdy" and unflattering, making her have the sads. She's in the bottom three.

Korto's tangerine/cafe au lait concoction gets mostly positive reviews, "a fresh idea", "very wearable", with lone dissent coming from Lisa, who doubts the glamour factor will outshine Lisa Rinna and some leftovers from The Hills. In fact, for a moment Lisa is leaning towards the drama of Irina's structured gown, but is hip-checked into sanity by Elisabeth and Mondo. As I may have tipped off earlier, Korto is the winner, and Lisa will wear her dress. No way does that taupe stay taupe - we shall see.

But someone has to go home, and it comes down to Elena and Irina. Elena is terrified, and she wells up. Which will it be: a near miss that the designer didn't really sell to the judges, or a beautiful failure that was not completely suited to the occasion? If Elena goes, surely this is the meltdown we've been waiting all episode for...

Nah. Irina goes home, with the "no Heidi kiss kiss" send off seeming colder than usual. Although she says she would have liked to have won, we hear the sigh in her voice, and as she goes and cleans up her space, she makes it clear she doesn't really need this All-Stars business. Irina is not pleased.

I'll be with you again next week, and hope to have the recap up a little sooner.

- Martina

Stray Observations:

Isaac's perfume is called Fabulous. Was Divine taken?

"The bonus puts you in so many homes - it's an amazing prize," says Irina. ask Joan Rivers how much money she has made from QVC. So designers, would you rather be in front of millions of shopping housewives or be the toast of Paris Fashion Week?

Elena has never been on a helicopter. Or, one presumes, in one.

Viktor spreads his fabric on the floor to cut - this has always weirded me out when the designers do this. How clean is that floor?

Irina sure wore a lot more makeup, shorter skirts and higher heels during All-Stars. It brings to mind Althea and SweetPea, who both must have looked at their original seasons and thought they could do a little better in the styling department.

Apparently there was a rumor circulating that Lisa Robertson had died. She is the Abe Vigoda of tv shopping.