|Just shut up and do your damn work!|
*huh* Wuh. Wut.
Oh yeah, Project Runway.
You guys, this is was the most unnecessary episode of Project Runway I think we've experienced. It's the final episode before we send people home to design for Fashion Week. We still have five designers, but anybody who has watched Project Runway for any length of time knows that we have to pretend like there is something of suspense in this episode. Like the stakes are really high, when the overall stakes of the next two episodes are "Whose outfits will we get to see on TV?"
To Project Runway's credit, they played down that tension. They know that we know that everybody at this point goes to Fashion Week. It worked like the first two seasons, but when one of the biggest fan sites has pictures of everybody's runway already up for a month, then you might as well give up the fakery.
So, what are the producers to do? Well, they saved the avant garde episode for last. Normally, the avant garde episode isn't the FINAL episode since many of the best avant garde challenges have been from team challenges (still fondly remembering Chris March and Christian Siriano's Season 3 look), but its a 2-day challenge this year, so yay for that.
We haven't had the L'oreal makeup challenge yet. So, that gets tossed into the mix.
And, the last bit of challenge (at this point) is that they're inspired by...butterflies. I guess this is because of some sort of butterfly mascara. Billy B is L'oreal's rep. His words of wisdom? "Be inspired." Thanks, Billy. Alexandria is attracted to a dark butterfly. Justin is attracted to an "outsider" butterfly that kind of looks like a moth. Dom expresses enthusiasm for being able to go wild with color and inspiration. Helen is going to be "Lux as Hell."
Once we get out of Mood, however, we get the best 5 minutes that I think Project Runway has ever had. Now that's we're down to 5 designers, we get to spend time with the designers learning their process. Justin goes into detail on his piping and sewing to make this incredibly intricate look of ropes. He explains how he has to make each and every pipe and sew it into a pattern. And, then Bradon, who spent his time watching butterflies, is inspired to make noodles, but he doesn't know why. He's being driven by divinity.
L'oreal comes in and does makeup consulting with Billy B. I miss Handlebar Moustache Guy in this sequence. HMG, you're amazing. There is also a special focus on nails. No, Nomi Malone, not your murder nails. No, Nomi...that's a bad Nomi!!! Shouldn't you be on Dancing with the Stars? Maybe you can do mine sometime? /sorry
Tim comes in and does his critiques. This episode really shows Tim's strength as a consultant. I really couldn't see much of the final dresses in any of the forms at this point. The only thing that I could see was that Cryface is making a cheap Halloween costume, and Tim calls her out for it. Cryface breaks down again. Bradon echoes the audience, "drama drama drama." Tim is like, "stop crying every episode." Dom is like "stop crying!!!" Cryface's model is like "stop fucking crying, or I'm not getting my goddamn spread!!" Oh, and Alexandria's look is another dark goth cyberpunk deconstructed dress. Zzzzzz.
Oh, wait...there's another challenge? What? Producers, were you bored? Did you actually have scheduling conflicts with the judges? Regardless of the reasons, we get a day 3, and a second challenge. Anyways...Because butterflies are transformative, then the designers have to transform their ex-fellow designers' losing looks into a new look. You know, its not bad enough for the losers to have lost...they have to see what other designers will do with their losing look. Now, turn the knife to the right.
Justin chooses his own dress. I have to wonder if Justin was told to choose his look. Sort of like, "dude. You've not impressed us since your save. How about impressing us by revamping your losing look?" Nothing else of note was chosen.
At some point, mid-afternoon, Alexandria calls home to some camp. You can tell it's mid-afternoon by how bright the window is. But, the storyline chooses to push this to end of the night when Alexandria is having a breakdown. zzzzzzzzzz.
Makeup, nails and hair time. Random dreams about fashion week blahblahblah...and then its runway show! Guest judge is Emmy Rossum.
Dom: It's like the Paris version of "I threw a jacket over my PJs." I really love the jacket, and it feels very edgy and sweet. The sweatpants jumpsuit look...its OK. It's better on its own. But, the jacket is to die for.
Alexandria: Goth, deconstructed cyberpunk complete with silver hair on a black woman. Jesus. It's like Halle Berry from Swordfish stole out of Catwoman's closet to go to a blood rave in Blade.
Cryface: OK, I know that Tim Gunn said he liked carrots at the beginning of the episode, but you didn't need to make a carrot. OK, that was a bit of a potshot. The dress is like a fall fashion look. I think it was unfair for the judges to compain about the orange, because I quite like the orange and think it went well on the model. It was a nice dress, but I dunno if it was avant garde.
Justin: A total Monet. The rope effect is nice from far away, but up close it's a big ole mess. From afar it has great lines. From up close, its like a mop. And the jacket was good, but over that dress it made the model look pregnant.
Braden: Stellar. As soon as I saw what he did, I thought it looked amazing. Like Zac, I've never seen anything like it. It's brave, bold, experimental, and not ugly. It's not costume, but it toes the line between costume and art.
Dom: Transforming London's look which was based on him dressing Peach Carr (it seemed), from some sort of mom real estate agent into a youthful modern wintery look. I kind of love.
Alexandria: Transforming Portlandia's losing look based on her dressing some form of lame Amy Winehouse, Alexandira tok it, and deconstructed it a little bit, make it a bit more pomo richy punk. You guys, she just really hammered home my judgement of lame cyberpunk. With a shitty fake mohawk and pigtails.
Cryface: Transforming Kate's What-the-hell-I-don't-even look, she made it look like a chic secretary. Meh. It's a damn sight better, but its still meh.
Justin: Transforming his own foamy vagina look, he made a perfectly acceptable blak dress with a little touch of fabric. I'm nonplussed as its a totally different dress with a helluva lot of new material.
Bradon: Transforming Sue's look of junky placemats, he makes a fetishistic rubber maid outfit? I dunno. The judges loved it, but I kept wanting to heat up the rubber to make it mold to the skin. And the half panel of placemat in the front. Not a fan.
Anyways, the judges are indecisive. They know they want Bradon and Dom in the competition (as all of us do by this point), and can't decide who is worse between Alexandria, Cryface and Justin. Our commenters also feel this pain. So, nobody goes home, but because we have to have a competition in Episode 13, Alexandria, Cryface and Justin are all on the chopping block. So, no real winner. No real loser. The show goes on.
- Heidi really likes sausages
- Heidi also sees the stupid cyberpunk aesthetic in Alexandria, and may be the only reason she didn't go home.
- I used to love Doggy Chow.