Project Runway: S14 E9 "Make it Sell"

And then there were six. They were the right six at least, though I still miss my ginger teddy bear from the first episode. But given what we've seen in these last few weeks since most of the dead weight has been cut from the show, can anyone truly deny that these are the best six contestants this season has to offer? I don't think you can, but I also think that that says more about the talent level of this season than it does about the contestants as a whole. Because after this episode, I'm also left wondering if we've ever seen such a lackluster challenge to determine the top six. And that statement is as much an indictment of what came down the runway as it is of the challenge itself.

Everything opens up on something about school and learning and a classroom setup. The challenge is to create a look that's inspired by one of the "personas" of a Just Fab shopper. Now I'll be the first to admit I've never been on the Just Fab site, but are we really supposed to believe that all those feminine stereotypes shops there. I say stereotypes, but I think I should also point out that I've never heard of "Femme Nouveau" before and think they made that up. But my main question about this segment of the episode is Why? Why the classroom setup? Why the blackboard? Why the stupid hints about classroom stuff and all the confessionals about how much the designers hate school? What did any of this have to do with the actual challenge? If the designers had been contracted to design a new school uniform for some stupid New York prep school, that'd be fine. But otherwise it's stupid and pointless and took me out of that portion of the episode.

Moving on. Candice won last week and has immunity and gets to pick which stereotype she wants to design for. Kelly talks about how much she wants Trendy, then Candice picks Trendy off the bat, and Kelly's world ends. Candice, as last weeks winner, also gets to pick stereotypes for all the other designers. This happened last season too with Sandy picking everyone's fabrics in the "A Suitable Twist" episode. You can check back and see that I bemoaned the decision as being unfair to the other designers and offering Sandy a ridiculous advantage. That was my first thought when I heard them doing it again here, but I relented a bit for a couple reasons. First, I think there's a huge difference between choosing a vague stereotype to design for and choosing specific fabric to design with. Second, at the top seven, everyone left should be able to design something nice for each of those stereotypes; it's not the same as doing this for 13 contestants as they did last year. Not to mention at 13, the designers still don't know each other well enough to know who'd do well with what fabric whereas at seven Candice is better able to choose something based on who she knows her fellow designers to be. And that's just what she does. There's no shady attempt to sabotage anyone, she legitimately picks things she thinks her competitors can do well and would maybe even pick for themselves.

Kelly get's Trendy like she wants, so there's a crisis averted. Swapnil and Edmond get Bombshell. Ashley gets Girl Next Door, Laurie gets Modern Classic, and Merline gets the made up Femme Nouveau. Everyone except Merline and Edmond seem to be pretty happy with their assignments, and I think that's a testament to Candice's good job at picking for them. So no complaints there.

The looks are to be produced and sold on Just Fab, so they have to be inexpensive, and thusly everyone has $100 to spend at Mood. It's the third (or fourth?) trip to Mood this season, and we don't even get to see Swatch, so I don't feel the need to comment on it really except to say that Ashley buys some of the ugliest fabric on this side of creation. She doesn't even seem all the jazzed about it in the first place but somehow resigned to using it. There's still time, she can keep shopping and find something else that works, but instead she settles. I felt like there was a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy at work here whereby she'd pick a fabric that she didn't like and that way she could justify being in the bottom by blaming the fabric, and then she could sure up her continued feelings of worthlessness and not deserving to be here. Which, by the time you've made it all the way to the top seven, should really not be an issue anymore. I know it's easier said than done to just develop a sense of worth over a couple weeks, but still. At the very least, pick a fabric you like and if you go home on something you believe in, all the better.

But I digress. Back to the workroom where people work and get some things done before Tim comes in. Edmond's chosen a fabric that he loves, and that I love too I might add, but he can't figure out what to do with it and hot to get it to bunch and drape the way he wants. Tim let's him have it for not encompassing his stereotype more. Swapnil already has his dress done by the time Tim comes in, and it's about as Bombshell as it can be. Leopard print, tight and short with an open back, and available in just about every store with a Hooker-Chic section that has ever existed. Tim calls him out for not producing something unique and then chides him when Swapnil says he gave 200% last challenge and was only safe. Tim seems to think that Swapnil didn't give that much effort and stands to give more. Which...I don't know. On the one hand, sure; it's a mentor's job to push you and to see more in you than you maybe see in yourself. On the other hand, who are you to tell someone else that they didn't give the effort they think they did? Is this based on something Tim saw that we didn't see, or is it only based on the final product that Swapnil sent down the runway last week? A final product that was, I think, better than the judges seemed to think it was. Either way, questions about Swapnil's effort level continue into this week, and it's a storyline I think we're all tired of.

Tim doesn't really like much of anything he sees except for Kelly's look which is my least favorite at this point, but I think there's an interesting dichotomy setup here that I'd like to talk about, and it's between Edmond and Laurie. Laurie has an idea at the start of everything and she buys fabric to support that idea. Tim doesn't really like where she's going, but she tends to stick to her guns a bit. We've seen this from her before, and some of the other designers have talked about how she doesn't take critique all that well. Similarly, Edmond has an idea, and sets out to achieve it, but is criticized by Tim as well. They both move forward a bit only to find their looks truly crashing around the time the models come in for their fitting. Edmond still can't get his dress to do what he wants it to, and Laurie can't get the fabric to fit right on her top. This is where the two of them diverge. Edmond has a small amount of a second fabric and he decides to scrap his first idea and just go with making a little red dress. Meanwhile, Laurie flaps in the breeze unsure about what to do next. She ends up borrowing some organza from Candice and throwing a new top together slapdash. They're two totally different designers: Edmond has an idea, it doesn't work, and he scraps it for something else, something better, and creates a new look in hours. Laurie has an idea and holds on to it for dear life and when it fails, she's stuck and lost without being able to come up with something new. Neither approach should work; how many times have we seen designers in the past scrap a look after Tim's visit only to go home for the quickly slapped together outfit they sent down the runway? But that's not the case here, and hasn't been the case for Edmond all season, but for more on that let's head to the runway.

The Runway:

Swapnil: A few weeks ago when I was clamoring for Swapnil to get his first win, I never thought I’d be saying this, but I’m ready for him to go home. This half assing it each week thing simply isn’t going to cut it. I find this look boring. The shawl, which EVERYONE told him to ditch, keeps it from being “Bombshell” to me. The gold butt tassel thing is weird. I don’t like the odd bunched up fit around the neck. I don’t hate the back, but I don’t like it either.

Kelly: No one in their right mind would be caught dead in that vest. I hate it. Other than that, the rest of the look is OK. It certainly screams her, so there’s that. The problem with the pants is I keep thinking about the pants Edmond made last challenge and how perfect they were in every way, and these don’t measure up to those, so it’s a distraction. I also don’t like the print, but I do understand that there are people who would, so that’s just subjective. I don’t think the whole look is horrible, but it’s also not my favorite. 

Merline: Oh dear God. The fit of the top is horrible. The back of the top is all loose and poorly fitted and an eyesore. And whatever she had in mind for the skirt was a total failure. Bad bad bad.

Candice: I hate the the second layer to the skirt. I hate the way it looks tacked on at the last minute. She had a vision and I respect that, but the skirt doesn’t work for me. The good things about this look are that 1) I can at least see how this could all be something people would be interested in, so it embodies Trendsetter more than Kelly’s does. 2) I really like the rest of the outfit. I think the top is really adorable.

Ashley: I’ll admit I’ve never been on Just Fab’s website, so I don’t know anything about their particular aesthetic, but something about this outfit does seem like what I would expect to find on there at least. I still hate the fabric for the two pieces under the jacket, but I do like those two pieces, and I do like all three of the pieces together. 

Laurie: She lost the bra and just left her model’s tits all out again. It’s not a horrible look except that two challenges in a row she’s sent an exposed model down the runway, and it's boring. I like the fabric on the skirt, and I wish she could have made it work on the top too, or at least bought a supplemental fabric to use. The neckline is the worst part about it to me. 

Edmond: YES YES YES YES YES!!!! The lacing detail is perfect. I can’t tell on the runway itself, but he did that on the back too right? If so then the biggest problem with this look is that he didn’t style his model in a way that would have shown that off, and he should have because it really makes the dress for me. But to know that he pulled this off in the amount of time he did, and it actually screams bombshell, really sells me on this look. Easily my favorite of the night. 

So given their two approaches, Edmond succeeds in creating something great, and Laurie fails, as mirrored in the two of them winning and losing the challenge respectively. The judges aren't unanimously in love or hate with any of the looks, and I think some part of that has to do with Ciara (who honestly isn't relevant anymore, is she?) being there and offering her pointless and lukewarm responses to everyone, but her tastes also seem to align more with Heidi's, which I'm sure throws everything off a bit. Without Heidi being outvoted by cooler heads like Nina and Zac, things can get out of hand.

Zac makes the same point about Candice's skirt that I made saying it's just poorly placed, which made me think maybe if it had been moved up a couple inches, I'd have liked it more. Nina doesn't like the over sized lapels, but I think they're a nice touch. Either way they're split. They don't like the fabric Ashley chose for her top and skirt, but they do love the jacket, they hate the vest Kelly made, but like the rest of it mostly, they think Swapnil did too much and they hate the shawl, and they love Edmond's look except for Zac who thinks it's not innovative enough. So many mixed reviews and most of them negative. Though the biggest complaint for everyone is that their looks aren't actually producible or sellable for Just Fab. The only things that could be put on the site and sold right now are Edmond's and Ashley's outfits. So on top of no one producing anything that's all that great, they also didn't follow the confines of the challenge. 

Again I'm left to ask what's up with the casting this season? Is this the worst and most scattered top seven we've ever seen? And are they also the least talented? It sucks to think so, but this entire thing was a bit of a cluster fuck of an episode. I never really thought that this show required big personalities to shine, but now I'm starting to think differently. In the mad dash to the finish, I find myself no longer really in love with anyone left. 

Loose Thread:

--There's a twist to this challenge that the designers have to create a label for themselves and print it out on a shirt to wear and explain on the runway. It has NOTHING at all to do with the looks they're creating for their models. It doesn't have to go with or compliment those looks in anyway, it doesn't have to even take all that much time to create and the printer does all the hard work. In other words it serves no point or purpose of any kind beyond being a plug for the printer itself. It's also probably important for the looks that do get put up on the web somehow, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of the episode. Project Runway isn't even trying anymore, and it's sad. 

Project Runway: S13 E9: "American Girl Doll"

When you watch Reality TV, you should inevitably grow to like or hate some of the contestants. It's down to the editing, to who they are as people, to how talented they are or aren't, and any number of other nebulous factors. I think this can bring out the best and worst in us as people, which is the point. It's the same way those of us who are sports fans engage with sports. You develop attachments to teams and a deep passionate hatred of other teams; generally teams that tend to beat your team. All of that is just my long drawn out way of saying that Sandy going home this week made me indecently happy. I almost feel bad about this fact, but not quite. And if that makes me a bad person (and I fully recognize that it does), then oh well.

Before we get into the episode, allow me to say that Sandy is by no means the worst person we've seen on Project Runway. After all of the anger and yelling we had last season, I actually welcome her particular brand of annoyance. I found the way I hated her to be rather soothing to be honest. But with that being said, I still hated her. And after 9 episodes, I finally put my finger on the main reason why: It isn't just about the fact that I don't like her aesthetic and don't think she deserved the wins the judges gave her early on, it's mostly that I find her to be ridiculously entitled in a fashion that I will always find problematic. Specific examples to follow, but first let's get down to business.

This week, the designers are taken to an American Girl Doll store where they all fall into panic attacks over how creepy dolls are. Or maybe that was just me... But dolls are freaking creepy. And the fact that these dolls (which I had never even heard about prior to this challenge) all have elaborate and often depressing back stories didn't help my unease at all. I was just waiting to hear about the little Native American doll who had to watch her mother be brutalized by the White Man and who's father died of small pox. But the creepy surrogate children only serve as inspiration for the real challenge which is to design a modern look for a real live girl. And I like that because my favorite PR challenges always are Real Women, or Menswear, or just something that isn't about standard "design something for your model to wear" challenges, and "design for kids" is right up that alley.

The designers are also randomly assigned dolls (inspiration) and children (models) this week, which is great since it eliminates the possible sadness of a kid being left out. I think that that's the hardest part of any of their real women challenges: Schoolyard pick just isn't the way to go for these types of things, and I'm happy to think that after 13 seasons, the producers have finally learned that.

After a little chat, some background on their doll's depressing stories, and getting their new models' measurements, it's off to Mood. This is where we get the first glimpse of Sandy's overblown sense of entitlement. Korina is getting fabric cut by one of the peasants that work at Mood when Sandy walks up and puts in her own fabric order. Korina points out that she was in the middle of telling the young lady what she wanted to get cut and Sandy just shrugs it off with an "I know, I just want to tell her what I want and go off to get more things" kind of reasoning. I find this problematic on multiple levels. First off, you don't interrupt someone else. Sandy could have just as easily taken her fabric with her and come back to have it cut at a moment when no one was busy engaging the young lady in her services. She could have gotten in line behind Korina, or anything other than jump ahead of her. I'm also bothered by the manner in which her actions reduce this employee to nothing more than a servant who has to take her order and have it done by the time she returns. It's a part of the lady's job, but anyone who's worked retail knows that that can feel dehumanizing in a lot of ways. And all of it speaks to Sandy's general sense of "What I want or feel as though I deserve is paramount." She says something in a confessional about Korina just never liking her from the start, and I'm left thinking that that might have something to do with the fact that she's a selfish and entitled little brat. But who knows.

Back in the workroom, everyone gets to work, and Kini is of course super fast with everything. If/when he makes it to the finale, I'm assuming he'll be one of those annoying designers who has his entire collection finished before Tim shows up for his visit. Tim pops in and starts dishing advice like its no one's business. He tells Sean that he likes his look but he should probably kill the idea for the fringe on the back of the vest. Sean heeds his advice. He also tells Char he's not a fan of the fringe on her dress. Char doesn't listen. Project Runway history tells us that the contestant who listens to Tim is safe or in the top 3 and the contestant who doesn't is in the bottom. So we'll get back to that.

Tim also tells Sandy what we've all been thinking for weeks and weeks now: He doesn't understand her aesthetic and doesn't understand why the judges like it so damn much. Sandy, with a blank look on her face that might rival Alexander's, basically shrugs it off as nonsense and keeps doing what she wants because she believes in herself. And when you believe in yourself, no one else's opinion matters, right guys? .....Guys?.....

I also want to take the time out to mention that Tim tells Korina he thinks her look might be a bit too grown up and Korina responds with a kind of "But you know how kids are these days, Tim!" statement. I found this hilarious because earlier in the episode she admitted she wouldn't know the difference between a 5 year old and a 15 year old. So clearly she's grown a lot in her understanding of children over the course of a few hours. Good on you, Korina.

The day ends and everyone goes to bed. The producers do a lot of fancy cutting here. A lot of the designers appear to be talking smack about Sandy and her response to the critique she got from Tim. Meanwhile, in her own room with Emily, Sandy is having a breakdown about how mean people are to her. But here's the thing, if anyone had been mean to her during this challenge, I didn't see it. Did I miss it? Did the producers edit it out? Or is it just another false freakout by Sandy? The second of the season I might remind you. I'm inclined to believe the latter. The designers don't like Sandy, that much is certainly obvious in a number of ways, but I don't think anyone in the workroom is actively mean to her. And while she's freaking out, she mentions over and over again how much she feels like the designers don't give her the respect and kindness she "deserves." So again we go back to this point about her somehow feeling entitled to some ridiculous level of respect and going to pieces when she feels like she isn't getting it. I'm over it. When someone yells at you and insults your mama, then you can cry and be a baby on screen. You can't go to pieces because a designer pointed out that it's rude of you to try and jump in front of her in line at Mood.

Next day! After waking up feeling reset and back to herself (not sure that's a good thing, but whatever), Sandy and everyone else head back to the workroom. Sean decides that what's missing from his look is a peace sign on the back and he quickly adds one...kind of. It's a peace sign that's missing one of the little legs on the bottom. But I'll give him a pass because he's handsome. You don't have to be smart, honey, just pretty.

Off to the runway. Elizabeth Moss is guest judging and since I want to be Peggy Olsen when I grow up, that makes me so happy! She's cute as a button! And smart! And she actually isn't afraid to give a less than positive critique which I always love in a guest judge.

Korina: Cute if a little boring. It’s a kid’s dress so I don’t want to be too critical, but I do think the silhouette is a little simple and boring. But I appreciate the amount of work I know went into it, so I give it a thumbs up.

Sean: This is way more boring than Korina’s. I think it’s well constructed, but wow, I’m falling asleep over here. I expect more from him.

Amanda: Ok here’s the deal, the textile on the dress hurts my eyes a little bit, but I do agree with her that the dress and the jacket match perfectly and I think this is really cute. I love it in spite of myself.

Alexander: I like it more than I expected. I don’t think there’s much Design to it, but I feel that way about much of what we’re seeing today. I like his prints together, and I think it’s cute.

Char: This is the look, so far, that I think has the most “Design” to it. And I like it for that reason. I also think there’s something about it that reads as being a little costumey, but that’s just me.

Sandy: Ugliest thing we’ve ever seen on the runway? Because that’s what I’m going with. That was just a no. God I hate it so much!

Kini: His point that the dress looks like an American Girl dress is spot on. It’s what I like the most about it. It’s well made and designed to be sure. It might be too “grown up” but I honestly didn’t have a problem with that. I like it a lot. 

Emily: I think I want to like this more than I actually do. I like her aesthetic a lot, and I love the dress, but the crocheted top looks off to me. It looks backwards for some reason, and the two pieces don't really appear to go together. 

 Korina, Kini, and Char are in the top; Sandy, Sean, and Emily are in the bottom. So Sean followed Tim's advice and found himself in the bottom while Char did her own thing and was finally in the top. I'm just going to leave that observation there for you guys. As expected, the judging skews a lot towards how fun and youthful the looks are or aren't. One thing I really loved about the judging this week, aside from the fact that I actually agreed with all of it, was when the judges got to Korina; you could really tell that she put a lot of thought into the dress. The peaks of yellow under the squares, and why it was yellow and why she put it there was really ingenious when you hear her explain it. Also, someone, I think it was Zac, points out that Char's dress is a costume that translates into real life very well. Like it could be worn in the same spirit as the kid who wears a superman cape to school, and I agree with that fully. 

A lot of people point out that Sandy's look isn't age appropriate at all, and she says over and over again that she hears them but doesn't agree. Here's the thing, I think there's a fine line between not taking criticism well and believing in your design. I don't know where that line is, but I feel like Sandy crossed over it this go around. I don't know if that isn't just because I hate her, but either way I left this critique feeling like she simply wasn't willing to admit that a viewpoint other than her's is capable of also being valid. I think this also has to do with her response to Tim's critique and her statements last week about not wanting to be compared to another designer. As established in the comments of the last recap, I didn't hear those comments when they were made in the last episode, so I'd love to hear how some of you guys felt about Sandy's responses in this week's episode when viewed through the lens of her comments last week. 

Kini gets his second win, and this time its a win that can be free of the stigma of having to share it with anyone else, so good on him. He's also inducted into the double win club, which might not mean much this season as Korina's the only designer with only one win. This brings up something I was thinking about a few days ago: over the course of 9 episodes, we've only had 5 different designers pick up wins. I haven't complained about the judging lately because I do feel like it's finally evened out to the point we were expecting earlier on in the season. But do we feel like the lack of distribution of the wins this season is due to bad judging or due to a lack of evenly distributed talent? While I can admit that I don't think Amanda or Sandy deserved either of the wins they got, I also don't think any of the designers who've gone home thus far deserved wins either. Maybe Fade, but I'd have to go back and look at all of his designs to be sure. And as we get closer to the end, the gulf between the designers talent wise seems to be growing. At this point, I think we can all recognize that Char, Alexander, and Emily are just hanging around and waiting to be sent packing. And none of those eliminations will feel shocking when they come. My point being, maybe it's time to look back and re-categorize our opinions on those early episodes? Maybe the judges weren't trolling so much as seeing something the rest of us were just missing until now?  I don't have the answers to that one, but in the mean time I'll just be happy that my least favorite designer has been sent packing. Smooth sailing from here on out, guys. 

Thought Facsimiles:

--At some point during Tim's visit to the workroom, Alexander gives us another blank deer in the headlights look. Never change, Alexander. Never change. 

--There was a lot of focus on Sean this episode that made me really worried he'd be going home. I was so ready to just have an entire writeup that read "Fuck this shit!" but luckily didn't have to resort to that. He reminds me a lot of my handsome British husband from last season: He's not really capable of being safe. He's either winning or he's in the bottom. So hopefully there's less being in the bottom from him going forward. 

--I think it was Char who said that there weren't many curves on a child's body and that made designing for children difficult. I was left thinking, "As opposed to your full figured and curvacious models?"

--News Flash: Amanda, queen of fringe, loves Char’s fringe vest. Show of hands who’s surprised by that?

--Has anyone seen our erstwhile leader around lately? Julius, where are ya, buddy?  I don't have a problem writing up every week (really I'm having the time of my life and not at all interested in giving up the task), but I certainly miss you in the comments.

Under the Gunn S1 E9: "Trouble in the Lounge"

You know you're in for a Very Special Episode when the title of the episode doesn't even reference the challenge. With a title like Trouble in the Lounge, one might think that we're going to some sort of bad girl bar, and the challenge is to make evening lounge wear that borders slutty. Or, maybe a biker leather challenge. But, really, today's challenge has nothing to do with trouble, and it would have to be a fancy lounge.

Yes, dear readers, this is a huge drama episode. And, it actually centers around a designer. We're also back to a Nick-heavy episode. But, surprisingly, it isn't a Nick vs Designer episode. So, it's a new formula!  We're all about new forms of storytelling within the given formula here, as long as it works.

But I get ahead of myself. Thanks episode title. The challenge this week is the periodic day to evening outfit. The outfit has to transform on the runway, in front of the judges. It's all because ladies are fickle as all hell women like choices. If you expect them to be able to choose between scents to decorate their house, how do you expect them to commit to a look for day and evening? I keed. Everybody knows that it is really convenient to go from the office straight to dinner to the theater when you get off work at 5, the theater starts at 7, and your home is an hour (round trip) out of the way.

The designers start sketching, and as they start sketching EVERYBODY starts bitching. Bitching about who? They're all bitching about Natalia. In case you don't remember, last week Natalia had that really interesting weaving thing, while both Michelle and Stephanie (the bottom two) had neon plastic things, where the former was trashy 80s acid raver, and the latter was so completely unfinished. I guess people liked Stephanie over Natalia, on a personal level. Suddenly, all the other designers (except Oscar), and both Mondo and Anya start to gang up against Natalia. They're bitching because they thing that Nick is giving Natalia far too much help and is way too handsy.

Mind you, Nick opens the episode by reinforcing everybody else's opinions. He starts by giving tips and ideas to both Oscar and Natalia, and also spending extra time with Natalia to help her through her emotional battles. The editors chose to make a victim narrative out of Natalia for this episode from the first frame. To me, it seemed to come out of nowhere, but maybe I'm missing something. Natalia seems like a frenetic girl but she doesn't seem mean to anybody. If we're making a hard working but emotional person who doesn't sabotage anybody else into either a victim or a villain, you know we're stretching for plot.

Of course, Natalia breaks down by the first break, in part because the editor has edited all of the people to be angry at her. If you know anything about microaggressions, they do add up. But, they add up especially if 85% of the people in your area are angry at you because they felt you should have gone home.

This is also a Nick's Growth episode that seems like a repeat storyline. Early in the episode he's telling Oscar to make a shirt dress with snaps and how to make it transform. But, by the end of the episode (at least in front of Tim), he's asking the designers to edit themselves. Didn't he already have this revelation? Hasn't he said "OMG, I should really trust my designers?" Namely, in the team episode. How many times can he have this revelation??

Anyways, we actually get some comparison with both Mondo and Anya. Both of them are attempting to disengage from the designers, and not tell their designers that their ideas are shit. They haven't quite figured out how to critique ideas constructively. Anya's critiques are "You might want to reconsider the pants." Or "This would look really boring in black." Mondo's critiques are "finish it off. Super clean." "Back up a little and just let it be more organic." Instead of challenging their designer's concepts, several of which are extremely hideous, they're content to just give tips on finishing. And, in Mondo's case, moral support.

They don't pull a Joanna Coles and say "this outfit is going to look like its a 70s throwback." Or, "That first silhouette looks like a sack and the second look looks like a straitjacket." Even on day 2, when Shan has a too wide cummerbund wraparound, Anya asks "what can we do about that?" without actually making a comment as to why it looks so bad.

There has to be a balance. I know that you're supposed to be playing team captain, but you need to be really really critical sometimes when the designers are going down a wrong road. This is part of being a good leader. Knowing when to encourage, and when you need to yank the wheel to the left.

Through many tears and indifferences, we actually make it to the runway, somehow. Today's special guest is Macklemore...who...ugh. Yeah, yeah, I know...he made a song about gay marriage that was radio friendly and blah blah blah, but I have strong negative fee fees about him that don't belong here. And, why can't we ever get Ryan Lewis? He seems to be the less douchey of the two.

Team Anya

• Shen: The whole outfit and idea is simple but cute. However, that cummerbund seems slightly off in its proportions, in part because I really don't like that fabric. My mom used to have suits like that in the 90s, which I guess are coming back in, but it never was a good fabric. For the night look, I can't tell if the cummerbund comes completely off or if it ties back around. Imagine having a big ol bump of fabric lumped in your back if you're sitting in a theater?  Maybe it's not that bad. But, I loved the zipper skirt idea. Suggested criticism: "That fabric is recalling Talbot from the 90s, use sparingly."
• Blake: This is so 70s, when we're all about reclaiming the 90s (I think? Are we still in the 80s?). Anyways, the bell bottom pants are recockulous in how exagerrated the bottoms are. Then, for night time, the model keeps the super long vest which went kind of well with the pants, but now re-emphasizes how short the cocktail dress is. And, really, that's the problem with his concept in the first place. To have a cocktail's dress worth of fabric in your pants, you'd have to be shoving fabric half way down your legs! It's a good idea that is impossible to do. It would have been better with a longer shirt and a pencil skirt. Suggested criticism: "Your dress is skewing 70s with the bell bottom and the fabric choices. Update for the '10s."

Team Nick

• Natalia: The first look is nice and winter warm for a cold day at the office, especially for some of you people who really like their areas cranked up into the 80s and 90s in the middle of winter. This looks nice and cozy warm for that cold office that you have to heat with a space heater. The finishing of how the knit wool lays on the dress is unfinished, but not in a distracting way. That the knit turns into a handbag (WHAT?!) is strange and bizarre and I'd love it, except where does she put her other purse? And, does her new purse actually hold anything? The dress beneath is kind of off-the-rack but its also fresh and sporty.
• Oscar: I dunno you guys. I kind of don't like this look. The two front slits for the daytime are a bit trampy high for office wear. And, with the black cape, the outfit is rather boring. But, when she flips the cape, all of a sudden its really trashy Real Housewives ugly.

Team Mondo

• Asha: No. The extra padding on the jacket adds like 30 pounds to a woman's body, and made this super thin model look pregnant. It's asymmetrical, and unbalanced. And, it serves no purpose as the jacket doesn't turn inside out or do any weird tricks. The skirt is OK in the day, but when it flips for night, (which is the only transformation that I can tell), it looks like she hiked her skirt up to use the bathroom and her slip is on the outside. Suggested criticism: "What's with all this extra padding? You made a model look pregnant. Do you know how hard that is??"
• Michelle: The daytime look seems like it was inspired by California beachwear, except in a drab palette. It's like a sad grey sack from the front with a brown poopy back. But then the even look is worse since she creates a pseudo harness with these pieces of fabric and string that hang down, making it look like she's got her sweatshirt tied around her waist. It completely doesn't work from either perspective. Suggested criticism: "That's a snoozefest. Do something to liven it up because your color selection needs help."
• Sam: I really love the evening dress because it is so easy and fresh. But, the daytime jacket makes it seem like she's wearing a smock, and I can't get over how high on the collar and boxy it is. Plus, the colors clash. Suggested criticism: "That looks like a smock."

In the end, Michelle goes home because we needed to even out the teams (cynical much?). Oscar wins because...I don't know. Today's runway was kind of full of ugly today. We've had much much better day to evening transformation challenges, and this was kind of an all around fail. 

The episode doesn't end there! After the judging, everybody is bitter that Natalia not only didn't lose, but was in the top. They think that Nick was helping too much, and it has been too late in the game. While I tend to agree with this reasoning, the problem is that the judges (except for Tim) don't actually see this work manipulation process. In the end, it just comes off like really bitter sour grapes.

Stray observations:

• Mondo's hair shirt is back. Yay?
• What the hell is up with Mondo's appropriation of the late 80s hip hop style with the cap, chunky gold chain and sweater?  I guess that it isn't being used at the moment, but its so fucking hipster and crass, it makes me want to slap him silly. It seems fitting that Mondo's appropriation trumped Macklemore's.
• Speaking of Macklemore, he really didn't have much to add this episode, did he?
• The way Mondo and Anya ganged up on Nick was really patently unfair. Saying "I think your designer sucks" is not a valid criticism. Sorry, assholes. Then, mocking him for saying your attitude sucks just adds to your mean girls attitude. Blah. I wonder if the producers pushed them into it because it seems rather unlike Mondo otherwise.

Project Runway S12 E09: "Let's Do Brunch"

OK guys, I'm lost in this episode.  The only times I ever went south of the Mason Dixon Line were when I visited my grandma in Florida as a high school teenager.  Everything I know about southern fashion I learned while watching Real Housewives of Atlanta, or Bad Boys II, which let's face it, probably is more-than-slightly skewed.  I just want to be up front about this because the judges' decisions for the top three completely baffled me.  But, I'm getting ahead of myself...

We first go to a Southern hipster restaurant in Portland Atlanta Williamsburg for a "southern-style" brunch.  Nothing says "southern" like being surrounded by gigantic prints of French art with ivy climbing all over the wall, and a restaurant called "Juliette." Its that neo-European-chateau style that has become popularized as promoting naturalistic old world charm.  So, it's just like being in the deep south with a modern woman, right?  At least they'll have mimosas, maybe?

Anyways, this is the Accessory Wall challenge, by which I mean Belk, which actually is a department store and not just an online retailer.  Huh.  The closest I have been to a Belk department store was when I drove through Missouri.  I said I'm going to have a problem with this challenge!  The challenge is to style for the modern southern woman, who is the common Belk customer.  My first thought was "airy with brightly colored prints that is loud or brassy and could possibly be tacky."  Tim's description, "She dresses vibrantly and expressively, and she is always fashionably put together.  She knows how to use accessories and she loves color, and anything with feminine details."  Dom and ToKen are from the south.  This location-based over-confidence is almost always the kiss of death, and always leads to the designer going for too respectful to avoid stereotypes or a design intended for their mother.

The designers then have to sketch and design for a modern southern woman while sitting in an old-world styled restaurant surrounded by French art in the middle of Hipsterville, NY.  Then they go to mood, where three designers choose plaid.  I don't quite know what could have possessed them to think of plaid.  Not in Hipsterville, NY.  Nope.  No idea.  And, then Kate chooses a fabric that looks like the 60s puked on a dress. Maybe up close it looks better, but on TV it looked like somebody sewed some weird Magic Eye stereogram pattern periodically on a hideous orange and then surrounded those patches with 2-dimensional dingle balls.  It's hideous. Helen has also been taken over by the 60s by choosing a yellow fabric, and a flower cut lace.  On the other side, Dom picks out this amazing black and white zebra-esque print that screams southern modern to me.

In the design room, the designers hear the designs will be made and sold by Belk.  This causes Alexandria to panic. Again. And, she designs something...um...what the fuck is that first print that she uses?  It's like this Navajo inspired pattern had sex with a houndstooth pattern, and then one of the competitors was jealous and poured bleach all over it.  Tim Gunn: "Hideous."

Also, Dom has a crisis moment thinking she's always been "safe" and needs to go "minimal."  By "minimal" she means "simplistic."  Dom, let me be honest with you.  Minimal is not "under-designed."  The yellow dress that Helen made, then subsequently ruined, with the flower print?  That's minimal.  It has shape without being structure or overt.  If you want to go minimal, think about what minimal means rather than under-designing it.  And, you can do a minimal dress in a pattern.  So, don't eschew your oh-so-southern pattern.  But, she does anyways.

The rest of the design time flies by, including the second day...and suddenly its Runway time.  And, we're only 40 minutes into this episode!  If you've watched the preview, you know why it is wrapping up early this week.  If not...you'll just have to wait. Our special guests are some chick host of some Lifetime

ToKen: A pageant-y, bridesmaids-y dress whose only innovation is the razorstrip back.  It really is not terrible. It is just soooo...booooorring.  SNOOOOZZZZEEEE.  You've made an every dress in a plum fabric. Congratulations.  How very modern southern of you.  Bottom three.

Helen: A sunny yellow tea-time dress with flower lace on it.  Its pretty.  It's a bit too long for its pattern.  It should be just above knee length and then it would be a great brunch dress.  The effect is like a modern version of those drinking glasses your grandmother used to have that were yellow with raised daisies on it that always got chipped. Alternately, the color and lace combo is young, and the lace is nicely patterned.  But, it's still modern retro.  Safe.

Justin: Its an orange brunch dress.  Its nicely draped.  The color is right on the money for its length.  It is. Safe.

Red Eyebrows: The first of the plaid trio.  I absolutely love this print.  This print is an edgy, young, gorgeous take on plaid that nobody else chose. And then Eyebrows turned it into an easy, messy, tablecloth-y dress.  There are sharp corners to the hem, and it flows nicely.  It has a wicked sense of humor, and I kind of like it despite its messiness. Top Three.

Alexandria: The second of the plaid trio.  I think I have a couple overshirts in this pattern.  I live in the Hipsterville of Seattle, you can all screw off with your judgments.  It's a boring fucking dress with a boring fucking print in dull wintery Northwestern colors. It's mis-shapen, too transparent, and ugly.  Safe (though I don't know why).

Dance Beard: The third of the plaid trio.  Hey!  I think I had a shirt in this print once before as well!  Its a better print than Alexandria's.  I really don't get this dress at all.  The top has mismatched panels, intentionally so.  The pattern doesn't match the bottom.  He has a flat board of fabric in several panels going down the front. And it hung flat on the body.  While the back billowed out.  I was really confused by this dress.  Apparently it was the "clear winner."

Dom: Honey, that is not a minimal dress.  For one, you have two fabrics competing with each other.  Especially at the shoulders, which are flared our with curls?  It's in a heavy looking solid fabric (which, to me, screams north).  And then with a slit in the dress, and a deep neck with three dart lines. And, from the back it is even more pageant-y with a full back and floor length skirt. No.  This was not "minimal." This was over-designed to try to look under-designed.  Maybe this is for your mom...but I couldn't see a modern woman in it. Bottom Three

Jeremy: I think you designed for Peach.  No, really, with the glasses and the hair, you styled it up for Peach. And I thought she used tgo have a penchant for jackets.  The floral print is kind of OK.  But, overall, you just went madame.  Your instincts are for older women.  That is not appreciated by the judges. Bottom Three

Kate: What. The. Fuck. I really don't get this dress.  At all.  No, at all.  The heavy shoulders. The colors. The print. The dingle balls. She minimized the Magic Eye stereogram portions to just touch the bottom of the dress, but the rest of it, I don't get at all.  It's eye-searingly ugly, and it looks like it it came out of some crazy designer's idea of the '60s. Top Three.

The judging was really kind this week.  Ken was bitter about plaid being loved this week.  And, his glares at Heidi were not unnoticed.  He was repressing so hard.  I wanted him to scream and pitch a fit about how no southern woman would wear plaid (as he's been railing on since the beginning of the episode).  But, he didn't. The other fun part was Heidi's disgust with Kate's dress.  I agree with her.  The best question she had about Kate's dress was to the Belk merchandiser "You think that somebody would actually buy this?!" EXACTLY!!

This week, we get a special treat, since everybody sucked this week.  We get the bottom three designers sent back to the work room to get one hour with an assistant designer to either modify their designs or create a whole new look.  So, runway looks again:

ToKen: So, you cut the dress to hoochie length and added a shoulder drape.  Oddly it kind of works, but he should have cut off the razorback.

Dom: She makes the dress everybody wanted in the first place.  It's hard to be harsh given what she did in 60 minutes.  The left boob is weirdly malformed.  But, the asymmetry is fascinating, the print is gorgeous, and the back is amazing.  She becomes second winner.

Jeremy: New dress. Its summery, with an interesting mix of prints...but in the most usual of construction. He loses.

So, Jeremy goes home for going to his older instincts.  Adrian would probably argue that because Jeremy can't pull himself out of his old lady mumsie instincts, he deserved to go home.  I argue that I think he has enough skill that he should have been saved here.

Stray observations:

- More things Captain Sassypants doesn't do: "Think about the Southern woman." and "Pay attention to anybody else in the South."

- Another thing Captain Sasspants doesn't do: Answer any questions that other designers ask of him.  Hypocritical bitch.

- "Do you need a hug?" "I need prayers!"

- Captain Sassypants' Mom: "Have you had that 'Other Side' come out yet?"  Apparently Captain Sassypants has had an anger rageoholic problem for long enough for his MOM to refer to it as "that other side".

- Dear HMG, I'm not a big fan of that fade you've got going on the sides of your moustache/beard.  It's kind of messy, but I dunno if I could take it seriously in "play time."  Then, again, I'm starting to suspect you're not a D, in which case I could trim it for you.  *evil laugh*

- "Out of the two of us, I think the right person went home, which was Jeremy." - Humble parting words from Captain Sassypants

- If you want further proof that some of the "confessionals" are recorded much later, check out the hot haircut Jeremy has in his goodbye confessional.

- Next week is the dreaded/expected "real woman" challenge.