Project Runway S12 E15: "Reunion"

Dear readers, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize there would be a reunion special.  It is really trying to recap a recap.  I mean, the majority of the episode was

Tim Gunn: Why were you all such bitches?

[clip showing designers being assholes]

Designers: Who me?

Tim Gunn: Yeah, you. Are you that dense?!

Of all of the Project Runway reunions I have watched, this is one of the most "picking open the wounds" episodes I have seen.

However, there was a really good moment having to do with calling out the producers of the show for the editing, casting and selection.  Unfortunately, Tim Gunn is the host of this episode, and also an executive producer, and also has to come to the defense of the show.  But, I just want to call attention to the segment because it really is showing the lengths that Project Runway is going to try to knock down the criticisms of the viewers.

For seasons, the reviewers have always said that the judges have their favorites and preferred aesthetics. Justin was Tim Gunn's favorite. Alexandria was Heidi Klum's favorite. Helen was Nina Garcia's favorite. This was obvious.  We all know this. 

Tim shows his hand a bit, though. "And, if this show were rigged, Mondo Guerra would have won Season 8."  No. I'm sorry Tim, but that's never EVER been the accusation. The accusation has always been: "If the show was NOT rigged, Mondo Guerra would have won season 8. BECAUSE this show was rigged, Anya Gretchen (thanks Citric for correction) won Season 8, and Mondo Guerra was given a whole new spin off series to win: All Stars."  

Really, any reality show viewer worth their salt recognizes that personalities are put on show in no small part because of their personalities. Within a few episodes we are pretty sure who the last 6 are going to be.  And, the order before that is part due to personalities.

Stray Observations:

- Captain Sassypants' explanation of his anger issues: "I express myself differently."

- Cryface: "I just want to be taken seriously in the industry. And, wait, really?  Oh wait. We can't hire here. She's a drama queen. She breaks down all the time." 

- Drag Eyebrows: "I come from an industry where you get 300-400 hours for a garment and make it to last."

- Captain Sassypants (on regrets): "I would have come into this season with a professional mindset."

...

Ed's Note:

Project Runway All Stars is moving to Friday evening reviews.  When Season 13 of Project Runway comes back, we'll be back to Thursdays.  If you prefer it to be written up on Thursdays, please leave me a note in the comments.

Project Runway S12 E14: "Finale Part 2"

Fashion, deconstructed

Editor
Hey guys!  WE MADE IT.  This is Project Runaway's first finale!  YAYAYAY! And, really, we wouldn't have done it without you. Thanks to you commenters, we saw insights that we've tried to incorporate into the reviews, and we like communicating with you.  Hopefully you enjoy us too. Thank you for reading!

Adrian had the brilliant idea to tag team the finale, and I thought it was a great idea. Unfortunately, we're on different coasts, and that three hour difference made it a challenge that we will probably work on.  And, unfortunately, I got a little verbose *blush*  Sorry Adrian, if I dominated the intro.  I couldn't figure out a good way to transition from finishing up the episode to going back through the series.  I'm sorry.  *meep*  Anyways, enough with the disclaimers...on with the show!

Julius
I discovered Project Runway has an official coffee table book.  I didn't know this, and don't remember it being advertised all that much when it came out a couple years ago.  I learned a bit about why the new seasons feel so rushed compared to seasons of old.  Project Runway is filmed only in the summer after Parsons finally gets out of school.  Given that they now do 3 seasons a year, they have to film all three seasons over summer. They basically do have 3 weeks to film the whole series. The perception that the designers are basically being worked at a breakneck pace compared to the pace of yesteryear is actually accurate.

Looking back, we see a lot of talent in the old seasons, but there's something interesting about Project Runway.  According to Desiree Gruber, originally it was conceived as having seamstresses with the designers.  But, the seamstresses would have cost $30,000 per seamstress, totally $360,000.  Given that this was one of the first talent-based reality shows, they didn't have the budget for that.  And, since it started like that, it probably would have been a cheat if the later seasons had recieved a seamstress when PR finally got those big bucks rolling in (especially if they were spending money wrecking apartments in the first episode!).

In light of that, this is part Project Seamstress, and I think that has hindered their selection a bit. I'm also reading the bio of trash filmmaker Andy Milligan, who started his career as a dress maker in New York in 1960.  Even Andy had a stitch bitch as part of his crew, and he only owned a single dress shop. Now, there are a lot of designers who actually are the whole package. But, designers frequently get a stitch bitch fairly quickly if they're designing out of the gate.

In the past, we've had designers of varying talent where designers had strong points of view and they all felt like they would be great winners.  And, there were some seriously bitter loses in those days.  The loss I'm still bitter over is Chris March's amazing modern goth collection didn't get shown on television.  That was all the way back on Season 4.  And, he lost to Rami and Christian.  It's hard to get bitter over that.

This season has been made up of a wide variety of talent, you guys,  For the first time, there were two losses that felt sincerely bitter.  The two losses that I thought were rather extreme were Jeremy (aka London), and Kate (who was a 2nd chancer).  Jeremy, especially, started out oh so London chic then slowly devolved into this matronly style that seemed like he was designing for a soccer mom.  Kate was at the top of her game all season until, somehow, she made an outfit that...um...did the producers drug her drink that week?  What the flying fuck was that?

But, if I'm going to be honest with you dear readers, what made this season totally compelling wasn't just that we had actual designers this year, but we also had some serious mental problems on screen this season.  There is an interview with a Project Runway producer over at AV Club which brings up Sandro as if he's the craziest one this season.  Somehow, in a 2 page interview, there is absolutely no mention of Captain Sassypants, nor his complete lack of a decoy collection.  And, yet, you see Sandro in the audience along with Male Portlandia.  It's like he just disappeared from existence with the hit of the iron.  Maybe the owl took him away. While I'm being totally honest in that the serious mental problems did kind of make the season compelling, I do think we need to tone down the rage.  We need more enironmental crazy people like our crazy unicorn Sustainidiot, and fewer rageaholics like Angry Warrior Freddy Merkovitch and Captain Sassypants.

Project Runway, this year, has also shown some more of the process of sewing.  In flashes, at least.  I have tried to take the time out to call out these flashes because, as a designer I want to see more of these low-drama moments that actually have more of the designers working out their problems without crying *ahem*Helen*ahem* or throwing fits.

Adrian
I hate to say it, you guys, but Project Runway has a problem. While it tends to do beginnings fairly well, I don't think it's really learned to knock the endings out of the park. The last couple episodes tend to be slow and unexciting. The visits home never really provide any drama and they tend to offer up very little reason to watch at all. The finales, which should be every show's crowning jewel, are often either predictable or just boring.

In an attempt to remedy this, the producers decided to throw a last minute challenge at the designers. I can't stress enough how much I think this was a horrible idea. We get a moodless trip to Mood, pointless scrambling to come up with a new look to replace one of the old looks, and final pieces that are nice but add nothing to anyone's overall collection. I liked the decision to give the designers one more unconventional materials challenge to end off the year (even if it was a bit extreme to have so many of those types of challenges this season), but that only worked because the designers had the entire time dedicated to their collections to come up with a material and a look for it. Bringing them back and asking for another look that simply has to be washable is lazy on the show's part, and very unfair to the competitors. I've watched just about every season of this show; as such I've said these words before and I'm sure I'll say them again before I give up on the show for good, but I'm very disappointed in this development, PR.

Julius
In all fairness, to Project Runway, the one last dress challenge has been ritual.  What I truly miss from Project Runway's first season or two, was more of a focus on the whole process of putting on a runway show.  In the first season, the designers had to hold auditions with models, and select which models would go with which dress.  It made for a completely compelling look into design and styling. Frequently, you hear about designers saying their models are their muse (especially that one season where the designers had the option to steal other designers' models), and you realize that, not only do the designers have to design for themselves, but they have to figure out what will look good on their model in terms of color, fit, proportions, and styling.  Overall, it would make a far more compelling look into the world of runway design than having the one last elimination challenge that, I believe, started with Chris March's bitter elimination.  *GRRRRRRRRRR*

Adrian:
What I'm not disappointed in, however, are the collections we're graced with. Well most of them at least. I'll leave talking about individual looks to Julius, in favor of just touching on each collection itself.

Justin
(Adrian): I can't help it, I loved it. I mentioned it last week, and I wasn't alone, but I'm really happy that Tim saved him when this is the outcome. When I think that we could have been robbed of the experience of seeing this collection, I can't help but be happy that he's still here. The opening looks were elegant in their simplicity and never crossed into boring for me. The middle section is easily my favorite. The print works amazingly, the cuts of the dresses are all sleek and interesting, and it perfectly conveys the chaos experience he intended. If I have one complaint about the collection it's that I'm not sure I saw a real transition into the third phase of the story. I think the unconventional materials look does a great job of melding the first two phases of the story into one look that conveys grace and acceptance pretty well, but I think there could have been another look or two to do the same. Either way, he's got my second place collection hands down.

(Julius): I liked this collection.  It was clean, quiet, reserved and sophisticated. As an overall effect, he had a great story that was told through the gradual fade from white to grey with full color, then back to white with the integration of an ethereal layer of sound.  Then Justin hammers it all home with the unconventional dress that managed to be elegant, metaphorical, and literal all at once.  And, the final dress really tied the whole collection together.  It was actually a moving collection, that had a story to tell.  I had one look I had a problem with.  The outfit is the transitional between the first two phases.  It was a great transition, but it had some serious issues with that neckline.  The rest of the collection was sublime in its simplicity, even if he is consistently terrible with his designs in the bust.  The dress everybody, including me, loved with the sound waves down the front had some serious issues with that.  Going into all forty looks would be a bit harsh on everybody.

Dom
(Adrian): There's no way in hell that Dom doesn't win this thing. Her collection starts with a bang and it never slows down from there. I will say I wasn't in love with the weird shower curtain jacket from the early look, but she used the effect once again later in a simpler wrap and I loved it.  Even the more muted looks speak volumes, and this has a lot to do with her use of prints and color. I know we've been saying this about her all competition long, but it works. It's her signature, and what a fucking signature to have. I even liked the swimsuit; though I did think she could have done without the bag to go with it. And her unconventional materials look was oddly integrated into the collection as a whole. Amid all that color and print, you'd think a dress of solid silver door hinge repair pieces would be out of place, but it wasn't. I can't say enough good things about this collection.

(Julius): When this collections was on, it was sublime.  When it was off, it was way off for me.  I hated hated HATED the sheer material shower curtain plastic looks that the judges seemed to fall in love with. I can't say enough about how that took me out of the collection. On the other hand, Dom is like the cross between Mondo and Anya that uses bold prints in an energetic and vibrant way that really makes me happy that she is in the world.  Outside of those plastic looks, all of her outfits were just these vibrant pieces of energetic happiness that made me smile. My favorite look was the washable look which felt like it was the adult mature stylish distillation of all this soul and happiness that Dom possesses.  Zac Posen said the most insightful thing, "She's really a sophisticated lady. I just don't think she knows that yet."  This feels like the exploding birth of an artistic soul who will be pushing out all of these looks that will be so instinctively energetic and wild, and in the next few years she'll probably reign it all in to a more mature but happy brand.  I can't wait to see what's next for her.

Alexandria
(Adrian): Maybe I'm biased but I simply don't get it. It's remarkable to me that Justin also has a mostly black and white collection and yet his looks are never boring. I can't say the same thing about Alexandria's, and I honestly spent the entire show wondering why she was even there. Her collection added nothing to the mix of these other designers, and nothing about it suggested it deserved to be at Fashion Week.

(Julius): Ugh. The bases for Alexandria's collection is Pris from Blade Runner.  Only, then she got rich and became a boring tennis mom. Alexandira's second, sixth, and eighth looks really inform the shiny cyberpunky grungy roots of the collection.  But, then she blends them in with these looks of rich white people attempting to appropriate hip hop culture in the most fucking boring way ever. And, then there is the fifth look which is like a coffee shop trust fund poet wannabe. Really, her whole show pissed me off it reeked so much of money and privilege.  And, don't even get me started on the shitty message of the phone books.

Bradon
(Adrian): Oh my sweet and simple Dance Beard, how I have long loved you and how far you hath fallen. This just didn't work from the start in a lot of ways. I understood what he was going for, but I don't think he accomplished it with clothes that were appealing. And the floral print he chose didn't do him any favors either. I will say that I honestly loved the last three looks of his collection, but the rest is just a no.

(Julius): Uh...wut?  Srsly...wut?  Bradon, you opened the show with a dress that looks like an upside down beer in a pint glass.  And, it was really all down hill from there.  You followed up the pint glass with its basket weave coaster.  Your fourth look had a pair of shorts where it looks like a bunch of flowers pointing to a FUCKING CAMEL TOE!!  Most of your looks suffered from either Gold Lame, or a crappy use of a psychadelic pseudo-Asian print charmuse that could be spring, but would totally look great on an geisha girl.  And, then you realized it and, as your made the 9th look the Asian inspired look the fabric wanted to be, and put it on an Asian girl.  It seemed right at home, finally.  But, then you finished up the show with a look that was like a beachy Anya dress made with a print inspired by the cover of The Downward Spiral and was attacked by a golden caterpillar.  If only this dress was the one with spilled coffee, nobody would have noticed, or they would have thought it was intentional.  In short, you failed.  Unlike Adrian, I didn't even see what you were going for.  I saw the flower coming up from the snow, kind of...but it was ultimately a failure.  Which makes me really sad because, unlike Alexandria, I loved your style throughout the show.  It's not even that you got bit by London's old lady bug.  You just went...wut?  No.

Adrian
So Dom wins and it's really the only choice the judges could have made that would make sense. The finale never really has anything going for it beyond the Fashion Week show, and I'm starting to wonder if Project Runway shouldn't just run with that fact. Condense the last episode to an hour and spend all of that time at Fashion Week and on the judging runway itself. Watching the designers work on another (pointless) look while also having to go through model fittings, hair and makeup consultations, and the heightened emotions of even showing at Fashion Week is simply too much. Or is it just me? What did you think of the final episode as a whole, Julius? Were you fooled by the final moments of built in tension as the judges had to make the oh so difficult decision between Dom and Alexandria?

Julius
I could have gone for Justin or Dom, really.  Though, I lost hella respect for Justin when he went for the I'm deaf ploy on stage.  Ugh.  No, you shouldn't win because you're deaf.  You should win because you can design when you're not under pressure.  And, you can.  I loved your collection, and I would have been happy with you winning as well (especially if you continued making 3D printed space age jewelry).  Ultimately, I think if they got rid of the One Last Elimination in Finale Part 1 that has become a tradition, and kept in the one last design challenge.  Then, re-added in the whole process from choosing the models and pairing the dressed all the way through design, I think the finale would be a stronger more cohesive two parter.  The one last design challenge frequently inspires a look that actually pulls the whole collection together, as it did in Dom's collection.

Again, thank you readers!  We'll see you again at least for the All-Stars opener, if not the whole season.  More decisions on that to come.  Thanks!

Stray Observations:

--Dom is worried about what to put her muse model in; I guess she knows the judges don't look at anything other than the last look. (AA)

- Justin is so sweet wanting to make his washable look reversible.  That doesn't matter if you don't show off the reversibility, Justin.  And, you shouldn't. (JK)

--One of Justin's models broke her ankle right before the final runway show. Was I the only person who thought maybe the model was making a last minute bid for freedom and the producers went all Kathy Bates from Misery on her?

--In keeping with Justin's model struggles, he's stressed because his size 0 model is replaced by a size -2 alternate, and the dress just doesn't fit anymore. How hard life is. (AA)

--I have never seen a better “Cut-a-bitch” moment then when the model spilled coffee on Bradon's dress. He's a much better person than I am because I would have killed her and dragged her dead body down the runway. (AA)

- Really, who gives models coffee?  Shouldn't they be giving them like powdered speed?  Just kidding. Kind of.  But, coffee and food stains.  That should not be allowed back stage. At all. (JK)

- Did anybody notice the awesome fashion art queen that was seated behind Justin's parents?  I will associate his parents with the floral print nature of their home and how conservative and sweet they are. That memory clashed so hard with the queen behind them, it made me laugh so so hard. (JK)

- Justin's parents were so right when comforting Justin.  "You finished with integrity and America fell in love with you."  It's so true.  Justin, Dom and Bradon all finished with integrity and without irritating the viewers.  I honestly can't think of what Alexandria ever did to raise the ire of everybody, but that's just me.  (JK)

- Best line of the episode: Dom: "I'm poor.  I'm working two jobs, people." (JK)

- Also, since Adrian is probably too humble to mention it, take a look at his blog, A Storyteller's Guide To Story Telling, listed on the right.  He's just starting it, and I enjoy his writing immensely.  (JK)

- And, I'm not humble, so if you like semi-off-the-beaten-path movies, check out my blog, The Other Films.  We're currently in October's horror dedication month. (JK)

Project Runway S12 E13: "Finale Part 1"

One of the biggest issues with what Project Runway did last week was that it eliminated all of the stakes from the proceedings. If no one goes home, then what's the point of the competition? One way that competition reality shows have learned to up the stakes again when they avoid sending someone home one week is to send two people home the next week. This is a tried and true reality TV method, and one that we enter into the traditional pre-fashion-week-home-visit episode expecting. So after the three designers on the bubble show their mini collections on the runway, two of them will be eliminated and we'll be back to a solid top three for fashion week.

Now that we've got that totally accurate prediction out of the way, on with the show. There's been an added element to the final challenges: one of the looks has to be an unconventional materials look. That makes this the third (maybe fourth?) unconventional materials challenge this season. I don't know if I want to make fun of that fact as the unconventional materials challenges tend to be some of my favs, but that does seem to be a bit much.

This year, the home visits are split up between the two contestants with promised spots at fashion week and then the three losers who have to grovel to the judges for a spot. This brings us to Dom's home in Philadelphia where Tim arrives, uninvited, to a private lunch she's having with her mother, brother, and their waiter? Oh no wait, that cute chubby white guy is actually Dom's boyfriend. So that nubian goddess is dating the Pillsbury doughboy? Moving on: Her loved ones all express the typical platitudes of how proud they are for her, except her boyfriend who doesn't say too much at all; I'm guessing he's more the fat strong silent type. Tim and Dom leave to go check out her collection and we're introduced to the first of what will be a recurring theme this finale: designers creating their own textile. I guess all the HP talk from this year really did pay off. (Haha I can't believe I got that entire sentence out without laughing) Her collection is called (or inspired by) Retro Futureism which I'm pretty sure is an oxymoron. Her unconventional material is door jamb repair pieces which look pretty cool. Her designs look great, her textiles look beautiful, and she's using color; she should be in great shape.

Off to LA to see Bradon and his very tall (and hot) boyfriend Josh and their cute doggy, Eddie. Bradon's collection is inspired by spring in New York and the first flowers breaking through the snow and his unconventional material is clothing line. It's a mix of floral prints and sold metallic fabric. And I would like to see it on the models before I pass judgement because right now it looks like he went with some of Jeremy's worst old woman tendencies. Afterwards, Bradon and Josh take Tim to their very favorite place which happens to be a secluded spot on the beach. This leaves us all (and by all I mean me) wondering what the two of them like to do on this secluded and private stretch of beach....at night....when they're all alone... Where was I? Oh right, Tim Gunn at the beach wearing a suit jacket and pants because he's Tim Fucking Gunn. And to be honest, would we have it any other way?

Since we're already in California, Tim heads over to San Mateo, which I'm pretty sure is a made up place, to see Alexandria. Her collection is called Neo Nomadic Punk which I actually like in spite of myself. While the name is cool, the look is exactly what everyone would have expected it to be. She's sticking with white, black, grey, and tope, so no color on this one, and her unconventional material is the phone book woven into a nap. Oh wait, sorry, I meant to say that I took a nap during her segment; the phone book is being woven into a dress or something. Moving on: further confirming the idea that no one on earth likes Alexandria, we don't get to meet any friends or family. I'm guessing that she doesn't have any. Instead, we're taken to the sweat shop where she's chained up a few inner city kids to do all of her sewing for her. It certainly explains how she's already got 30 looks created and ready to go in 4 weeks time. The kids are cute, and precocious, and as Tim is leaving and hugging them all good bye, I think one of them slips a plea for help into his pocket.

 Union City New Jersey. I'd tell you who lives there, but I'm sure as soon as I said Jersey you guessed. Helen is another of the designers to create her own textile and it goes well with her inspiration of “Clairvoyance” because it's a print of her boyfriend's eye. Ok that was a lie, I have no idea how Clairvoyance and her boyfriend's eye go together, but then again I don't know how that can be an inspiration at all, so let's just go with it I guess. She's using color, she wants her capes to be a focal point of the collection, she's using bath mats as her unconventional, and I'm so horribly unimpressed that I got up and went to the bathroom in the middle of her and Tim's conversation. Good times were had by all. Back with the family, we meet yet another really tall boyfriend, this one with seemingly model good looks (by which I mean he looks like he could be a model which might be good for some people but totally didn't do it for me); he and Helen look odd together and he doesn't say much. Tim asks her family about Helen's tendencies towards great self confidence followed by crippling self doubt. Translation: Why does this bitch cry so much? They're all used to it, and Helen breaks out with the grand confidence that not only will she make it to showing at fashion week, she'll win the whole thing. I'll just leave that comment there and move forward.

Justin lives in Raleigh North Carolina where Tim crashes a nice family dinner with mom, dad, and sister. We learn that Justin's sister won't let him design dresses for her. I guess she's not into the whole foamy vag thing, weirdo. And also that Justin was once an architect. Did we know that already? It's amazing either way and I am more impressed with him than I ever was before. His collection is inspired by his own journey from being totally deaf to getting his Cochlear Implant and finally being able to hear. Also, I swear I'm not crying, I just snorted a lot of pepper because that's a thing I do. He's using 3D printing to create some of his accessories, he's also created his own textile for a look or two, and his unconventional material is test tubes which he seems to be just gluing all over a dress. Again, I'll reserve judgement.

It's back to New York where Bradon and Dom hug when they see each other, then Helen arrives and they all hug tightly, and then Alexandria arrives....then Justin arrives and he, Dom, and Helen all hug. Not that that means anything, right? We head to the new work room where Tim introduces us to someone whose name I didn't even get because she's a rep from Tide to tell them that everyone who makes it through to Fashion Week will have to make a new look for Tide that can be machine washable. So for those of you who were complaining that there wasn't enough product placement this season, here we go for one last shameless plug.

But before we get there, we've got one more challenge to get through. Tim comes back for a meeting with the three competing designers and he looks a little different than he did the day before. Is it a haircut? No not the hair. Maybe the outfit? No certainly not that. Oh I know, it's the cuts and bruises and busted lip that he got from “falling down some subway stairs.” I've watched a lot of TV and lived a lot of life, and I think I know what “fell down the stairs” is code for. As such, I'm gasing up my car to drive up to New York right now and kick someone's ass!

In his bruised and battered state, Tim rips Justin and Helen new ones for sloppy construction issues, but leaves each of them with a lot of positive feed back and he even gets choked up as he's leaving. Justin also gets choked up and says something about them all feeling like family, and I'm not sure if it's all generally sweet or if it's just sweet because it's coming from Project Runway's Sweetheart. And so starts the last minute scramble to get things ready for the runway. Helen decides to sew in a liner to one of her capes, and seeing how much work must be done, Dom jumps in to help her. Justin rushes to get his models into their outfits, and understanding how much work it is and how important it is, Bradon jumps up to help him out. Do I even need to say it? Ok, I'll say it: No one helps Alexandria.

At the Runway, Heidi is very careful not to say that 3 people will be showing at Fashion Week. Instead she say things like “After today, we'll see.” But we've already established that two people are going home so that's not setting off any red flags or anything.

Runway:

Alexandria

Look 1: I wish someone had a line of coke for me to do so I could wake up enough to give a shit about this outfit. All in black, the vest is boring, the pants do have the cool pocket thing going for them, but that's really the only good thing I can say about it.

Look 2: The grey top and the stark white pants look good together as color combinations go, but that's about it. There's something about the cut outs on the shoulder and the tie in the back of the jacket that just look off to me. And the pants are just another pair of oddly baggy pants from Alexandria. They aren't drop crotch, luckily, but they aren't very interesting either.

Look 3: Didn't this bitch say something about Punk in her description? Did the meaning of the word Punk change without telling me? Of her three looks, I will say that this is the closest I came to really enjoying, but that's only because I think the asymmetrical cut of the pants is kind of cool. It's also the closest thing to Punk in her collection, but that's only because the cut is a bit modern and edgy. The look is still in tope and I just don't think that tope can ever be the first thing to come to mind when someone says Punk. The top is OK. And I want someone to burn that fucking hat.

Helen

Look 1: Little black dress which is actually blue. The construction is nice, but it's still just a little black blue dress.

Look 2: Baggy red dress with a cool acrylic belt. I could say that the construction is nice but the look itself is simple, or I could just say see above, so I think I'll just say see above... oh wait... damnit!

Look 3: Um.... wow. So this is the boyfriend's eye print, and there's a cape, and all I can think about is how screwed her model is if someone were to push her in a body of water since she can't move her fucking arms. What the hell, Helen? No, just no!

Justin

Look 1: I think the cut and fit issues that Tim pointed out in the work room are evident here. The outfit swallows the model whole and does very unflattering things to her shape. But I can't say that I don't like the look itself. There's something simple and toned down about it that I respond to positively. Plus I'm a total sucker for an open back and the cut out window in the back is rather stunning and elegant.

Look 2: I can't explain enough how much I love love love this look. I said last week that I was worried that given too much time, Justin would have way too many elements in his outfits. Initially, I thought that this would be the dress to prove that. Between the 3D printed belt, the designed textile, and the spray painted skirt it all should have been too much. But seeing it on the runway, my God does it work!

Look 3: At first it's hard to get over the loud noise the dress makes while walking, but when you just look at it, it's beautiful. It moves amazingly, I love the 3D printed collar, and it's glamorous and elegant in a way that test tubes shouldn't be glamorous and elegant. This look is a show stopper to be sure.

The judges talk to Justin first and have nothing but positive things to say about his looks. And when you hear him explain how the first look is parsed down to represent his life as a deaf child, the second look is all about the chaos of finally having the volume turned on and it driving him a bit crazy, and the third look is all about coming to peace and learning to live in the world now, your jaw can't help but drop to the floor. Honestly, I gained a whole new respect for the first look after his explanation, and I've always believed that that's what an outfit's story should do: take a good look and make it great. He's obviously going right on to Fashion Week, so the show is over and Helen and Alexandria can go on home, right?

Heidi and Zac have mostly positive things to say to Alexandria until Nina acts as the voice of reason and points out how boring the collection is and how pathetic it is that she didn't use any color. At this point, Zac promptly snaps out of whatever day dream he was in and joins Nina in bashing the collection. Heidi holds fast to her (vastly insightful) position of liking the little pocket thing. Nothing good comes from the judges talking to Helen.

So the writing is on the wall. Justin is the only person with truly positive reviews so he's going forward and the other two are going home, and we can go to bed. Heidi compliments Justin, tells him he's going to Fashion Week, and sends him off the stage leaving Helen and Alexandria behind. She then explains that she liked Alexandria's looks, but no one else did, and after the longest pause ever tells her that she's showing at Fashion Week too... And I'm speechless. Helen goes home, Bradon, Dom, Alexandria, and Justin will be showing, and Project Runway can go fuck itself. Great job keeping the stakes up, you guys. See you all next week for the finale!

Stray Observations:

--In all honestly, my roommate (who isn't a PR fan btw) was watching with me and she said “Oh he's totally going forward.” when she saw the mini collections. At this point in time I said, “He's going, but someone is going with him. Heidi is being way too vague about the final number of people showing, which means they've already decided to have 4 finalist.” She then said, “Wow, so this show is that predictable?” I could only laugh.

--I know I made a lot of fun about Dom's boyfriend, but I really didn't mean any of it at all. I just thought it sounded good in the review. The truth is I think love can be found in any number of places, and also I thought he was totally fucking adorable. So please don't hate me; I sometimes sacrifice my true beliefs for the sake of trying to make people laugh, or just writing something that sounds pretty good.

--With that being said, I kind of think this is the best batch of boyfriends we've gotten from the show in awhile. I was either personally attracted to, or at least fully understood how someone could be attracted to each of them.

--I'm still not fully sure how I feel about Justin seeming to ride his disability for all it's worth. I don't know why, but it feels like this kind of extreme focus on it came out of nowhere.

--Tim Gunn: “Eddie's trying to dig to China. Eddie, once you get there, you'll want to come right back.”

--Alexandria: “I'm in.”
Dom: “Noooooo. I mean congratulations.”
Yes, Dom, and so say we all.

Project Runway S12 E 12: "Butterfly Effect"

Just shut up and do your damn work!

Zzzzzzzzzz

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

*huh* Wuh. Wut.

Oh yeah, Project Runway.

You guys, this is was the most unnecessary episode of Project Runway I think we've experienced.  It's the final episode before we send people home to design for Fashion Week.  We still have five designers, but anybody who has watched Project Runway for any length of time knows that we have to pretend like there is something of suspense in this episode.  Like the stakes are really high, when the overall stakes of the next two episodes are "Whose outfits will we get to see on TV?"

To Project Runway's credit, they played down that tension.  They know that we know that everybody at this point goes to Fashion Week.  It worked like the first two seasons, but when one of the biggest fan sites has pictures of everybody's runway already up for a month, then you might as well give up the fakery.

So, what are the producers to do?  Well, they saved the avant garde episode for last.  Normally, the avant garde episode isn't the FINAL episode since many of the best avant garde challenges have been from team challenges (still fondly remembering Chris March and Christian Siriano's Season 3 look), but its a 2-day challenge this year, so yay for that.

We haven't had the L'oreal makeup challenge yet.  So, that gets tossed into the mix.

And, the last bit of challenge (at this point) is that they're inspired by...butterflies.  I guess this is because of some sort of butterfly mascara.  Billy B is L'oreal's rep.  His words of wisdom?  "Be inspired."  Thanks, Billy.  Alexandria is attracted to a dark butterfly.  Justin is attracted to an "outsider" butterfly that kind of looks like a moth.  Dom expresses enthusiasm for being able to go wild with color and inspiration.  Helen is going to be "Lux as Hell."

Once we get out of Mood, however, we get the best 5 minutes that I think Project Runway has ever had.  Now that's we're down to 5 designers, we get to spend time with the designers learning their process.  Justin goes into detail on his piping and sewing to make this incredibly intricate look of ropes. He explains how he has to make each and every pipe and sew it into a pattern.  And, then Bradon, who spent his time watching butterflies, is inspired to make noodles, but he doesn't know why.  He's being driven by divinity.

L'oreal comes in and does makeup consulting with Billy B.  I miss Handlebar Moustache Guy in this sequence.  HMG, you're amazing.  There is also a special focus on nails.  No, Nomi Malone, not your murder nails.  No, Nomi...that's a bad Nomi!!! Shouldn't you be on Dancing with the Stars?  Maybe you can do mine sometime?   /sorry

Tim comes in and does his critiques.  This episode really shows Tim's strength as a consultant.  I really couldn't see much of the final dresses in any of the forms at this point.  The only thing that I could see was that Cryface is making a cheap Halloween costume, and Tim calls her out for it.  Cryface breaks down again.  Bradon echoes the audience, "drama drama drama."  Tim is like, "stop crying every episode."  Dom is like "stop crying!!!"  Cryface's model is like "stop fucking crying, or I'm not getting my goddamn spread!!"  Oh, and Alexandria's look is another dark goth cyberpunk deconstructed dress.  Zzzzzz.

ZZZZZZZZZZ

Oh, wait...there's another challenge?  What?  Producers, were you bored?  Did you actually have scheduling conflicts with the judges?  Regardless of the reasons, we get a day 3, and a second challenge. Anyways...Because butterflies are transformative, then the designers have to transform their ex-fellow designers' losing looks into a new look.  You know, its not bad enough for the losers to have lost...they have to see what other designers will do with their losing look.  Now, turn the knife to the right.

Justin chooses his own dress.  I have to wonder if Justin was told to choose his look.  Sort of like, "dude.  You've not impressed us since your save.  How about impressing us by revamping your losing look?"  Nothing else of note was chosen.

At some point, mid-afternoon, Alexandria calls home to some camp.  You can tell it's mid-afternoon by how bright the window is.  But, the storyline chooses to push this to end of the night when Alexandria is having a breakdown.  zzzzzzzzzz.

Makeup, nails and hair time.  Random dreams about fashion week blahblahblah...and then its runway show!  Guest judge is Emmy Rossum.

Runway:

Avant Garde
Dom: It's like the Paris version of "I threw a jacket over my PJs." I really love the jacket, and it feels very edgy and sweet.  The sweatpants jumpsuit look...its OK.  It's better on its own.  But, the jacket is to die for.

Alexandria: Goth, deconstructed cyberpunk complete with silver hair on a black woman.  Jesus. It's like Halle Berry from Swordfish stole out of Catwoman's closet to go to a blood rave in Blade.

Cryface: OK, I know that Tim Gunn said he liked carrots at the beginning of the episode, but you didn't need to make a carrot.  OK, that was a bit of a potshot.  The dress is like a fall fashion look.  I think it was unfair for the judges to compain about the orange, because I quite like the orange and think it went well on the model.  It was a nice dress, but I dunno if it was avant garde.

Justin: A total Monet. The rope effect is nice from far away, but up close it's a big ole mess.  From afar it has great lines. From up close, its like a mop.  And the jacket was good, but over that dress it made the model look pregnant.

Braden: Stellar.  As soon as I saw what he did, I thought it looked amazing. Like Zac, I've never seen anything like it. It's brave, bold, experimental, and not ugly.  It's not costume, but it toes the line between costume and art.

Transformation
Dom: Transforming London's look which was based on him dressing Peach Carr (it seemed), from some sort of mom real estate agent into a youthful modern wintery look.  I kind of love.

Alexandria: Transforming Portlandia's losing look based on her dressing some form of lame Amy Winehouse, Alexandira tok it, and deconstructed it a little bit, make it a bit more pomo richy punk.  You guys, she just really hammered home my judgement of lame cyberpunk.  With a shitty fake mohawk and pigtails.

Cryface: Transforming Kate's What-the-hell-I-don't-even look, she made it look like a chic secretary. Meh.  It's a damn sight better, but its still meh.

Justin: Transforming his own foamy vagina look, he made a perfectly acceptable blak dress with a little touch of fabric.  I'm nonplussed as its a totally different dress with a helluva lot of new material.

Bradon: Transforming Sue's look of junky placemats, he makes a fetishistic rubber maid outfit?  I dunno.  The judges loved it, but I kept wanting to heat up the rubber to make it mold to the skin.  And the half panel of placemat in the front.  Not a fan.

Anyways, the judges are indecisive.  They know they want Bradon and Dom in the competition (as all of us do by this point), and can't decide who is worse between Alexandria, Cryface and Justin.  Our commenters also feel this pain.  So, nobody goes home, but because we have to have a competition in Episode 13, Alexandria, Cryface and Justin are all on the chopping block.  So, no real winner. No real loser. The show goes on.

Non-episode.

zzzzzzzzz

Stray observations:

- Heidi really likes sausages

- Heidi also sees the stupid cyberpunk aesthetic in Alexandria, and may be the only reason she didn't go home.

- I used to love Doggy Chow.

Project Runway S12 E11: "Next Generation..."

Alexander looking lost.

Phwoah.  I just...just...I'm speechless...almost.  I'll hint at the results with Tim's words of dismissal, "I have to tell you. I am quite shocked by this outcome."  And, I think that many of us here commenting on Project Runaways agree.  But, first...

Next Generation... is the dreaded-to-me, HP pattern making challenge.  This is the episode I always think is the most risky of all the episodes.  The first, and most obvious, hurdle is that making a good textile pattern is really hard.  Even as a graphic designer, one of the things I hate most is creating patterns that look good. It can be difficult, scale is hard to determine in larger formats, and what looks good on screen can look godawful in large.  There are a lot of graphic designers that agree with me (and there are others who completely excel at patterns). Scale is difficult. But, so is creating something that repeats nicely without looking cheap or student-y.

The other, less obvious, hurdle of this episode is the fabric.  It always looks like Project Runway uses one of the cheapest fabrics you can print on.  In the show, the print house that PR says they use is Dyenamix, a relatively high end custom print shop in New York.  One would suspect Dyenamix has a wide array of fabrics they could actually print on.  Silk, cotton, polyester, etc.  Nowadays, you can print with dye sublimation on a few different styles of fabric.  But, the fabric they use on Project Runway always looks like it has roughly the same texture as wet cardboard.

These two hurdles always perplex some of the designers on Project Runway.  Designers who hate patterns struggle, while some designers love patterns.  Even more than that, designers who haven't ever worked with stiff fabric struggle with the challenge, while those who know how to use a wider variety of fabrics survive.  One would think that, at this point, designers who have watched Project Runway would realize these two things and practice on textile creation, or with stiff as hell fabrics.  Alas, the same patterns repeat themselves.

As per usual, this is the HP challenge, and we're introduced to HP's new gigantic keyboardless computer.  It's kind of fug with a kickstand.  It's supposed to be a desktop separated from the desk, but that this looks far too gigantic to carry around the house.

We're also introduced to the inspiration - not clients or models, Tim says - for this challenge: innovators, the next generation.  These innovators range from a young female computer scientist (Kate's muse) to a BMX biker/mentor (Bradon's muse) to Miss USA (Justin's muse). Most of them are doing semi-altruistic projects, and then there's the cake maker (Alexander) and the artist (Helen).  Upon meeting the cake maker, Alexander foreshadows that he is worried about taking inspiration from a cake maker. "Especially coming from a costume designer, I could turn that and make it reeeaalllllyyy scary."  It should be noted that Alexander was not last to choose his inspiration (he was number 5).  Maybe he thought Thiago was hot.  I dunno.

I want to take a step out and highlight my favorite two entrepreneurs for various reasons.  Feel free to skip the next two non-vital paragraphs.  Feel free to comment on whatever in the comments.

The first entrepreneur I can't help but love is the 17-year-old girl coder.  As a former engineer (not computer science though), female geeks are close to my heart because they're rare (or, they were in the early '00s).  Female programmers have uphill battles from the surrounding geeks, many of whom are under-socialized and oversexualized.  There are whole hashtag movements in the tech world to inspire women to get into the tech industries despite the challenges.

The second is Miss USA.  Now, I'm sure she was a beauty pageant queen before she won in 2012, but I really like that she started a non-profit in African communities in 2006, a full 6 years before she won Miss USA.  That's really challenging the notions that Miss USA is just a beauty pageant where the looks is the best part of the queen.  Awesome.

Anyways, they go back and we have the usual challenges with the pattern making.  As a note on the following links: the Project Runway full dress site shows the fabric patterns in full size next to the dress.  So, I'm linking to the dresses both here at the fabric first looks and, again, at the dress analysis. They are the same links, so go for it.

Alexander creates the beginnings of a warm chocolatey print, but can't figure out the reflect tool, and so the curves and the chocolatey-ness spirals gets broken up by these hard lines in the repetition.  This is exactly what I fear with patterns.  It becomes less fluid, and more obvious...and it really doesn't work.

Helen creates a weird starry pattern that looks very disparate as a pure fabric pattern.  It's this weirdly hipstery twee starry pattern.  She bitches and cries and struggles when she sees the print, and has no idea on how to work it.

Dom creates this bold print of white, navy and pure magenta.  It is a cross between thick zebra and Keith Haring.  It's impossible to imagine, and it's kind of amazing yet awful.  I both love and hate it on the roll.

Bradon creates a plaid pattern that feels like the plaid that Eyebrows used in the modern southern challenge had sex with a deconstructed version of Mondrian.  It's city and dancy and...its gorgeous.

Kate makes...shit.  Baby blue shit.  I don't even know.

Justin makes a cool print that is like a demonic Rorschach test  I see devil horns where it is supposed to be I Love You.  Alexander sees aliens.  Justin sees x-rays.  I really really love the fabric, but you can go so wrong with it.  It's brooding and goth.  And, if you fight that darkness rather than embrace it, you're in trouble.

Alexandria makes the most boring print of this grey off-grey pattern that is like it got dirty.  This embodies Alexandria struggles as a designer.  She had this brown ugly pattern when she was meeting with her inspiration (some woman who rehabilitates places after disasters, or something).  Then it went into a faded grey dirty print.

By the time we get to Tim's critique, Helen is having a full-on breakdown.  But, the two worst are Alexander's chocolate-cake-inspired nunnery outfit and Kate's baby-blue what-the-fuck-I-don't-even. Alexander's look is already looking tortured in the fabric, like he's fighting the stiffness and losing, plus he chooses to use the white edges of the printed fabric to create this cross right in the middle of the chest. Kate is making some sort of blue southern retro thing with a shirt where she has inverted the hidden pleats and put them on the outside.  Tim reacts in horror to both.  Neither of them listen.

The designers continue with their work and the designers who listen to Tim actually manage to transform their outfits into something that works.  And the ones who ignore Tim suffer.  Then, before we know it, it's runway time.  The inspiration muses are going to sit with the designers, but then they get shuffled off before the judges hear whether they like the outfits.  They're not designers, clients or models...be gone, peasants!!!  The guest judge this week is Peter Som, who is actually one of the most insightful and witty guest judges I think I've seen this season.

The looks:

Bradon: He has an edgy as hell fabric.  Once he figured out that the fabric doesn't flow, he created a chic bomber jacket (which are supposed to be rather stiff) out of this modern print with a cyan lining.  Mind you, this fabric, used like this, also looks like it would make a high end carpet pattern, but I love it anyways.  The dress he makes below the bomber jacket is streetwise, simple, and chic as well.

Justin: Sooooo close, but so far.  I love LOVE the top of this dress.  LOVE.  I cannot express how much I love the corset of this dress.  But, then he didn't know what to do with the bottom.  He went with this pagenty-two layered grey-on-the-outside softly-draped dress that he basically glues to this hard-edge modern corset.  Then, he glues it on the outside, with a transparent fabric that only adheres to the bottom of the corset.  This bottom turns a lovely corset into a trainwreck.

Kate: What. The. Fuck. Kate.  Your first problem is your baby-blue wallpaper fabric that might be good in a hotel therapist office.  It has roses and some sort of hard lined busyness and then there is this dot pattern in the middle, and then there is a white line at every repetition, but the line does't meet, so there is a break right in the center.  Ugh.  And then, the dress comes out, and it's like this woman has air filters attached to her dress.  The top half of Kate's look was this baby blue top that is covered with dust that comes up to her neck.  In the end, this is a dress that has so many damned elements, none of which have anything to do with anything else.  It's schizo.  It's awful.

Alexander: In a race for the bottom with Kate, Alexander's dress looks like he fought with the fabric, and the fabric won.  It's tortured, and stiff.  It's crinkles and wrinkles.  He has this hideous cross that is going up to her neck.  And, the neck line is all the way past her shoulders, with long sleeves, looking like the dress is on backwards. But the back of the dress is wide open from the small strap going across the shoulder blades to the small of her back. And, really, the whole outfit was one big tortured look.  Did I say it was tortured?

Dom: In a fit of juxtaposition, we go from tortured to astounding.  It is completely reminiscent of Mondo's showstopper in his first runway (that Heidi would wear to the Black Swan premiere).  Only more street, urban, and cruder in the print (due to Dom not being a textile designer).  It looks like it was made from a stretch fabric, and the fit is impeccable rather than tortured. The fabric is stunning and the whole dress is edgy and young.

Alexandria: You guys, I think I've figured out Alexandria's aesthetic. It's like a bored cyberpunk aesthetic. The drop pants she was hooked on for a while were once popular in cyberpunk. The torn and ratty jacket with the bunchy asymmetrical neckline was once cyberpunky.  The black on black on grey monochrome is cyberpunky.  But, Alexandria always does it in a very boring and dull and depressive manner that.  This bland ripped outfit is no exception.

Helen: Dear readers, I hate this look.  I can see why people might like it.  It is a bit of old retro patriotic almost-costumey.  So help me, it's boring, and I hate the starry pattern.  The dress in ivory and white seem a little too classic.  The top is nice in its halter proportions, though.  But, the combination just don't work for me.  Feel free to argue.

Tonight, Heidi says "one...or more of you will be out."  Uh oh.  That's not good.  Dom wins the challenge.  I'm kind of surprised that Bradon didn't win it, because his look was amazing as well.  But, he gets an "amazing job" on his dismissal.  Since, this challenge didn't come with rewards, I'm fine with it.

Alexander is the first to go.  Goodbye Eyebrows.  I thought you might have had a chance, but this was a severe stumble.  And, really, your work hasn't been stunning enough to bring you back. All Heidi sees is tape and the cross.  And, its terrible.

But, then we get the surprise that Kate, who I think all of us had put in the front running, is eliminated.  Not unfairly, because that dress is fucking hideous.  Nina's first response, "Oh god..."  And then, "there are too many elements and none of them are working well."  Zac Posen, "There is so much wrong with this dress..."  Heidi: "It's ugly."  Peter Som: "It looks like she fell in a box of Kleenex."  Really, you can't say enough bad about this dress.  It's not boring, though.  But, it is a significant WTF moment and not in a good way.

So, now there are 5.  We're down to Justin (?!), Alexandria (?!), Dom, Bradon, and Helen.  It's not like Justin has been overlooked.  He was rescued and hasn't stepped up his game.  Alexandria is also just...ugh.  So, our final three are Dom, Bradon or Helen?  Or will one of them also fuck up hard enough to drop out?  Kate failing so hard was a surprise this week, so...that's where we're at readers.  I'm still mildly in shock.  Much like Tim.

Stray Observations
- "Just because your last name is Pope doesn't mean you have to make Priest costumes.  Just because my name is McDonald, I don't make dresses out of french fries." - Bradon on Alexander

- "You're stronger than this." = Stop crying, shut the fuck up, and do your damn work.

- "It's Courtney Love.  In a good way.  Not a cocaine way." Eh, Dom...Courtney Love = Heroin and probably Oxys.

- Ironic statement of the week: "It's bold. But then I like bold." - Alexandria

- Unfair statement of the week: "And, I really wish the print had continued on the dress  Because, there's nothing more fun than seeing a print dance on chiffon or georgette." - Zac Posen, as if the designers had that option.  Asshole.

- "Cake... When I think about cake...and the possibilities about cake..." - Heidi, who is obviously fantasizing, probably inappropriately, about eating cake.

- I just noticed that my DVR has been saying this is season 14.  All Stars messed up that numbering system...

Project Runway S12 E10: "Project Runway Superfan!"

If I were a superfan, I'd have some serious questions about showing up on Project Runway as a model. Especially if I wasn't 6'1, 110lbs with A- or B-cups.  That isn't because non-models can't be pretty.  It's because you know you have a better than even chance of ending up wearing something with an awful fit on national television.  It's because you have a decent chance of getting the designer who will bitch about your not being a coat hanger.  And, it's because you have to be kind of happy if the designer listens to you and then they end up on the bottom.  Oh, and if you're physically fit to skinny, you'll be in the top. But if you're not skinny, you are going to be in the bottom.

That being said, I'd be on Project Runway in a heartbeat, and the designer would have a fucking heart attack while I demanded a better fit.  And, could I have tear away clothes like the strippers from last season?

Yes, dear readers, this is the "real woman" challenge that all long time fans of Project Runway have come to love and dread, all at once. But, fortunately, this isn't random nice old women who have somehow been scammed by Project Runway.  Or, worse, the mothers or relatives of the other designers. This is a group of the afore-mentioned superfans, who have pre-conceived notions of how the show works.  Insult away!  Just kidding. Please don't insult the superfans.

When we first meet the superfans, they are arrive oohing and ahhing at everything, and taking more photos than an old lady on a tour bus. OH! They ARE on a tour bus. And then they get taken backstage and allowed to walk the runway and crawl around the sets nosing around and taking photos. They talk with Tim Gunn, and otherwise act like really adorably fun people.

And, after awhile, our superfans go into the workroom where the designers have NOT been chained to their desks.  I repeat the designers have not been lashed to their desk in order to while away their morning doing nothing more than twiddle their thumbs.  They're just sitting there, making odd comments about needing to randomly cut and sew some muslin because that's what they do for fun!  They even stand and walk away from their desks to greet the superfans in order to prove they haven't been chained there on a permanent basis.  

The superfans, as per usual for the "real woman" challenge come in ranges from boyishly skinny to curvy to already hot to plump.  ToKen gets stuck with one of the larger women, which already rang elimination bells in my head.  Alexandria has to do an interview suit for an art student.  Justin has to do a dress for a mormon who lost 130 lbs.  Eyebrows has to deal with another woman with curves who wants a SUIT.

Captain Sassypants bitches early in the episode off screen about having to design for non-models, which he's never done before. Everybody else is quite happy with their models, which is a really refreshing change of pace for Project Runway.  Sure they may not know how to dress the models properly (especially Ken), but they weren't as blatantly offensive as they have been in seasons past.  Probably because the producers were like "Shhhh, this is our viewing audience.  We're on LIFETIME! You gotta be nice."

The designers consult and sketch with the superfans, and then the superfans get to go to Mood.  Which is great because ToKen is designing in green for a girl who should not be wearing green. Match your skin tones bitches.  But, then ToKen gets a crappy green fabric because his model was super excited by it.  And, he also gets some other fugly pseudo-pleather fabric to go along with it. Elimination bells #2. Everybody else picks average fabrics.

The superfans are given hair consultations on day one for their New York vacations so they look stunning while in the big city.  Hey!  I need a hair consultation!  Instead of using that L'oreal stuff, can you use this manic panic hair dye?  Maybe we can go green!  No, don't faint! How about neon purple?  Gay rainbow?  Leopard Print!  And, bleach the shit out of my hair to dye it.  40 strength, so you don't burn the shit out of my scalp.  *sigh* *dreams*  I'd also like a pair of fashionable bleachers, I can bring my oxblood leather boots.  Old school punk is back, right?

Anyways, the designers start designing, and Alexander is the only one truly struggling because he agreed to a suit for his superfan. And, considering that the superfan isn't a model, that means that Alexander needs to have a shitton of room for a lot of alterations because he is probably making somewhat educated guesses.

After the workroom, the male designers have to consolidate rooms.  I hadn't noticed that this year they haven't been in plush cushy apartment suite accommodations, and were merely in a hotel with four single beds.  Lulz.  And, since they are now down to four male designers we're going down to one room.  And, so, after a long day of working and dealing with superfans, the designers have to pack up and move into a single room.  You know, because they didn't have time to do this in the morning while they were waiting for the superfans to finish up the tour, right?  

Captain Sassypants confesses that this angers Queen ToKen and he isn't about to put up with it.  He sets up his ironing board right in front of the front door, and starts ironing as the designers are starting to move in. Eyebrows, who is in the lead in the train of two, opens the door but has to wait for ToKen to finish his ironing of his jean short cutoffs?!!?  WTF?!  Who irons jean short cutoffs?  I mean, really...

Eyebrows gets pissed because at this point, he just wants to settle in and go to bed.  And Eyebrows knocks down the ironing board and iron.  Then, Ken starts pitching his biggest fit yet to the point where the talent supervisor comes in and pleads with him to calm the fuck down or else she's going to lose her job if he cuts a bitch.  Meanwhile Eyebrows and Dance Beard have ran back to their original room and locked the door.

The next day, Tim Gunn has a group sit down, as one would with 12 year olds.  Because, really, that was an 12 year old thing to do.  On all sides.  All the women except Helen are like, "really, dudes?  really?  Get the fuck out."  All the men and Helen are like "Sassy, stop being such a bitch."  The end result is that Captain Sassypants gets his own bedroom.  Elimination bells #3.

Back to the design.  ToKen makes some sort of hideous green dress that even he hates. Eyebrows struggles with time.  Justin makes a dress that has the woman's signature on it.  Awwww. Dance Beard goes leather.  Alexandria goes...well...Alexandria.  Everybody else is safeish.

And, then its time for hair and makeup.  There is a wide range of skin tones and dress designs that Handlebar Moustache Guy had to design for.  Some of the makeup is more naturalistic.  Some is more edgy.  It's a wide range of...bitch!!!  DON'T YOU BE HUGGING MY MAN! Get your hands off HMG, he's mine!  Justin, control your superfan, dammit.  No, really, if I was a superfan on Project Runway, I fear I'd be sexually harassing HMG during the makeup consultation in the worst ways possible, which I will refrain from detailing on here (you're welcome for that).

And, time for the runway show.  Which, Nina didn't even show up for!  Seriously, Project Runway?  I know Nina is busy and all, but you have a superfan episode, and Nina can't even be bothered to show up?  Anyways, her replacement is Zanna Roberts Rossi, new editor of Marie Claire and Joanna Cole's replacement (since she has left Marie Claire for Cosmo).  And the special guest judge is Erin Fetherston.

Justin: OK, he's dressing for a Mormon who is hiding extra skin from losing 130 lbs.  So, yeah, it's going to be a little boring.  But, it fits her well, and I really like the signature and the way it comes from the shoulder and down the middle.  It's tasteful, but I would have preferred this in an actual color (like the yellow in her before picture) because the top comes across as so flat on in black. Top three.

Dance Beard: The vest is amazing.  It looks like something that Joanna Coles would wear. Its military and butch.  It looks expensive, and its great in that leather.  The dress looks cheap.  It's a really nice simple black dress that Dance Beard kind of ruined with cheap shiny plastic strips haphazardly applied to the bottom.  Top three (for the vest alone, IMHO).

Eyebrows: Poor eyebrows.  He had the frame of a great suit with a giid fit.  From the back it is a really nice silhouette, and flatters her figure.  Then, it gets rough.  He added gigantic black flaps at the bottom which makes the whole thing start looking silly.  But, worse than that, he adds a black piece of something over one shoulder that looks like a burping rag for mothers of infants.  Not finishing is one thing, but those extra elements are whoa.  Bottom three (and probably could have gone home).

Dom: Safe, off the rack dress that looks really nice on her.model.  And a nice jacket.  It's just a really OK dress.

Kate: I love this look.  Those leggings are nice and slimming, and her top is so well proportioned that the leggings pairing doesn't make her look like Humpty Dumpty (which is a problem I have seen frequently, where the legs look out of proportion thin to the girl because of the black leggings and billowy top).  The top is stunning, even if it isn't in a color I'm not fond of.  And, it's safe.

ToKen: An ugly green simple outfit with graphic stripes that go across it in unflattering ways.  Especially the stripe that goes across one boob and makes everything look lopsided (Heidi was so right).  The two materials suck together. The model loves it, even as ToKen himself hates it.  ToKen goes home (thank God).

Alexandria: It's a boring design. The bulky military design of the front jacket doesn't match the clustered feminine back, nor do either of them match the summery skirt that's poking beneath it.  And then there's some sort of black cummerbund-like-thing.  It's really confused.  Yes, its an interview suit, but it looks confining and uncomfortable.  Bottom three.

Helen: Its a really nice runway dress.  She was the only one who went red carpet, and she had the time to do it too.  The bust looks especially nice, and the whole thing looks rather edgy and elegant. With a power hairstyle, this is the transformation of the show.  She wins.

So, in the end, ToKen's gone.  It wasn't for the dress, either.  I think Eyebrows' unfinished suit was god awful, even in the directions he was taking it.  That burping rag was hideous and unnecessary, and the jacket had those weird black things at the bottom of the front.  ToKen's was just averagely bad.  Though, his was more boring, which is the semi-rule of this season of Project Runway (though, I think Alexandria's was more boring).  Personally, I think that ToKen's temper had overstayed his welcome a few episodes ago.  His fights were no longer interesting or entertaining.

The final scene of Captain Sassypants was hilarity, though.  Alexandria: "I think you have a voice." Sassy: "Project Runway pushed me as far as I want to be pushed." Tim You're happy? Well, good.  Because I have to send you to the work room to clean up your space. Right now."  Then, Sassy hugs some of the designers, but walks right past Tim Gunn.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Sassy.  Good riddance.

Interesting coda that already happened: Captain Sassypants did not show a decoy show at New York Fashion Week.  Even though even London showed a decoy collection, Sassy apparently couldn't be bothered.  I haven't been able to find news on this absence, and I suspect PR won't make any announcement on it because then they would be acknowledging the presence of the decoy collections, which they haven't really done.  

Random notes:

- The stage manager looks like he may be kind of hot as well.  He's only seen in shadow, but he looks positively hunky.

- What the heck is with that skirt and top pairing that Heidi is wearing?  A beigy striped top with a floral spring print skirt?  It's, fortunately, not the kindergarten teacher alphabet sweater that Nina once wore, but it is a ?! moment.

- Alexander is delusional. "Did your model like it?" "She LOVED it."  [later in the close-ups] "The design looked a little different on screen. But, you know..."

- Best judge dance arounds: "But, you're a cool girl! You know, you want something maybe a little bit more...inspired."  "We think you're better than this dress."

- The two skinny real girls were indeed in the top, and one of them was the winner.  Way to break your stereotypes Project Runway!

- ZOMG, Alyssa Milano is hosting PR All Stars!  I think its a sign that I'm gay that my first thought was "the seductress Amy Fisher!"

- And, not in the advertisement for PR All Stars, Zanna Roberts Rossi is the new Joanna Coles as mentor.  She won't be a cold heartless woman who seems like she's coming in for 15 minutes.  But, Joanna will be missed.  I loved her, though I might be the only one.

- Fashion related sidenote: What was Chelsea Clinton wearing on tonight's The Daily Show?  It looked like the Theo Huxtable shirt that Denise made in that one episode of The Cosby Show.  Only in dress form.  Was anybody else bothered by this dress?

Project Runway S12 E09: "Let's Do Brunch"

OK guys, I'm lost in this episode.  The only times I ever went south of the Mason Dixon Line were when I visited my grandma in Florida as a high school teenager.  Everything I know about southern fashion I learned while watching Real Housewives of Atlanta, or Bad Boys II, which let's face it, probably is more-than-slightly skewed.  I just want to be up front about this because the judges' decisions for the top three completely baffled me.  But, I'm getting ahead of myself...

We first go to a Southern hipster restaurant in Portland Atlanta Williamsburg for a "southern-style" brunch.  Nothing says "southern" like being surrounded by gigantic prints of French art with ivy climbing all over the wall, and a restaurant called "Juliette." Its that neo-European-chateau style that has become popularized as promoting naturalistic old world charm.  So, it's just like being in the deep south with a modern woman, right?  At least they'll have mimosas, maybe?

Anyways, this is the Accessory Wall challenge, by which I mean Belk, which actually is a department store and not just an online retailer.  Huh.  The closest I have been to a Belk department store was when I drove through Missouri.  I said I'm going to have a problem with this challenge!  The challenge is to style for the modern southern woman, who is the common Belk customer.  My first thought was "airy with brightly colored prints that is loud or brassy and could possibly be tacky."  Tim's description, "She dresses vibrantly and expressively, and she is always fashionably put together.  She knows how to use accessories and she loves color, and anything with feminine details."  Dom and ToKen are from the south.  This location-based over-confidence is almost always the kiss of death, and always leads to the designer going for too respectful to avoid stereotypes or a design intended for their mother.

The designers then have to sketch and design for a modern southern woman while sitting in an old-world styled restaurant surrounded by French art in the middle of Hipsterville, NY.  Then they go to mood, where three designers choose plaid.  I don't quite know what could have possessed them to think of plaid.  Not in Hipsterville, NY.  Nope.  No idea.  And, then Kate chooses a fabric that looks like the 60s puked on a dress. Maybe up close it looks better, but on TV it looked like somebody sewed some weird Magic Eye stereogram pattern periodically on a hideous orange and then surrounded those patches with 2-dimensional dingle balls.  It's hideous. Helen has also been taken over by the 60s by choosing a yellow fabric, and a flower cut lace.  On the other side, Dom picks out this amazing black and white zebra-esque print that screams southern modern to me.

In the design room, the designers hear the designs will be made and sold by Belk.  This causes Alexandria to panic. Again. And, she designs something...um...what the fuck is that first print that she uses?  It's like this Navajo inspired pattern had sex with a houndstooth pattern, and then one of the competitors was jealous and poured bleach all over it.  Tim Gunn: "Hideous."

Also, Dom has a crisis moment thinking she's always been "safe" and needs to go "minimal."  By "minimal" she means "simplistic."  Dom, let me be honest with you.  Minimal is not "under-designed."  The yellow dress that Helen made, then subsequently ruined, with the flower print?  That's minimal.  It has shape without being structure or overt.  If you want to go minimal, think about what minimal means rather than under-designing it.  And, you can do a minimal dress in a pattern.  So, don't eschew your oh-so-southern pattern.  But, she does anyways.

The rest of the design time flies by, including the second day...and suddenly its Runway time.  And, we're only 40 minutes into this episode!  If you've watched the preview, you know why it is wrapping up early this week.  If not...you'll just have to wait. Our special guests are some chick host of some Lifetime

ToKen: A pageant-y, bridesmaids-y dress whose only innovation is the razorstrip back.  It really is not terrible. It is just soooo...booooorring.  SNOOOOZZZZEEEE.  You've made an every dress in a plum fabric. Congratulations.  How very modern southern of you.  Bottom three.

Helen: A sunny yellow tea-time dress with flower lace on it.  Its pretty.  It's a bit too long for its pattern.  It should be just above knee length and then it would be a great brunch dress.  The effect is like a modern version of those drinking glasses your grandmother used to have that were yellow with raised daisies on it that always got chipped. Alternately, the color and lace combo is young, and the lace is nicely patterned.  But, it's still modern retro.  Safe.

Justin: Its an orange brunch dress.  Its nicely draped.  The color is right on the money for its length.  It is. Safe.

Red Eyebrows: The first of the plaid trio.  I absolutely love this print.  This print is an edgy, young, gorgeous take on plaid that nobody else chose. And then Eyebrows turned it into an easy, messy, tablecloth-y dress.  There are sharp corners to the hem, and it flows nicely.  It has a wicked sense of humor, and I kind of like it despite its messiness. Top Three.

Alexandria: The second of the plaid trio.  I think I have a couple overshirts in this pattern.  I live in the Hipsterville of Seattle, you can all screw off with your judgments.  It's a boring fucking dress with a boring fucking print in dull wintery Northwestern colors. It's mis-shapen, too transparent, and ugly.  Safe (though I don't know why).

Dance Beard: The third of the plaid trio.  Hey!  I think I had a shirt in this print once before as well!  Its a better print than Alexandria's.  I really don't get this dress at all.  The top has mismatched panels, intentionally so.  The pattern doesn't match the bottom.  He has a flat board of fabric in several panels going down the front. And it hung flat on the body.  While the back billowed out.  I was really confused by this dress.  Apparently it was the "clear winner."

Dom: Honey, that is not a minimal dress.  For one, you have two fabrics competing with each other.  Especially at the shoulders, which are flared our with curls?  It's in a heavy looking solid fabric (which, to me, screams north).  And then with a slit in the dress, and a deep neck with three dart lines. And, from the back it is even more pageant-y with a full back and floor length skirt. No.  This was not "minimal." This was over-designed to try to look under-designed.  Maybe this is for your mom...but I couldn't see a modern woman in it. Bottom Three

Jeremy: I think you designed for Peach.  No, really, with the glasses and the hair, you styled it up for Peach. And I thought she used tgo have a penchant for jackets.  The floral print is kind of OK.  But, overall, you just went madame.  Your instincts are for older women.  That is not appreciated by the judges. Bottom Three

Kate: What. The. Fuck. I really don't get this dress.  At all.  No, at all.  The heavy shoulders. The colors. The print. The dingle balls. She minimized the Magic Eye stereogram portions to just touch the bottom of the dress, but the rest of it, I don't get at all.  It's eye-searingly ugly, and it looks like it it came out of some crazy designer's idea of the '60s. Top Three.

The judging was really kind this week.  Ken was bitter about plaid being loved this week.  And, his glares at Heidi were not unnoticed.  He was repressing so hard.  I wanted him to scream and pitch a fit about how no southern woman would wear plaid (as he's been railing on since the beginning of the episode).  But, he didn't. The other fun part was Heidi's disgust with Kate's dress.  I agree with her.  The best question she had about Kate's dress was to the Belk merchandiser "You think that somebody would actually buy this?!" EXACTLY!!

This week, we get a special treat, since everybody sucked this week.  We get the bottom three designers sent back to the work room to get one hour with an assistant designer to either modify their designs or create a whole new look.  So, runway looks again:

ToKen: So, you cut the dress to hoochie length and added a shoulder drape.  Oddly it kind of works, but he should have cut off the razorback.

Dom: She makes the dress everybody wanted in the first place.  It's hard to be harsh given what she did in 60 minutes.  The left boob is weirdly malformed.  But, the asymmetry is fascinating, the print is gorgeous, and the back is amazing.  She becomes second winner.

Jeremy: New dress. Its summery, with an interesting mix of prints...but in the most usual of construction. He loses.

So, Jeremy goes home for going to his older instincts.  Adrian would probably argue that because Jeremy can't pull himself out of his old lady mumsie instincts, he deserved to go home.  I argue that I think he has enough skill that he should have been saved here.

Stray observations:

- More things Captain Sassypants doesn't do: "Think about the Southern woman." and "Pay attention to anybody else in the South."

- Another thing Captain Sasspants doesn't do: Answer any questions that other designers ask of him.  Hypocritical bitch.

- "Do you need a hug?" "I need prayers!"

- Captain Sassypants' Mom: "Have you had that 'Other Side' come out yet?"  Apparently Captain Sassypants has had an anger rageoholic problem for long enough for his MOM to refer to it as "that other side".

- Dear HMG, I'm not a big fan of that fade you've got going on the sides of your moustache/beard.  It's kind of messy, but I dunno if I could take it seriously in "play time."  Then, again, I'm starting to suspect you're not a D, in which case I could trim it for you.  *evil laugh*

- "Out of the two of us, I think the right person went home, which was Jeremy." - Humble parting words from Captain Sassypants

- If you want further proof that some of the "confessionals" are recorded much later, check out the hot haircut Jeremy has in his goodbye confessional.

- Next week is the dreaded/expected "real woman" challenge.