That being said, I'd be on Project Runway in a heartbeat, and the designer would have a fucking heart attack while I demanded a better fit. And, could I have tear away clothes like the strippers from last season?
Yes, dear readers, this is the "real woman" challenge that all long time fans of Project Runway have come to love and dread, all at once. But, fortunately, this isn't random nice old women who have somehow been scammed by Project Runway. Or, worse, the mothers or relatives of the other designers. This is a group of the afore-mentioned superfans, who have pre-conceived notions of how the show works. Insult away! Just kidding. Please don't insult the superfans.
When we first meet the superfans, they are arrive oohing and ahhing at everything, and taking more photos than an old lady on a tour bus. OH! They ARE on a tour bus. And then they get taken backstage and allowed to walk the runway and crawl around the sets nosing around and taking photos. They talk with Tim Gunn, and otherwise act like really adorably fun people.
And, after awhile, our superfans go into the workroom where the designers have NOT been chained to their desks. I repeat the designers have not been lashed to their desk in order to while away their morning doing nothing more than twiddle their thumbs. They're just sitting there, making odd comments about needing to randomly cut and sew some muslin because that's what they do for fun! They even stand and walk away from their desks to greet the superfans in order to prove they haven't been chained there on a permanent basis.
The superfans, as per usual for the "real woman" challenge come in ranges from boyishly skinny to curvy to already hot to plump. ToKen gets stuck with one of the larger women, which already rang elimination bells in my head. Alexandria has to do an interview suit for an art student. Justin has to do a dress for a mormon who lost 130 lbs. Eyebrows has to deal with another woman with curves who wants a SUIT.
Captain Sassypants bitches early in the episode off screen about having to design for non-models, which he's never done before. Everybody else is quite happy with their models, which is a really refreshing change of pace for Project Runway. Sure they may not know how to dress the models properly (especially Ken), but they weren't as blatantly offensive as they have been in seasons past. Probably because the producers were like "Shhhh, this is our viewing audience. We're on LIFETIME! You gotta be nice."
The designers consult and sketch with the superfans, and then the superfans get to go to Mood. Which is great because ToKen is designing in green for a girl who should not be wearing green. Match your skin tones bitches. But, then ToKen gets a crappy green fabric because his model was super excited by it. And, he also gets some other fugly pseudo-pleather fabric to go along with it. Elimination bells #2. Everybody else picks average fabrics.
The superfans are given hair consultations on day one for their New York vacations so they look stunning while in the big city. Hey! I need a hair consultation! Instead of using that L'oreal stuff, can you use this manic panic hair dye? Maybe we can go green! No, don't faint! How about neon purple? Gay rainbow? Leopard Print! And, bleach the shit out of my hair to dye it. 40 strength, so you don't burn the shit out of my scalp. *sigh* *dreams* I'd also like a pair of fashionable bleachers, I can bring my oxblood leather boots. Old school punk is back, right?
Anyways, the designers start designing, and Alexander is the only one truly struggling because he agreed to a suit for his superfan. And, considering that the superfan isn't a model, that means that Alexander needs to have a shitton of room for a lot of alterations because he is probably making somewhat educated guesses.
After the workroom, the male designers have to consolidate rooms. I hadn't noticed that this year they haven't been in plush cushy apartment suite accommodations, and were merely in a hotel with four single beds. Lulz. And, since they are now down to four male designers we're going down to one room. And, so, after a long day of working and dealing with superfans, the designers have to pack up and move into a single room. You know, because they didn't have time to do this in the morning while they were waiting for the superfans to finish up the tour, right?
Captain Sassypants confesses that this angers Queen ToKen and he isn't about to put up with it. He sets up his ironing board right in front of the front door, and starts ironing as the designers are starting to move in. Eyebrows, who is in the lead in the train of two, opens the door but has to wait for ToKen to finish his ironing of his jean short cutoffs?!!? WTF?! Who irons jean short cutoffs? I mean, really...
Eyebrows gets pissed because at this point, he just wants to settle in and go to bed. And Eyebrows knocks down the ironing board and iron. Then, Ken starts pitching his biggest fit yet to the point where the talent supervisor comes in and pleads with him to calm the fuck down or else she's going to lose her job if he cuts a bitch. Meanwhile Eyebrows and Dance Beard have ran back to their original room and locked the door.
The next day, Tim Gunn has a group sit down, as one would with 12 year olds. Because, really, that was an 12 year old thing to do. On all sides. All the women except Helen are like, "really, dudes? really? Get the fuck out." All the men and Helen are like "Sassy, stop being such a bitch." The end result is that Captain Sassypants gets his own bedroom. Elimination bells #3.
Back to the design. ToKen makes some sort of hideous green dress that even he hates. Eyebrows struggles with time. Justin makes a dress that has the woman's signature on it. Awwww. Dance Beard goes leather. Alexandria goes...well...Alexandria. Everybody else is safeish.
And, then its time for hair and makeup. There is a wide range of skin tones and dress designs that Handlebar Moustache Guy had to design for. Some of the makeup is more naturalistic. Some is more edgy. It's a wide range of...bitch!!! DON'T YOU BE HUGGING MY MAN! Get your hands off HMG, he's mine! Justin, control your superfan, dammit. No, really, if I was a superfan on Project Runway, I fear I'd be sexually harassing HMG during the makeup consultation in the worst ways possible, which I will refrain from detailing on here (you're welcome for that).
And, time for the runway show. Which, Nina didn't even show up for! Seriously, Project Runway? I know Nina is busy and all, but you have a superfan episode, and Nina can't even be bothered to show up? Anyways, her replacement is Zanna Roberts Rossi, new editor of Marie Claire and Joanna Cole's replacement (since she has left Marie Claire for Cosmo). And the special guest judge is Erin Fetherston.
Justin: OK, he's dressing for a Mormon who is hiding extra skin from losing 130 lbs. So, yeah, it's going to be a little boring. But, it fits her well, and I really like the signature and the way it comes from the shoulder and down the middle. It's tasteful, but I would have preferred this in an actual color (like the yellow in her before picture) because the top comes across as so flat on in black. Top three.
Dance Beard: The vest is amazing. It looks like something that Joanna Coles would wear. Its military and butch. It looks expensive, and its great in that leather. The dress looks cheap. It's a really nice simple black dress that Dance Beard kind of ruined with cheap shiny plastic strips haphazardly applied to the bottom. Top three (for the vest alone, IMHO).
Eyebrows: Poor eyebrows. He had the frame of a great suit with a giid fit. From the back it is a really nice silhouette, and flatters her figure. Then, it gets rough. He added gigantic black flaps at the bottom which makes the whole thing start looking silly. But, worse than that, he adds a black piece of something over one shoulder that looks like a burping rag for mothers of infants. Not finishing is one thing, but those extra elements are whoa. Bottom three (and probably could have gone home).
Dom: Safe, off the rack dress that looks really nice on her.model. And a nice jacket. It's just a really OK dress.
Kate: I love this look. Those leggings are nice and slimming, and her top is so well proportioned that the leggings pairing doesn't make her look like Humpty Dumpty (which is a problem I have seen frequently, where the legs look out of proportion thin to the girl because of the black leggings and billowy top). The top is stunning, even if it isn't in a color I'm not fond of. And, it's safe.
ToKen: An ugly green simple outfit with graphic stripes that go across it in unflattering ways. Especially the stripe that goes across one boob and makes everything look lopsided (Heidi was so right). The two materials suck together. The model loves it, even as ToKen himself hates it. ToKen goes home (thank God).
Alexandria: It's a boring design. The bulky military design of the front jacket doesn't match the clustered feminine back, nor do either of them match the summery skirt that's poking beneath it. And then there's some sort of black cummerbund-like-thing. It's really confused. Yes, its an interview suit, but it looks confining and uncomfortable. Bottom three.
Helen: Its a really nice runway dress. She was the only one who went red carpet, and she had the time to do it too. The bust looks especially nice, and the whole thing looks rather edgy and elegant. With a power hairstyle, this is the transformation of the show. She wins.
So, in the end, ToKen's gone. It wasn't for the dress, either. I think Eyebrows' unfinished suit was god awful, even in the directions he was taking it. That burping rag was hideous and unnecessary, and the jacket had those weird black things at the bottom of the front. ToKen's was just averagely bad. Though, his was more boring, which is the semi-rule of this season of Project Runway (though, I think Alexandria's was more boring). Personally, I think that ToKen's temper had overstayed his welcome a few episodes ago. His fights were no longer interesting or entertaining.
The final scene of Captain Sassypants was hilarity, though. Alexandria: "I think you have a voice." Sassy: "Project Runway pushed me as far as I want to be pushed." Tim You're happy? Well, good. Because I have to send you to the work room to clean up your space. Right now." Then, Sassy hugs some of the designers, but walks right past Tim Gunn. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Sassy. Good riddance.
Interesting coda that already happened: Captain Sassypants did not show a decoy show at New York Fashion Week. Even though even London showed a decoy collection, Sassy apparently couldn't be bothered. I haven't been able to find news on this absence, and I suspect PR won't make any announcement on it because then they would be acknowledging the presence of the decoy collections, which they haven't really done.
- The stage manager looks like he may be kind of hot as well. He's only seen in shadow, but he looks positively hunky.
- What the heck is with that skirt and top pairing that Heidi is wearing? A beigy striped top with a floral spring print skirt? It's, fortunately, not the kindergarten teacher alphabet sweater that Nina once wore, but it is a ?! moment.
- Alexander is delusional. "Did your model like it?" "She LOVED it." [later in the close-ups] "The design looked a little different on screen. But, you know..."
- Best judge dance arounds: "But, you're a cool girl! You know, you want something maybe a little bit more...inspired." "We think you're better than this dress."
- The two skinny real girls were indeed in the top, and one of them was the winner. Way to break your stereotypes Project Runway!
- ZOMG, Alyssa Milano is hosting PR All Stars! I think its a sign that I'm gay that my first thought was "the seductress Amy Fisher!"
- And, not in the advertisement for PR All Stars, Zanna Roberts Rossi is the new Joanna Coles as mentor. She won't be a cold heartless woman who seems like she's coming in for 15 minutes. But, Joanna will be missed. I loved her, though I might be the only one.
- Fashion related sidenote: What was Chelsea Clinton wearing on tonight's The Daily Show? It looked like the Theo Huxtable shirt that Denise made in that one episode of The Cosby Show. Only in dress form. Was anybody else bothered by this dress?