Friday, November 15, 2013

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E4: "Keepin' It Classy"

I think we all felt this way by the end of the episode.
Every Project Runway All-Stars host starts to reach a sort of middling stride mid-season. Alyssa Milano is starting to really loosen up compared to when she began. It's almost like the producers were watching the dailies and told her to be more natural, and she finally figured out how. While she still doesn't have the dominating presence that we've come to expect from Frau Klum, Alyssa is starting to loosen up in front of the camera and become an interesting figure. Her faux accent is starting to slip a little. And, her teeth are unclenching. And, she's starting to feel fun.

Which is good because we're bringing back one of the most famous challenges ever, you guys!  Maybe some of you don't remember this challenge, but we're bringing back the unconventional challenge!  ZOMG! I remember seeing this like 2 months ago, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it! It was so hard when they had to go to like a wallpaper store and a hardware store. Or, maybe they had to go to Coney Island and cut up animals. Or, maybe...anyways, we haven't seen this challenge in awhile, and it's back! ZOMG. Be still my beating heart!

Bur, what is our challenge, outside of an unconventional challenge?  Well, we have to take a trip to find a SCHOOL BUS! Immediately, my gay ass starts worrying that this is going to be an anti-bullying episode, because I spent my time on the school bus blasting KMFDM and Nine Inch Nails at volumes that pierced everybody else's ear drums. Immediately the designers start fucking around on the school bus. And, they're being taken to PS 212, some school in NYC. So, it's not an anti-bullying after school special, but it is a mad dash challenge, in the vein of that time they tore up their apartments in the first episode.  They have 4 minutes to get everything, and...

Oh, fuck...Pansear. Really?  You have to bring the bullying? I know it's uncouth for me to say, because solidarity and I was bullied and blah blah blah but...*sigh*. So, because of the bullying, we know that Pansear is not going home because emotional backstory = stay. But, then we have the fight between Korto and Necktat for who's going home as they're both revealing a bit much in the asides. And, a little bit of Mychael. And, they're all starting to make really REALLY ugly shit. 

I've also really been in love with Korto's revealing.  Every time, she's like "Bitches, I'm here for the money. Why the fuck am I here?" This time, she's revealing its all about her daughter and growing her business to provide for her child. And, Awwww.  But, she still doesn't want to be here. Meanwhile, Pansear is still ranting about bullying. And, he'll not stop until the runway. 

During Zanna's consultations, she's all worried about the outfits that she should be worried about, and enthusiastic about some of the ones she also should be worried for. Korto's look starts out looking like a rejected costume from Hackers, but then we see her start doing shit with rubber bands that starts making it look like a homemade Marching Band outfit. And, Zanna is worried about Mychael's progress because he hasn't done much of anything, and insult's Necktat lego foam dress. And, ooooooof. There's the origins of some serious ugly in the room. And, then there's a twist. Because PS 212 isn't a commercial tie in, this is the Mary Kay tie in episode, where two people consult on makeup whose advice seems to get ignored the next day.

And, soon its time to go to runway, where I fully expect to see Dan "I have 2 shirts" Savage representing It Gets Better because, well, bullying and high school. Instead, we get the fantastic Gabourey Sidibe, from Precious, the New York high school movie about bullying in the inner city. And, also Michael Urie, who was*checks IMDB* Partners and Ugly Betty. He also directed He's Way More Famous Than You...which, um...  Poor guy. Maybe he was the one who replaced Dan Savage. 

Anyways, Runway.

Irina: I hate to admit it...this was my favorite look on the runway today. It was over the top pink and princessy, which is a total departure for Irina, but its well made and it doesn't entirely look like it was made from other materials. It looks like some weird combination of a little girl's fantasy dress and 80s pop summer gone to France. I just...I hate loving it. But, it's so awesome.

Pansear: He totally trainspotted Mychael's look from last week. It's hard plastic armor which is kind of transformer-y, and armor-y. But, it's border costume for me. 

Korto: What...the...fuck. At least she realizes it isn't good. But, seriously, she started out so modern with bright orange lines and complicated curves, and then she ended up with an elementary thanksgiving pageant apron like thing. It''s fucking awful, and an eyesore.

Elena: Made another color blocked android-esque sci-fi look. Remember how I said Pansear's looked border costume?  This is total costume to me. I think this would be in one of those cheap sci-fi pornographic movies where the costumer had like $40 and one day to make an outfit.  ...  Oh.

Necktat: Stripper at a hot dog stand at an Indian Casino.

Viktor: I like this one too, but I have always had an issue with dresses that look like you just glued things to a base fabric. It's almost cheating. Though, it looks like the cooler version of Justin's showstopper last season, outside the plastic chunky pieces.

Mychael: I'm sorry. I can't be mean to this. Poor guy.  Have at it commenters.

Seth Aaron: What?! At least its not boring?

So, the judging this week is whack again. Seth Aaron who has one of the worst looks on the runway is safe, and Irina, who had the best look, is also safe. But, neither Gabby nor Urie have much interesting to say. I love Gabby's way of looking at clothing, but they didn't have much intelligent to say. Michael Urie compares the boobies on Elena's dress to Rosie from The Jetsons, She was flat, honey. What were you fantasizing about as a pubescent boy?

But, the most entertaining part of this episode besides Korto's "I don't need to be here" moments, is Necktat's volcano of bullshit. "I never got from this that we were supposed to do something that was wearable. I heard something to the effect of 'flex your creative muscle.' And, this to me was an anime girl, in a sundress, mid-twirl."  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Elena's impression of McKayla Maroney was fucking priceless. I think she did it better than McKayla (sorry!). 

Necktat's volcano of bullshit is only matched by the finale where nobody loses.  WHAT?!  I know people struggled, but there was some serious ugly on this runway, and not even all of the bad looks were out there.  Seth Aaron's look is atrocious. And, just...omg, you guys...what?  *drink*  And, of course, the bullying outfit wins. Heartstrings pulled.

Stray Observations:

- Viktor (I think): "I refuse to do children."

- Viktor's Non-Zinger Zing of the week: "We don't need no twist, thankyouverymuch!...zan-na." *gestures with finger*

- No, Elena, Lady Gaga wasn't around 10 years ago, and no you didn't design for her 10 years ago.

- Zanna (to Irina) "It's definitely the pretty corner over here." Irina: "............" (translated: Don't make me cut you.)

- What the hell does Alyssa Milano have on during the runway?  PLEATS?!!?  I'm about to go on a fashion rage.

- Isaac: "I felt a little manipulated by Pansear's bullying story." Me: "Just like I was manipulated by your martini story."  No, Isaac, you're not gonna live that down until you do some good judging this season.

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