Project Runway Junior: S1 E7 "#OOTD"

I complained last week that PR JR chose the wrong episode to air after a hiatus. I stand by that observation more than ever after this week's episode. Because this week epitomizes what I think is brilliant about this show while also serving to raise the stakes even higher. It's those stakes, honestly high already, that have been the main selling point for PR JR thus far. I've mentioned multiple times before that the biggest difference between this show and it's adult predecessor is the manner in which everything feels heightened. We can feel more astutely for these kids than we tend to for the more jaded and cynical adults on the other show. Someone goes home here each week, and each week there are tears both by the person going home and by those they're leaving behind. This is because this competition just seems to matter more and to carry so much more weight than the other one.

This week, the kids meet Tim and Aya at Mood to get ready for the Seventeen Magazine challenge. They're tasked with going out into the streets of New York and talk to people whose outfit inspires them to create their own editorial look fit for a spread in Seventeen Magazine. Obviously, the winning look will be featured in the magazine at some point. The hard part, of course, is getting jaded New Yorkers to talk to you. There was something fun about seeing the kids run around the streets trying, failing, and succeeding at talking to people. It was also a lot of fun to listen to their line of questioning to people they talked to. Finding out what factors were considered in the making of the decision on what to wear, and drawing inspiration from that was really fun to watch.

Samantha and Maya show themselves as best prepared to handle that aspect of the challenge. The edit shows each of them finding someone who's look inspires them and who is willing to talk to them almost right off. For Samantha, it's this manual laborer who's wearing stained and well worn cargo pants. The pants are clearly utilitarian in nature with pockets all over them, but Samantha sees beauty in them, and I can't blame her. Maya talks to a couple women in multi-layered looks, each of whom is heading to work. She quickly decides on a kind of new style look dedicated to someone who works in a non-traditional kind of office.

Jaxson, with his adorable nerdish outlook and mannerisms, doesn't fare too well. He finds women with styles he's interested in, but the edit focuses on how many people ignore him and walk right by before he finally finds someone who will agree to stop and hear him out. When he does finally find someone, he's impressed by the sleeves of her jacket, but he doesn't seem to have the same kind of fire and passion as the others do.

Back at Mood, Jaxson picks a faux fur and a loud yellow neoprene fabric. When Tim sees the two of them together, he urges Jaxson to get a supplemental plain white fabric just to be on the safe side. Meanwhile, Zachary has this idea to use necktie fabric to make his top, and it's something that sounds bold and interesting.

The workroom goes about as you'd expect. Some of them know what they're doing and get right to work, a few people scratch looks and start all over. Jaxson sees that his fur simply doesn't want to cooperate with his ideas and is thanking the gods that Tim convinced him to get the other fabric.

Tim comes in and is concerned for Jaxson's ideas, Peytie's pants, Zach's entire look, and how mature Zachary's look is for what is meant to be the Seventeen Magazine challenge. He's not wrong about that, but that's also too bad because I thought Zachary's look on the dressform was truly breathtaking. After seeing just how much Peytie and Jaxson are struggling with their fabric selection, Tim decides to open up Mini Mood for 15 minutes for anyone who wants it. They're the only two that do, but it's still a great decision that's made in the interest of ensuring these kids get to find their best selves in all of this instead of simply focusing on the competition of it all. PR JR is about so much more than the competition.

Peytie grabs everything she can get her hands on in an effort to find something better for her pants, while Jaxson looks specifically for something that will go well with his yellow fabric. They both leave Mini Mood feeling confident in their selections.

The Runway:

Maya: Love love love this! It moves, it’s classy, but also urban and unconventional. I think it captured exactly what she was going for, and I find it wonderfully editorial. I haven’t looked at a Seventeen magazine in…oh….ever. But my gut says this is more Marie Claire than Seventeen. I’m willing to be wrong though, because I love it.

Zachary: I think he figured this out wonderfully well. The openness of the top and the peak at the sport’s bra underneath is youthful and sexy to me, but still sophisticated. And I find the skirt to be intelligent and innovative in a way that I come to expect from him. His first look was great, but it wasn’t young enough, and somehow he figured out how to lose the aged elements of it without losing himself. I love it. 

Jaxson: I do not dislike this. I would say, like we said about Maya’s look last week, that it’s fine. I find it simple and a bit easy, though I do see a bit of innovation in the shape and construction of the jacket. I want to see the dress without the jacket on. And I think that the colors aren’t a match made in heaven, but I do think they go together better than Jaxson feels as though they do. At least I don’t think they clash. But yeah, I think it’s a little too simple and muted for this stage of the competition. 

Peytie: I didn’t hate the pants until the model turned around and I saw how wrinkled and bunched up they were. Yikes. It is totally just a fabric fail on these because the cut and design of them really is nice. It’s a better look with a better fabric choice for the pants. I like the top. 

Zach: I don’t care for this and I’m not 100% sure why. The colors work, the outfit is simple enough, but there’s something about it that I just don’t care for. Something about the cut of it says Sailor Costume to me, and I’m not sure what. Either way, not my fav. 

Samantha: OK this is the first look from Samantha in a long time that I’ve been head over heels for. She had a plan and she executed it perfectly. It’s smart and edgy, and it’s totally her without having to create yet another oversized coat. I can see her inspiration, but she wasn’t trapped or too beholden to that inspiration, so she still created something all her own. I respect this a lot.

Maya and Samantha are in the top while Jaxson and Zach are in the bottom. The judges are pretty split on both Peytie and Zachary, making the two of them safe in my mind. Aya points out that Jaxson tends to have a lot of ideas, but rarely does he execute them well. His dress is plain, and no one really seems to think it goes well with his dress. Hannah goes so far as to say that he appears to have dressed two different girls, and Christian says his girl looks like she might have gotten dressed in the dark. 

With Zach, they simply don't seem to think he maximized his potential with this challenge. They can't seem to place who his girl is or where she's going. And when Christian questions whether or not he thinks this is his best work, Zach seems to crumple and admits that it's not and apologizes for it. It's a moment made all the more touching when you remember that he's the guy who was dancing with his model on the runway in just the last challenge. Zach admits that he thought too much about trying to make the look young and lost himself in the process. Aya points out that his looks already have a youthfulness to them and all he needed to do was put his best self forward in the looks. 

On the other side of things,  both Maya and Samantha are praised for how well thought out their looks are. Maya's story about women going to work resonates with the judges a lot, while Samantha's ability to feminize cargo shorts is universally appreciated. Christian does, however, echo my sentiments towards Samantha when he says that he wants to see something like a dress from her so as to know that she can do more as well. At least she didn't do another oversized-coat this time around, but he still wants to know that she can do more too. 

It's the result that makes this episode such a standout moment in the season. The judges' closer looks and deliberation makes it clear that the winner is between Samantha and Maya and the choice of who's going home is between Jaxson and Zach. So when it's announced that both Maya and Samantha are getting the win, I think it should have been obvious that both Jaxson and Zach were going home. And yet somehow, I was still surprised by it. It's not the way these things ever really tend to happen. And given how hard it is each time they have to say good bye to someone, you never expect them to compound the issue by sending two people home when they don't have to. 

I thought at first that it might be a ploy to get Tim to save one of them, but then I thought about how horribly awkward it might be for Tim to go into the greenroom and tell one of these two that he was using his save on him while the other went home. And if there's one thing PR JR has excelled at, it's not putting these kids in horribly awkward situations. So indeed both Jaxson and Zach go home. And it's a strange choice when you think about it. Maya and Samantha both winning makes sense, they both deserved it. But Zach won the previous challenge while Zach saw his second consecutive challenge in the bottom. But on the other hand, in the face of Samantha, Maya and Zachary, do I think Zach had what it takes to win it all? Of course not. So in that sense, how upset can I be that Zach got sent home maybe one week earlier than he otherwise might have? The results of this episode are shocking, but I don't know that I disagree with them. There's a kind of cruel efficiency here, but one thing is for sure, the emotions of the good byes were well earned and strongly felt all around. And then there were four. 

Loose Threads:

--Hannah mentions in this episode that they'd two challenges away from choosing who will be in the finale. I think, if my math is right, that that should have meant they were planning on having 4 people show at NYFW. But I'm wondering if this seemingly unplanned double elimination means they'll just have three kids in the finale? Though that also could have been the plan all along, so who knows. 

--I like Peytie, and I especially enjoyed her critique this episode when the judges acknowledged that her aesthetic seems to have matured over the course of the competition. But with the consistent strength of Zachary and Maya, and Samantha's recent resurgence, it's hard for me to imagine she'll make it past this up coming week. 

--I've got to say, I'm very curious to see what the finale on this show looks like. I can't imagine they're going to send these kids home to make collections. But I wouldn't be surprised if they stuck around and maybe gave them a few days to make a collection. I'm guessing not a full ten looks, but who knows. 

--Kelly about Zachary's look: “You looked at the modern day business man and turned that into a chic beautiful woman.” I'm surprised the judges still didn't think this look was young enough. I guess some part of that is that they didn't see the first look he'd created; because with that in mind, I can't see how anyone would think this look was too old. 

Project Runway: S14 E7 "Haute Tech Couture"

I said last week that I thought Project Runway was in the midst of a change or some kind of identity
crisis. This is mostly due to the odd choices they are making on a week to week basis. It's not that the show is bad, and at a certain point in time, I should probably stop pointing that out. It seems like I might be trying to convince myself of this truth more so than convince the rest of you, but I also think it's true. In the past, we've seen this show be really bad, and it looks very different from this when it is. The right people are still going home from week to week, and there's no Sandy here racking up unearned wins. The judging's been consistent, and the fact that they've locked in Zac and Nina on each week is for the better. But there's seriously something odd about the small things they're doing here, or is it just me?

For example: this week the designers wake up and find an old school boombox in their rooms with a cassette tape from Heidi featuring a recorded message. The message is basically congratulating them on figuring out how to work this ancient machine, and then dropping a cryptic hint about what their challenge is. Why? What purpose does this serve? What follows is a short moment of speculation from the designers about what their challenge might be, but then they all just leave and immediately head out to find out what their challenge is.

Allow me to digress here for a bit onto one of my very very favorite topics ever. In the fourth Harry Potter book, Harry and the other Champions in the Triwizard Tournament are given golden eggs which contain hints about their second task in the tournament. The champions are tasked with figuring out the clue, solving the riddle, and then creating a plan of attack for the next task. They have months to do so, and presumably the quicker you can figure out what the next challenge is, the more prepared and better served you'll be to tackle it. So in this case you can see how the early cryptic clue is meant to work: it challenges the Champions' mental faculties to figure out what it means in the first place, and then gives them time to come up with a plan of action. To get back onto the topic of Project Runway, when have we ever seen the cryptic message from Heidi prior to a challenge have that kind of effect? The contestants get it, and then moments later are told outright what their challenge is. So what's the point of it at all? At this point the show is just doing it because they've always done it, and that's not a reason to do anything.

So they all meet at the dump and Tim tells them they're going to use outdated technology from the dumpster to create a modern and fashionable look. It's simple and straight forward and everything before this moment was a waste of time. I know that PR doesn't think time is valuable, but I certainly think that my time is valuable, so maybe don't waste it?

Added into the odd, but maybe not detrimental, choices is that while everyone's running around to get their supplies, the producers decided it'd be cute to put up these odd and ugly 90s inspired flash words naming the outdated supplies they were rifling through. Words like "Floppy Disk!" and "Vinyl Records!" It's like the "Bam!" and "Pow!" flashes from an old Batman show, and it serves no purpose. Is it the worst thing ever? No. But what purpose does it serve other than being an ugly distraction?

The overall feeling of these last two episodes in one of the producers being out of ideas. They're trying to throw stuff at the wall to see what sticks, and they're failing. Last week, it seemed like they thought asking the designers to create a bra and panty set would be just the most scandalous and dramatic thing ever in and of itself, but when they didn't get the desired effect they kind of said, Oh shit, and then panicked a bit. The sad thing about it this week is that the episode actually opens with a nice bit of natural drama. The team wakes up and debriefs about Blake leaving, and Jake is conspicuously absent. It's a prime moment for a sit down about how he feels having made it through the cut while Blake didn't, but we don't hear from or see him at all. He's there when they head to get their supplies, but he's in the background mostly and seems a bit despondent, but while everyone else gets confessional moments about where they are and what they're doing, the man from the bottom two last week doesn't get a moment.

The designers get back to the workroom and spend what seems like an inordinate amount of time working before Tim comes in to just remind them of the rules, and remind them of what's expected from an unconventional materials challenge, and that's when Jake speaks up for the first time and asks Tim for meeting. Turns out his dog is in bad shape and will need to be put down. As a result of that, he feels the need to go home and spend these last moments with him. I might be biased as a serious dog lover, but I think this is totally the right choice to make. Project Runway is a big deal and a great opportunity, but it's not worth missing last moments with a loved one. Had Jake come out and been like "I miss my boyfriend, and want to go home!" I would have rolled my eyes and moved on. This is a perfectly reasonable reason to back out of the competition to me, and it's a very emotional and important moment with grander implications for the competition. This is the better and more naturally dramatic point of the episode, and could have created a bit more of an emotional center for things if they'd used it as such.

But the thing is it's fleeting at best. It's one quick moment and then it's done, it's not touched on or talked about again until we get to the runway. On the one hand, the editors and producers of this show have to work with what they're given. Jake's exit comes at a moment when everyone's too focused on the challenge to really engage with it, and perhaps he wasn't the most loved contestant to begin with, so even if he had left after finishing half of a look, they still wouldn't have talked about it too much. Either way, I was left thinking it didn't get the attention it deserved.

Tim comes in and is mostly impressed with where everyone's going. Ashley spends time talking about what she's done to the pictures she found and what she's thinking about doing with them, and I was left thinking that she might honestly be a genius. The closest thing to this that I think we've seen in awhile was Sean's rainway dress from last season. It was well thought out and if it's as well executed, it could be a wow moment. It won't be quite the jaw drop that Sean's look was, but it bespeaks the same level of thought, innovation, and creativity that that look did.

The interesting thing about Tim Gunn visits on unconventional challenges is that so much of what's going on will depend on final execution. He tells Lindsey that he likes the fact that they can see the type on the keyboard buttons she's using for her top, but that's not an early critique on her look, just this one aspect of it because that's all he's got so far. When you look at something like what Joseph and Candice are doing, it's easy to say you're impressed with their ideas and the direction they're going in, but it all will depend on the final execution. We'll circle back around to that.

It's at this point that the episode takes an odd turn though as Swapnil gets the strangest edit we've seen in awhile. After he finally figures out how to make his cord and wire do what he wants it to do, he doesn't do a damn thing for the rest of the episode. He takes a bunch of smoke breaks, dance breaks, food breaks, and just generally spends time goofing off, but he doesn't do anything at all in an effort to create a skirt. It doesn't seem like he's lacking for ideas on a skirt, but it seems like he's lacking for any desire to go about creating one at all. He mentions to one of the other contestants that his strategy thus far has been to just be safe each week, then get into the top, and then end out on a string of wins. There's two ways to look at this: 1) if he hasn't been giving his top effort in hopes of just being safe lately, and yet he's been in the top so many weeks in a row, just imagine how great he'll be when he really turns it on! 2) If he hasn't been giving his top effort so far, then is he actually taking any of this seriously, and if not then why should he stick around?

Jake leaves this episode because of some serious personal trauma he has to deal with, but the whole time you can see how tough it is for him to choose to leave this great opportunity. Meantime, Swpnil seems to think this is all fun and games. It's an odd disconnect for a contestant to have, and it left me wondering if he wasn't getting a loser's edit early on. In the end, he paints some stuff on a piece of muslin for the skirt and rests on his well constructed top to carry the look.

The day ends with no one really having anything finished, and then the morning of the runway sees a lot of people working to finish, but without the usual frantic energy that comes from this point in the challenge. Everyone's just kind of walking around languidly, and for all of their talk about how unfinished they are, no one at all seems to have a fire under their ass to complete their looks. It added to the odd discordant note of the entire episode. I don't know who to blame for this, but it all just felt off. On to the runway.

The Runway:

Swapnil: Is it pretty? Sure. But does the skirt look like he haphazardly painted all over some muslin? Yes. Does that detract from the entire look? I’m not sure. There’s so much work that went into the top that I think you can give him a pass on the bottom, but still. It’s a nearly perfect look if only he could have dedicated enough time and attention to both pieces.

Edmond: Not going to lie: I love it. I really like how controlled but random the keys on the bottom are. For it to look more thought out and symmetrical on top and then just go into that pattern on the skirt is pretty brilliant. And that plunging neck is super sexy. 

Lindsey: Boring, and the skirt is hideous.

Candice: I question the construction. And the hardest thing for these unconventional material challenges is to get any kind of movement whatsoever, and she fails in that. But are the cords or whatever she used well placed? Yes. And that creates a look and a textile that really works and I appreciate. It’s not great, but it certainly looks like her, and it’s not boring, so that’s good. 

Laurie: I want to like this so much, and there’s a lot about it that I do like. I like the top, and I like the little peak of skin between the top and the skirt, but that cummerbund looking waistline is horrible and I hate it so very much that it makes me hate the entire look. I don’t know what she should have done differently with that, but she seriously should have done something different! Yikes!

Kelly: Love it! This is wearable right now, and I can see a real life woman who'd love to wear it. The way she put those pieces together to give that look such a texture is really amazing. It's not just the metallic sheen of it all, which is also great, it's really the texture of it that makes it look really well thought out and wonderfully executed.

Merline: This is another one that I want to like more than I actually do. I think it’s honestly just the flat color that I don’t care for. The shape of it I’m ok with, but I think the flat black of it all just doesn’t really work for me. I think the color scheme of the runway so far has been a lot of blue and black, and this is a look that also could have used a bit of the blue as accents. 

Joseph: My initial thought was that it’s the youngest and sexist thing he’s done so far, but the skirt was too long. But then I looked closer and saw where it fell on the model and I realized it isn’t too long, it’s that it makes her body look weird. I think maybe in separates or with some way to break it up around her tummy instead of just that one long piece would have been better? Or maybe just break up the pattern around there somehow. Either way, the continuous kind of just blue and black stripe all the way down made it look oddly proportioned to me. 

Ashley: I don’t want to downplay this at all. I think she did a great job of creating a print out of the pictures. And I certainly think that it’s cute and fun and kind of flirty, so I like all of that. But I also think it looks like she just glued a bunch of  pictures onto a muslin base. She thought a lot about where and how to glue them, so that’s good, but in the face of what Edmond or Laurie or even Joseph did in creating an actual dress out of their materials, it doesn't stand out quiet as much as it could. I love it, and I think it shows her brilliance and proves just how much she deserves to be here, but I'd like to see her push herself in the construction of it all just a bit more. 

Ashley, Kelly, and Edmond are tops, Joseph, Lindsey, and Swapnil are bottoms. Joseph and Lindsey are ripped for being boring while Swapnil is ripped for being lazy and not putting forth any effort. During the closer look at the clothes, Zac goes on and on about how upset Swapnil's lack of effort makes him. He sounds almost offended that he's here if he isn't even going to try. No mention about the multiple top three appearances aside from the judges talking about this being the reason why he hasn't won one yet. To his credit, when he's criticized and asked if he didn't have enough time to finish the skirt, he owns up to the fact that everyone had the same amount of time and put down some great looking outfits, so he won't make that excuse. While his lack of effort annoys me as well, his lack of making excuses and his ability to still say all the right things is something I continue to appreciate about him. He's got to step it up if he's going to stick around though; he's been exposed and he's on the judge's radar for the wrong reasons now. 

Ashley, Kelly, and Edmond are all praised for the reasons you'd assume. Ashley is brought to tears on the runway, which is moving but also kind of her go to at this point so it might not have the full effect it could have. Kelly is really the standout from this week. I've said before that I don't think she has what it takes to win, but I'm now starting to think I might have been a bit hasty. She might be the kind of dark horse contestant that peaks at the right time and goes all the way to the end. The oddest comment comes during the closer look at the dresses when the judges start to see that Edmond's dress is glued together and falling apart. What the fuck did they expect it to look like? He glued a bunch of keyboard keys onto mouse pads, what else can it look like close up?

In the end, Kelly gets a well deserved win and Joseph gets a well deserved Auf. The place where I think they dropped the ball a bit is when Heidi tells Swapnil he's safe, she didn't add that they're very disappointed in him and if he doesn't step up his game, he might not make it through the next challenge. It's probably implied by their critique, but in much the same way that they aren't shy about telling a safe designer with immunity that they were only safe because they had immunity, this could have been an opportunity for that as well. But oh well, hopefully he gets the hint and comes out stronger for it next week. 

Loose Threads:

--I don't know if we've got any younger readers, but if so, I've made sure to include wiki links for the outdated tech from the start of the episode. You're welcome. 

--Because Jake left on his own, it seemed that certain people thought maybe there wouldn't be an elimination this week. When Joseph comes back form the runway, Edmond asks him if he's safe too. No buddy, that's not how it works. Looks like we finally got our double elimination though. 

--Swapnil's edit this episode comes so far out of left field. Did we even know he smokes before this episode? This is my ultimate point about trying to form some kind of season long edit for the characters. If we'd known about the smoke breaks, or just knew about his smoking a bit before now, this episode might have felt like a more organic episode. 

--I got home late and missed the beginning of the episode and it wasn't until the runway that I realized someone was missing and had no clue what that was about. So I had to watch the beginning of the episode on the encore showing that happened immediately afterwards. Which is just my way of saying that I'm really surprised by the editing of this episode and the fact that someone leaving didn't have any kind of lasting impact whatsoever. 

Project Runway: S13 E7: "Priceless Runway"

Well I'd love to complain about this episode (because I just love complaining), and to be sure, there are elements of it that I will complain about, but I have to say it: Way to go Project Runway! It may have taken 7 weeks, but it finally feels like the producers of this gem of a show finally remembered how to make good TV. Or maybe the contestants and Tim Gunn, and everyone else on screen just finally started giving us something to work with? I don't know what it was, but something about this episode just felt like classic PR to me. Everything from the challenge, to the low level of drama (even though the drama that was there wasn't really small, it was just understated in a nice way, but we'll get to that), to the beautiful designs almost everyone put forth. This is the Project Runway I can be proud of watching every week, so let's get right down to it.

This week's challenge is to get inspired by, and create a companion look for, an exquisite piece of jewelry. Disclaimer: I hate jewelry. I think our obsession with shiny rocks is just the single dumbest thing ever.  For more information on how I feel about this subject, one only ever needs to read Gulliver's Travels, specifically the section about The Yahoos and see what that great satire has to say about us. But with that being said, I understand how a nice piece of jewelry can be perfectly accented by or even overpowered by a dress, so I tend to like this challenge when it comes around.

So the designers pick a piece, or collection of pieces, of jewelry and head to the workroom to start sketching. It's at this point that things get a little dramatic as Tim comes in looking very distraught and asks for a gather around. He admits he's been feeling uneasy about this all night, and then proceeds to bring Char back and use his save on her. It's a little bit late, but no less dramatic for so being. On the contrary, doing it like this and at this point in the competition heightens the drama of the episode in a very palpable and enjoyable way. The designers spent the beginning of the episode talking about how much they miss Char, Sandy talks about how responsible she feels since she was her teammate in the last challenge. No mention of her feeling responsible since she chose that hideous fabric, but whatever, I guess. And generally, a number of people talk about there being a lack in the workroom without Char. So you get the warm fuzzies of her being brought back, and then you get the gut punch as the realization sets in that the Tim Gunn save has now been taken off the table. Everyone is essentially working without a net now.

But I'm also not totally sure how I feel about the save being used on Char. I know I got some shit for defending Tim using his save last year, but I stand by my thoughts that it was well used then. Especially given the collection Justin turned out in the finale. But do I really think Char has what it takes to  even make it that far in the competition? I'm honestly not sure. While I'll agree that she was probably ousted a little bit before her time, I don't know that I'll say she doesn't deserve it, or that she didn't deserve to go home off of the shit show she sent down the runway last time. Both saves thus far seem to have been used out of a deeply moving emotional moment on Tim's part. And I don't want to take anything away from emotion and gut feeling, but it still leaves me questioning how the save should be used. Does it get held onto until someone like Kini or Sean stumble and go home? I don't think so because logic dictates that at this point Kini and Sean shouldn't be capable of stumbling so hard that they'd be sent home, and if they are...maybe they'd deserve it? Should it be used for someone like Emily or Fade who have nice aesthetics, but who haven't been given their due yet and may never be given them? I'm more inclined towards the latter, but now we'll never know because it went to Char. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about this decision. I understand why Tim made it, and I've got no problem with seeing more from this designer. I just think these are interesting and important questions to ask.

Now, back to work. To aid in the designer's inspiration, everyone takes a trip to the Charles James: Beyond Fashion exhibit at the Met. And my jaw hit the floor. Again, not a fashion expert by any means, so the name Charles James didn't ring any bells for me, but my God those dresses were fucking beautiful. And there's something about a museum doing an entire exhibit on fashion that just makes me crazy excited for some odd reason. Either way, man oh man do I love this.

From there it's off to Mood where Sean and Samantha get fabric in the same color, and the producers have started translating and subtitling Swatch's barks for us. So....you know....there's that. But Swatch is still one of my favorite elements of the show, so far be it for me to complain. The two designers with the same fabric drama has been played out enough on this show for me not to pay any attention to it when it happened. Indeed, the show tries to milk a little more drama from it here, but I don't think they were fully committed and I for one didn't buy it. So no big deal on that one.

Tim's visit also brings the drama in the form of some tough words for everyone. Well everyone except for Sean, but who's counting really? Tim bringing the tough love almost always results in looks getting better before they hit the runway. Or, to be more specific, when good designers hear Tim offering tough love and proceed to follow his advice in a manner that enhances their already solid, but maybe just slight off, vision, it results in looks getting better. Point to fact: Tim admonishes Fade for a tragic neckline on his dress which looks like an elastic headband for the model's boobs. He doesn't panic, but he changes it and comes up with something great we'll talk about in a bit. Korina's made a bold choice with an upholstery type fabric for her jacket, but she's constructed it in a manner that doesn't allow the pattern to matchup. I have no clue why she did so as it's hideous, but Tim points this out to her and in typical Korina fashion she gets her panicked deer in the headlights look before deciding how to proceed. Alexander's neckline is so wrong for the necklace he chose that it hurts, but Tim points this out and he reworks it in a manner that's certainly better. So good things all around, more or less. Let's head to the runway for the bloody aftermath.

The Runway:

Korina: Bear with me for a minute on this one while I venture into sports territory: There are times when coaches take big risks in football by going for it on like 4th and 5 to go moments. It's the kind of decision that's great if it pays off, and is horrible if it fails. That's the same way I feel about Korina's look. Objectively, it’s much much better with the construction issues worked out. The pattern matching up makes everything more pleasing to the eye. And the jewelry is perfectly framed and shown against the dress. But I think it's only really great if she wins and the huge risk pays off.

Fade: This look has a simple elegance to it. I think the fact that he only had earrings to work with dictated what he needed to do, and I think he made the right choice. My guess is it’ll be overshadowed by the extravagant gowns on the runway, but it’s beautiful nevertheless. Everything is designed in a manner that allows the earrings to speak for themselves, and the draping on the back and the redone neckline are just fabulous.

Char: I think it’s beautiful to the tenth degree, but I also think I would like it more in a color other than white. Maybe something that could allow the jewelry to pop just a little bit more. But the cut of the dress is fantastic and I loved it.

Emily: I’ve admitted a number of times that I like Emily a lot. This I’m less sure on. The cut of the dress and the little bubble elements of the skirt portion just don’t sit as well with me. I think it’s pretty, don’t get me wrong, but it looks like a bit much and something I don’t think many women would rush to wear. I’m not a woman, I’m not even a man who wears dresses (sadly) but it’s not a look I respond to all that well. She’s starting to be the designer we look at as being over-designed I think. I like that she went with red to go with the pearls, but I think that red might have been better with a darker pearl.

Samantha: I hate it. I feel bad for hating it, but I hate it. It looks like there are construction issues with the back, the flaps on the hips just look odd, and I don’t see how any of it complements the jewelry at all. She chose pieces that were simple and paired down, so I think she wanted to go a little more extravagant with the dress, but I think I would have preferred the opposite.

Kini: This is an example of going simple for his paired down jewelry without going basic or boring. The movement is breathtaking. He said he wanted to combine hard and soft, and to those ends I would have liked a firmer corset like top, but I think this is beautiful. It's not his best look, by any means, but it's pretty.

Sandy: Here’s another look from Sandy that I actually do like. I think it goes well with the jewelry, I think the back is just freaking gorgeous, and I think her little hip flaps work so much better than Samantha’s that it’s scary. I like it, but I still want her to go home.

Sean: I feel like this dress is made by the neckline (which I love) and the jewelry. I think there’s something to be said about creating a look that’s simple so your jewelry can stand out and carry the bulk of the weight of the entire look, but I also think he’s capable of doing better. It's another beautiful gown from him, but I'm not really wowed by it.

Amanda: NO! Just no! Get off the runway. There’s no way this isn’t the worst look up there. What the hell was she thinking? No! 

Alexander: I love this! Which I think might be the first look from him that I can say that for. But here's the thing, I think a lot of my love for it has to do with how he's transformed it from what it was before. The neckline still hides the jewel a bit too much, but it's way better than it was before. I don't like the back which looks way too messy and tacked on, but he had a vision and he went with it. I love the fabric, I love how he manipulated the fabric (on the front), and I love how he took Tim's advice. I'll be in the minority on this one, I think, but I love it.

So it's Sean, Korina, and Amanda in the top three. I honestly don't want to type anymore because that just made me throw up in my mouth. Amanda? Give me a fucking break! I can't handle this for much longer. And it's Kini, Alexander, and Samantha in the bottom. Which, again, I know I'll probably be the only one to say so, but I really love Alexander's look. It could have been at least safe if nothing else, and then you put Amanda in the bottom where she belongs, and replace her with either Char or Fade in the top. 

Because here's the thing, the judges actually don't have glowing praise for Amanda to begin with. The girls all like it enough, but no one's gushing over it. Heidi even points out later that this is really between Sean and Korina, so why is Amanda even up there? You expect me to believe that the lukewarm comments they made towards her were better than the comments they would have had for one of the safe designers? And it would have given us a chance to talk to someone we haven't heard from much yet. I'm so over the judging this season. 

No one has anything at all positive to say about Alexander's look. Which doesn't surprise me, but to be honest I fully disagree with every point the judges make except for the messiness of the back and the fact that the neckline is still too high. But everything else they rip apart: the fabric choice, the manner in which he works the fabric, and the color of the dress as it goes against the color of the gem in the necklace I call bullshit on. He's one of the few designers to not go matchy matchy with it. He had a red gem and didn't choose a red fabric. I commend him for that. And he had a vision and took a risk, much like Korina did, but I can see how someone would say his risk didn't pay off as much, but still. It's some of the specific things they say about the dress that bug me, because other than a few of the elements, I like it. If the entire critique had been about how it's unfinished, and the back is messy, and you couldn't see the jewelry, then I wouldn't complain....maybe. 

But either way, Korina wins, and it's well deserved on this one. Her risk paid off, and by virtue of it's success, she looks like a genius. And Samantha goes  home because safe isn't good enough at this point. So as much as the judge's critique of Alexander pissed me off, they still made the right choice on who to send home. This is also the last challenge for which anyone will win immunity, so things are about to get tougher from here on out. But this was also the first really good and compelling episode of the season, so if this is setting the tone for what's to come, I think we can start to get excited again. 

Random Ravings:

--I'm sick of the phrase Stray Observations, so I think we'll mix it up a bit from here on out. 

--Char being back leads to her and Amanda having a great connection moment in the workroom. Everyone was so ready to throw her under the bus for her bitchy attitude last week, but now she's been humbled and she's a sweetie. All the more reason to not judge too harshly. 

--In talking about Kini's look, Nina says: “Beautiful but not well executed” which I think might have to be the tag line for Kini’s looks at this point.

 --I love how the designers aren't allowed to touch the jewelry. It's like "We don't trust you fuckers at all. Keep your grubby hands off our bling!"

--I would do some dirty dirty things to Zac Posen in that suit. Yummy! 

--Sean: It's crazy to be on the bottom one day and then on the top two days in a row. Truer words have never been spoken, although it's possible he means that in a different way than I do...

--Lastly, I think I should make mention of the passing of Joan Rivers this week. She certainly had a powerful and distinct voice when it comes to fashion, and for that I'm guessing she'll be missed. I know she made a few statements lately that weren't too positive and painted her in a bad light, but I would at least like to hope that we could look past that to an extent and understand death is a solemn if not respectable occasion.

Project Runway All-Stars S3 E7 : "As Sewn on TV"

Hello Runaways,

You might know me as MediaGrrl in the comments section, but for the first time, I'm filling in for the wonderful Julius as he is off opening his one man revival show, Christian? Sorry? Oh, no!  I will do my best to keep the Project Runaways mood of serious frivolity going, and I look forward to your comments as well. On to the recap we go!

This week is brought to you by the letters Q, V and C, who are sponsoring The Wall this season. Please use it thoughtfully, or not, as Tim is not here to remind us.

This episode starts with a bang-- no shots of sleepy designers waking up to the site of a grizzled cameraman from IATSE Local 600 hovering over their twin beds this season. Instead we are at a helicopter pad, somewhere adjacent to Manhattan. Alyssa is there to tell the final six that they will be designing something for QVC and they're going to meet the famous Lisa Robertson, program host (for hours of QVC sales are called "programs", not streams of endless pitches of a overly caffeinated auctioneers. It's less wordy.) and "Style Authority," a title that sounds both dubious and menacing.

The designers have yet to put two and two together to understand why they are standing in front of helicopters-- as no one really knows where the Batcave QVC HQ is located, they don't realize they will be crossing state lines to visit Westchester, Pennysylvania. I assume this quiet berg of 18,000, home to Dave Barry and coach Muffet McGraw, has rarely incited squeals on the level of Elena's excitement, nor been host to an off-her-meds Ukrainian neon enthusiast and a crew this motley.  Bubbly Elena and the girls get in and away they go. Irina is pleased!

The men also load in to their helicopter, and as you've seen a million times in dude movies like Black Hawn Down and Blue Thunder, they immediately begin putting makeup on. We also get a fan-flick and a bon mot or two from Zinger, who is acting like his normal hilarious and in-need-of-air self. Please note that. He's just fine and dandy at this stage.

The designers arrive at QVC and enter a cavernous, clean lobby that looks like a smart hotel that would be attached to an airport in the 1970s. They look with wonder at the pale marble and oooh over the flatscreens showing the International versions of QVC. We even get a not-at-all forced soundbite from Seth Aaron, marvelling at the fact that QVC is on in, like, Germany. Way to sell it, crew.

Uh, oh, is that Lee Meriwether descending the staircase from the Delta Sky Lounge? Nope, it is Lisa Robertson, product of the pageant system, winner of the cheekbone lottery and a student of the "chin on the chest shows gravitas" school of media training. She informs us that she is lucky enough to reveal this week's challenge - designing a gown for she herself  to wear at (or near, or around, or close to, or while at home thinking about) the QVC Oscars-related "star-studded gala", where she will be working the red carpet. She mentions this is a live broadcast, so please, no designs that must be touched up in post-production or CGI'd in later. This gown must also look good in photographs, and later we'll see that this is part of the judging, one of those parts that the judges seem to ignore if it doesn't go along with their auf'ing plans.

As I had never heard of the barnacle to the Oscars boat that is the "Star-Studded QVC Live Broadcast", I checked the roster of "A listers" from last year. They had Jennifer Hudson, fair enough, and her personal career cautionary tale, Marisa Tomei, the ubiquitous Lisa Rinna, an always-welcome dash of Jane Seymour and an up and coming model from Germany, one Miss Heidi Klum, if I'm spelling that right. Pretty girl, I assume she was just happy to have been invited.

Lisa Robertson is not just a Style Authority, she is a damn good tour guide, showing off the studios and inviting them to try their hands at on-camera (but not live, thank goodness) program hosting. She forgets to point out her chin technique, as if they'd master that in a day. I must agree with the giddy, hairflipping, nervous Elena, "It's not as easy as it looks". Nope, and that is why we have laboratories that create lisarobertsonbots. The six are then led into Isaac Mizrahi's own studio, which Seth Aaron claims that they all recognize, ya know, from watching it on QVC. Barring a hospital stay, the only person less likely than Seth Aaron to watch QVC is Isaac himself, who pops in to say hello, in a shot that seems like a third take ("that's great, Isaac, can we just do one more shot of you entering, more excitement this time, have fun with it").

The designers sit and sketch, captured by the smooth tracking shots and brighter lighting that give these past few episodes a different, more stylish and less rough reality show feel.

We see Lisa will have a wide variety of looks to choose from:

Pansear is thinking semi-strapless, fitted, a mermaid shape.

Viktor is going form fitting, stylish, flared out at the bottom in a mermaid silhouette.

Irina is taking Isaac's advice to go dramatic and "pull out all of the stops", and so to differentiate herself, designs an almost bridal look, assuming the bride wanted a strapless, fitted, mermaid gown. 

So lots of options for Lisa.

It is then the next day, and we can tell that as everyone has changed clothes:  Elena has reapplied eyeliner over yesterday's, and Viktor has changed into a yellow polo shirt. What - a yellow polo? No costumey corduroy bowtie and kid's birthday hat? How mundane. Is there something wrong with little Zinger? No, he seems fine, but stay tuned, gentle reader! After a trip to Mood, the remaining six have about 11 hours to pull off a gown. "A GOWN", frets Pansear, blocking out the fact that he has done at least three gowns this season. He decides to whip out his fabric feathering technique, which the judges loved during his season.

Irina is also fretting, as she has concerns about completing her complicated design in the allotted time. No one made you put 18 panels into your dress, Irina. Still, she has always been an efficient worker, so surely she can whip up all of those seams, perfectly, then top stitch each, and add boning, and reinforce the skirt, and then applique her dress before deadline? I am tired just typing all of that, but godspeed Irina. She doesn't seem pleased.

And in a constant state of fret-itude is Elena, or Pikachu, as Viktor calls her, who confesses that she is worried that she doesn't "know the techniques for evening wear" (also should be noted, she made a silky smooth red gown last week that looked very evening),and speaks for the audience when she wonders aloud if she will freak out. Is it better or worse, mental heath-wise, if she is aware that she is losing her marbles during challenges?

But Elena will only have a supporting role in today's big story, for, noticing the vaccuum of drama and sensing there is airtime up for grabs, Viktor takes a turn for the sad. Is something wrong with Zinger? Has he lost his... zing? The first and biggest clue that a Big Moment is coming is the postprodution insertion of Lifetime's Emotional Confession Music. The camer a captures a sigh as he cuts fabric. Zinger, with brow delicately furrowed, claims that he has something on his mind, a thing that has been bothering him so much, something that makes him afraid of how other people will treat him, and he needs to talk about it, confess it to the world, because he just "wants to be free".

Oh the drama! Mr. MediaGrrl and I paused the tv-- intrigued. What was it? What was troubling our hero? What had he done? Had he killed a hobo? Worn white after Labor Day?

We would find out along with Zinger's two closest friends, Elena and... Seth Aaron? who knew?, whom he thoughtfully interrupts as they diligently work to finish their complex red carpet gowns. Zinger steers them into the break room, takes a deep breath and -- and Elena, jumping out of her skin, shrieks "what the fuck, dude, tell me what's wrong!"

Mr. MediaGrrl had guessed testicular cancer. I had guessed bankruptcy. Turns out, Viktor is HIV positive. He has known for ages, but only his partner has been told. His family will possibly find out on tv. Dare I say Elena and Seth Aaron look relieved? Editorially, I want to add, what a good place to be in, from a public health standpoint, when HIV positive status, while not great, is not received as a death sentence. I remember the 80s, when not only my crush Mark Harmon's sexy doctor character on St. Elsewhere was dealt that card, and that meant he was a goner, but in the years that followed many people I knew in what we call "real life" were affected. Modern medicine is a wonderful thing. HIV is not, then or now.

So, back to Viktor's big reveal. His friends, mulling over this news, must not have given Zinger the gasp, the snap of the fan, if you will, that he was looking for, so he mewls "I just didn't want you to treat me differently", and looks sad, forcing them to get up and defend their respect and fondness for him with hugs. Elena even offers a backrub. Manipulative little so-and-so. Seriously, I do not get the motivation for the timing of this kind of announcement, especially when we see who is sitting on the judging panel this week.

The mood is immediately lightened by a glistening pink bubble that floats in and bursts to reveal Glinda, the GiggleWitch of the South, aka Zanna Roberts Rassi, here to shut down the design munchkins with a lilt in her voice and a shake of her blonde curls. Today Glinda has forsaken her sparkly gown for a matchy two- piece flowered outfit that wouldn't  look out of place at an English gardening club meeting. She gets right to work dispensing advice, some of it good (Korto's orange ruffles look cheap, Irina's is too bridal) some bad (tells Pansear "keep adding" to his look) and some intriguing (people do not like green). She is not very pleased with what she sees.

Runway Day:

The models march in wearing matching black tanks, as Korto gives us the Freak Out Update. She's freaking out because after viewing her test photos, she sees her orange super-gathered dress is a neon mess, and starts over completely. According to Korto, Christopher's freaking out, Viktor's freaking out, Irina is ice cold, Elena, duh, and Seth Aaron is running around like crazy. She herself, well, girl is "twisted", which I think is the DefCon 5 of freak outs.

Irina should be worried - in putting the dress over her model's head, she experiences the first of quite a few rips of the 18 pieces of delicate fabric she has worked so hard to piece together. Zinger thinks that this may be due to her stiffening the fabric with buckram, a cotton which is used a lot in hat making. He says it can tear easily. Irina is not pleased. Aside from that, and some ass-measurement issues from Pansear and Elena, we are off to the runway.

Judges:

Sitting next to Isaac today in place of The Beautiful Georgina Chapman® is Mondo Guerra. You might remember him from his tearful HIV positive confession during Season 8, the one that seemed organic, real and heartfelt. Also, you might recall that he wore crazy little outfits that included shorts with suspenders, pins and necklaces, a style that that seemed organic, (sur)real and heartfelt. Mondo is his own man. Viktor is not.

When Mondo's name is mentioned by Alyssa, there is a quick cut to Viktor, who looks down. Wild coincidence that Mondo is visiting this week?

Lisa Robertson is there, natch, and the end chair is occupied by the lovely Elisabeth Moss, one of the "greatest acting  talents of her generation", according to the lovely actress Alyssa Milano, who, despite what you think of Charmed,  is not.

Runway:

Pansear:  I love midnight blue and black together, but damn does this dress have a lot going on. Feathered technique on a fabric that has a tiny bit of sparkle, leather trim on the boobs and a full leather shoulder piece, a belt and a poofy tulle train. The ethereal model doesn't sell it so much, and during judging, standing still, the dress makes her boobs look like Good  'n Plentys, but somehow it all comes together.

Zinger:  Who doesn't love olive green? Guest judge Elisabeth Moss, as it happens. I like it on redheads and ashey blondes like Viktor's model, but the color is not the biggest problem here, it's the gores and the ruffles and the fins and the train. This dress is busier than a tornado at a trailer park, a theme carried through by the model's messy styling. It's okay. Not for anyone above a size two, or with Lisa's fantastic figure.

Seth Aaron:  Full disclosure here: much like Emilio Sosa  declared when he designed his own fabric, MediaGrrl  hearts Seth Aaron. From his positive attitude to his cool cartoon-y sketching style, excepting his current eyebrow situation, I just adore him, and I think Alyssa feels the same way. In fact, Seth seemed to give her quite the glance when she walked out tonight. Hmmm.  His sparkling, non strapless, non mermaid gown is one of my favourites, even with the Cadillac fin'd bum.

Korto:  There is a fine line between effortless and lazy, and Korto's is right there. Not sure how my buddy SA got knuckle-rapped for a basic drapey gown last week when Korto's maxidressey simple gown is seen as comfortable and flowy.  The skirt is made of various levels of left-over orange chiffon, and has pockets, which always get the female judges squealing. The top is made of taupe fabric, twisted into a sort of halter. I'm thinking that drab color will not look as nice on the pale skinned QVC host as it does on Korto's darker-skinned model,  and I predict it will be changed when the actual dress is made.

Elena:  She's gone all Patricia and made her own textile, black overlaid onto purplish brocade, cut out to create an effect of scales. It's cool. The judges seem to have more of a problem with the design of the dress than the fabric, pointing out the "dowdy" bateau neckline and some weird seaming in the back. Elena's warming up for her self-predicted meltdown, not thrilled with her dress, saying "I'm just praying that the judges don't execute me for it". That says a lot about design school discipline in the Ukraine.

Irina:  a gown for the perfectly postured, impossibly thin, showin' off the A-cups bride who will be married in a church with no steps and no modesty code. The mermaid skirt maintains its stiffness and does look beautiful, but I found the faux-leather and pearl flower appliques strewn about it a little heavy-handed. The model can't quite make it on and off of the runway without giving us another nice rip.  Of the dress, I mean.

Personalities abound and opinions differ on the runway tonight.

By the time all of the models are brought out for the judging, the seam split has grown to about 6 inches. Irina is not pleased. Isaac is blaming the fabric, Irina is blaming te model, and as she is questioned about this catastrophe, Irina softly snarls, "yeah, she RIPPED it". Her model does not have the mobility to kick her for this.

Seth Aaron announces, without prompting, that "he is back!" which delights Alyssa, annoys Isaac and prompts a flirty "no, you are Schmoopie" back-and-forth with Elisabeth Moss on the merits of sparkle. (Turns out they both like it. Awwww.) Style Authority Lisa Robertson feels the gown is "too close to home" and by home she means where her vagina would be, if such a thing was allowed on QVC. Silly Lisa, lady parts are known around here as "the good china". It is agreed by the judging panel that the widening of one's bottom is not a good thing. SA is in the bottom three.

Isaac says Pansear "had him at navy tulle". I looked it up - thinking the Navy Tulle might be a military event that the two attended, and we were getting our second confession of the episode. Nope, he just loved the train, and Pansear's feathering technique, which, sadly, is also nothing sexual.

Zinger  gets shut down, multiple times, for his choice of color, by a blonder than I've seen her Elisabeth, who actually would look lovely in that shade. Alyssa says she's disappointed, she expects more of Viktor, and why can't he be more like Mondo? (Well, she doesn't go that far.) He is in the bottom three.

Elena's is called a "good dress", making her gasp and smile, but also "dowdy" and unflattering, making her have the sads. She's in the bottom three.

Korto's tangerine/cafe au lait concoction gets mostly positive reviews, "a fresh idea", "very wearable", with lone dissent coming from Lisa, who doubts the glamour factor will outshine Lisa Rinna and some leftovers from The Hills. In fact, for a moment Lisa is leaning towards the drama of Irina's structured gown, but is hip-checked into sanity by Elisabeth and Mondo. As I may have tipped off earlier, Korto is the winner, and Lisa will wear her dress. No way does that taupe stay taupe - we shall see.

But someone has to go home, and it comes down to Elena and Irina. Elena is terrified, and she wells up. Which will it be: a near miss that the designer didn't really sell to the judges, or a beautiful failure that was not completely suited to the occasion? If Elena goes, surely this is the meltdown we've been waiting all episode for...

Nah. Irina goes home, with the "no Heidi kiss kiss" send off seeming colder than usual. Although she says she would have liked to have won, we hear the sigh in her voice, and as she goes and cleans up her space, she makes it clear she doesn't really need this All-Stars business. Irina is not pleased.

I'll be with you again next week, and hope to have the recap up a little sooner.

- Martina

Stray Observations:

Isaac's perfume is called Fabulous. Was Divine taken?

"The bonus puts you in so many homes - it's an amazing prize," says Irina. ask Joan Rivers how much money she has made from QVC. So designers, would you rather be in front of millions of shopping housewives or be the toast of Paris Fashion Week?

Elena has never been on a helicopter. Or, one presumes, in one.

Viktor spreads his fabric on the floor to cut - this has always weirded me out when the designers do this. How clean is that floor?

Irina sure wore a lot more makeup, shorter skirts and higher heels during All-Stars. It brings to mind Althea and SweetPea, who both must have looked at their original seasons and thought they could do a little better in the styling department.

Apparently there was a rumor circulating that Lisa Robertson had died. She is the Abe Vigoda of tv shopping.

Project Runway: S12 E07: “Shoes First!”

Every season that I've watched of Project Runway features an episode that reminds me that I know nothing about fashion. Or at the very least the episode makes me question what I may or may not know about fashion and makes me wonder if it's me or if it's just that the judges have gone insane. This week saw that episode for me. Almost everything the judges said about almost every look they placed in the top or bottom left me scratching my head in confusion. But I believe when trying to make sense of something seemingly nonsensical one should start at the beginning, so here we go.

After a few moments for the designers to rejoice over Justin's save last week, and for Heidi to offer her begrudging “welcome back you total waste of space who should be well out of my sight by now!” sentiments, the contestants move forward with the challenge. They take a trip to the Marie Clare Fashion Closet, which I thought was an opportunity for most of the designers to exclaim that they wouldn't go back in the closet for anyone but no one did, alas another missed opportunity. While back in the closet, the designers are told by this week's shameless product placement guru Anne Fulenwider (Editor-In-Chief of Marie Claire magazine and old friend of Heidi from the Mother Land) that they will be asked to chose a pair of shoes and design a look around those shoes with the model then wearing those shoes on the runway. Shoes. Basically the challenge boils down to one simple philosophy which might be the only thing Project Runway and Lifetime (television for women) has learned about ladies in all these years: “Give them bitches shoes; bitches love shoes.”

Moving on. Remember last week when I said that the show had revolutionized it's 90 minute run time by giving the contestants far more interesting things to do on their challenges? Well this week each contestant is given a buzzer and asked questions about fashion history; the first contestant to answer the question correctly gets their pick at the great Wall-O-Shoes until there is only one contestant left to wallow in the shame of their despicable ignorance. So, in short, Project Runway went out of its way to make me look like a total idiot for praising them last week by coming back and showing just how capable they are at wasting time. Thanks a lot you douche bags. Shoes!

So the contestants answer questions like “Which design school did Marc Jacobs attend?” which is just the single easiest question on earth..... I'm sure it'll come to me... Tip of my tongue really... We'll circle back around to this later. And the designer left without knowing any of the answers at all is Miranda! The producers and the other designers make it seem like her extreme lack of knowledge should suggest that she shouldn't even be on the show. Not that she's going to cease to be on the show anytime soon or anything....We'll circle back around to that later too I guess.

With shoes in tow, it's off to mood where the designers are given a suggested budget of $250 and let lose to buy fabric. There are walls and walls of fabric in Mood, there are more walls and walls of fabric in Mood than there were walls of shoes in Marie Clare's closet, and yet somehow Miranda and Red Eyebrows manage to pick the exact same hideous plaid to make their pants. I was going to try to make a joke about that fact, but I'm simply too confounded to make it any funnier than it already is. Meanwhile, ToKen takes his time to ask one of the helpful assistants “Where are the shoulder pads?” If I hated ToKen before (and believe me when I say I totally did), the fact that he actually went onto national television and proclaimed that he intended to put shoulder pads on his dress for a competition makes me think he should be relegated to the worst possible hell imaginable. You know, the place reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater! (Also, if you understand that reference, we should be best friends)

Tim's visit to the work room starts with Alexandria who chose a very interesting pair of “gladiator boots” which actually have knee pads built in. My initial thought when I saw them was of all the nights I totally could have used a pair of boots with knee pads built in, but now I'm realizing that that might be over sharing and I should get back to the business at hand, forget I said I anything. She's designing a very soft look to go with these boots instead of going the full S&M route which could either be genius or a missed opportunity, only time will tell. Miranda goes about designing a look strikingly similar to one she got reamed for in the past, and she makes it a point to say that she's not going to listen to Tim and she's going to follow her gut. This is by no means meant to be seen as a kiss of death for Miranda no matter how much we all know that contests who don't listen to Tim are almost always sent home. She'll be fine. Token's look is criticized by Tim for being too old and matronly, which couldn't possibly have anything to do with his plan to use shoulder pads could it? As a result, he actually astounds me and drops the shoulder pads. Maybe he's not a totally lost cause after all? In the end Tim's time in the work room actually gives us a look at each of the designers. This is one of the developments that I honestly don't have an opinion on. Some people are changing their entire look, some are sticking with their gut, some are only making minor changes and nothing new is learned. I yawn, and I move on.

Dance Beard is one of the contestants who needs to remake a good 50% of his look. As a result of that and the encroaching deadline, he makes the great decision to call his partner ,and cry, and ask about their dog, and cry, and generally feel all of the pressure of the competition, and cry. Generally I hate seeing people cry on reality TV shows. It tends to seem like crass manipulation of the fans or other contestants most times, and who cries in public? You cry in your bedroom over a gallon of ice cream or in the bathroom with the shower running like a normal person! But I like Dance Beard, so I'm a bit more sympathetic than usual. Also, shoes!

The Runway: this week gives us two guest judges, Kaley Cuoco from The Big Bang Theory and the product placement chick from earlier in the episode because, again, bitches love shoes.

ToKen: Surprise, surprise, he decided not to go with the shoulder pads and the look is all the better for it. In all honesty, I think this is the first dress he's made that I honestly liked. The textile has a great reptilian feel to it that goes a long way towards distracting you from the fact that it's just a simple black dress, the fit is great in the top, and the skirt is cute. I do wish it had been maybe an inch or so longer, but ultimately I really like it.

Red Eyebrows: I like the look in spite of myself. I like the way the pairing of the simple cream top (which I found to be well constructed) with the crazy plaid pants. The outfit went together well and went well with the shoes too.

Miranda: She uses the exact same fabric as Red Eyebrows, the two of them are shown back to back on the runway (which we all know was a total coincidence, right?) and yet the two looks could not have been more dissimilar to me. Where I thought Eyebrows did a great job of matching his plaid pant with his top, Miranda's top is both washed out and too busy. The red in the pants matched with the red in the shoes is just atrocious, and for some reason she thought it was a good idea to put her model in a white leather jacket. In fact, I probably could have just said white leather jacket and left you knowing everything you needed to know about the outfit.

Dom: Last week I criticized Dom's dress for being too similar to her look from the Bow Tie challenge. This week I have to say that I was reminded of her carnival look from episode 3. I know that the basic construction and even a lot of the color pallet is different, but every time I looked at the dress I couldn't help but have her previous outfit floating through my mind. I think her dress this week is really young, and this is starting to be the main aspect of her aesthetic, and I do like it, but I can't say that the worries I've started to feel about her have been assuaged.

Justin: Faced with the need to justify Tim saving him last time, Justin created an outfit that was neither stunning nor horrible. I like the harness element of the top, but I think the bust line looks a bit weird, and the bunching of the pants was a bit off putting. I like the pairing of the simple black outfit with those wild and colorful shoes, but I wasn't wowed by his design. He's safe, and I can't claim that that's the wrong choice, but I also can't say that I think the episode was enhanced by him being kept around from last week.

Alexandria: I honestly don't know what to say about this. Personally, I find the look itself to be boring. I like the lace elements, and I like how soft it is, but I'm still left thinking “You had boots with knee pads attached to them, you could have done anything!” And even that I'm not sure about because I do like the pairing of hard and soft that the look provides. I think that Alexandria does a good job of interpreting the challenge, but in the end I'm left with the opinion that the woman who would buy and wear those boots wouldn't also wear that dress.

RHDB: Yawn! And the top of the dress is nothing more than a recreation of the shoe itself.

Dance Beard: Oh you poor guy. This was just a bad move on his part. As much as I respect the amount of work that went into the top, the look is old and dated, the skirt looks cheap, and none of it enhances the shoes. It's another failure from one of my favorites.

Kate: I LOVE THIS! Once again Kate shows why she's such a frontrunner for me. The only bad things I can say about this are that I hate the model's glasses, and I do think that the shoes are kind of swallowed by how overly designed the outfit is, but other than that I love everything about it. I can understand that she might not have embodied the challenge as well as some of the other designers, but this is my favorite look on the runway and I fully expected her to be in the top 3.

Jeremy: Oh you sexy man, you. Jeremy chose the wrong time to go back into old woman mode. This fact is compounded by his choosing a very young and fun shoe for his inspiration. The combination makes for an odd story about a grandmother experiencing a post-mid-life crisis. Failure from another of my favorites....this isn't looking good.

Helen: This, along with Kate's look, is one of the reasons I'm left questioning if I'm totally crazy or if the judges are. Allow me to first say that I generally hate capes. I find them to be one of those odd Fashiony things that have no real practical appeal, exist no where but on the runway, and almost always make a dress look much older than intended. As such, I was not impressed at all by Helen's look. I found it old, and boring, but exceptionally well made. If she set out to prove that she could create something that was well tailored, then I think she succeeded, but by no means did I think this was a top 3 dress.

So Helen, ToKen, and Alexandria are in the top, Jeremy, Dance Beard, and Miranda are in the bottom. Three (fairly boring in my opinion) little black dresses find themselves being spotlit by the judges, while three honest failures are rightfully in the bottom. But I still don't get it. Almost everyone says they wish the had Helen's look to wear, Zac tells Jeremy that he's not sure he knows anything about who Jeremy is as a designer or what his particular skills are, and everyone's way too excited for ToKen's use of the term “man-eater.” I just don't get a lot of the judging.

Helen wins, Miranda goes home and I'm left thinking that this is a very boring and rote episode of Project Runway. There was nothing surprising about it, and nothing to be outraged over. When you see Miranda in the bottom alongside two generally strong contenders like Jeremy and Dance Beard, you know who's going home. Who the winner will be might be a bit more shaded in mystery, but that's only because none of the top looks really stand out as obvious winners. I guess there's nothing really to take away from the episode as a whole other than the question of how will Jeremy and Dance Beard bounce back from this rare but monumental disaster on their parts and still make it to the end of the competition? Or will they find themselves going home well before I ever thought possible?

Stray Observations:

--Did anyone else notice how disgusted Anne looked with every single dress that walked down the runway? She basically hated everything and thought it should die.

--Jeremy seems to have gotten a bit of a big head after his recent successes. Maybe this week will do a good job of bringing him back to earth so he can create more beautiful things in the future. If he gets into a rhythm of being in the bottom and then bouncing back for two weeks in the top before falling again... I honestly didn't have a second part for that statement but it felt like it should be an if/then kind of thing.

--Dom: Wait who's top and who's bottom? (The number of time's I've asked that very question.)